Life would be easier if singletons wore a ring that signalled they were looking for love

I would.

For people who are unfamiliar with the concept, the ‘Pear Ring’ website describes it as ‘the opposite of an engagement ring’ and it’s intended to alert strangers to the fact that the wearer is single and expressly looking for love. There’s a green one for straight single people and a purple one for anyone who identifies as LGBTQ+.

I first heard about it after seeing it as an Instagram ad a few months ago.

Initially, my instinct was that it felt gimmicky and like a cheap marketing strategy – so I wasn’t about to jump on the bandwagon (back in my day, all you needed was a Tamagotchi to tell the world you were single!)

On the other hand, the prospect of cutting out all the ignorance I’ve often faced online as a disabled person seemed appealing.

My dating history has been traumatic and rather dehumanising at times.

In the past, I have found many people using and abusing the anonymity of the internet to ask intrusive questions about my disability like, ‘Can you walk?’ or ‘Can you have sex?’ Others have called me ‘brave’ or even mocked me, saying how they would never date someone in a wheelchair.

I get a lot of men ruling me out because they view disability as a burden or undesirable – many people still feed into the stereotypical narrative that disabled people are sexless beings or unattractive.

As a result, I’ve often struggled with declaring my disability outright in online forums.

I seldom put a full picture of myself online in my wheelchair. Rather, I opt for a headshot. This is with the hope that people won’t immediately dismiss me due to their own unconscious bias or ignorance.

This method, however, has often left me feeling hollow inside. Masking my true identity only perpetuates feelings of not being good enough that stem from my already inflated internalised ableism, which is a common byproduct of living in a disabling world.

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