James Wade says he feels more relief than pride when he overcomes the challenges of bipolar disorder and performs at his best.
The 42-year-old was diagnosed with the mental health condition in 2009 just as he had made his way to the top of the sport, having won a raft of major tournaments in the previous two years.
Wade, who is an ambassador for charity Bipolar UK, has been able to navigate the challenges the illness has presented to remain among the elite players, but concedes that success often comes with a sense of relief rather than pride.
“Proud is probably not a word that would come into it really,” he told the PA news agency. “When I do well, I tick my own boxes in my mind.
“I know I can still do it, and I still can do it. When I do what I’ve been doing, at times, I just stand back and I feel probably relieved, because I know I can do it.
“But I also know how hard I can make it for myself. It’s nothing to do about anyone else, it’s about how I am and how I’m doing.”
There are many triggers to Wade’s illness, including a packed schedule, but he can spot the signs and knows how to manage it.
“I find it exhausting talking to a lot of people like you’re expected to because sometimes I just want to sit there and be quiet,” he said. “If you do that for six days, seven days, doing something that’s hard work for you, which other people take for granted, it mentally just drains you.
“In it you start feeling really negative about everything. It makes you hate everything around that.
“And it can happen that quick. I had a couple, three, four days like that, but I went fishing, came back and felt really refreshed, to be fair.
“So you know, quite lucky. It didn’t go into a big valley of doom and gloom, which you can do for weeks and weeks and weeks.”
In his role as an ambassador for Bipolar UK, Wade is hosting a charity dinner on August 22, to raise some much-needed funds.
Darts pals Michael Smith and Gerwyn Price will be in attendance along with songwriter Nicky Chinn and TV presenter Leah Charles-King.
Wade, who is preparing for the World Matchplay in Blackpool, said: “Bipolar UK is probably one of the worst funded charities. You have so many link-ons to other charities that someone’s doing this for that charity, then you’ll have a link on to another.
“Bipolar UK are on their own. They get nothing, which is disgusting.
“I’m lucky enough to have a small platform, and some people, not very many people, listen to me.
“When we approach people that are known, we always ask them to talk about the illness, because they’re opening more doors, making more people aware of it, not just for treatment, but also for understanding of how people are at times.
“The last thing you want is someone ending their life because they’re having a bad day with their illness. And that happens far too often.”
:: Tickets for James Wade’s “An Audience With Stars” at Old Thorns Resort & Hotel in Hampshire on August 22 are available at
