FLOURISHING AFTER 50: My husband and I split up last year. I’m now broke and too ashamed to ask for help

Dear Vanessa,

I’m 54 and feel like my whole life is falling apart. 

My husband and I split up last year, and since then, my finances have spiralled. I’m drowning in credit card debt and behind on my mortgage. 

Some days I can’t even get out of bed – the worry makes me feel physically sick. I feel too ashamed to tell my adult kids how bad it is, and I’ve started avoiding my friends because I can’t afford to go out. 

I know I need to face this, but the anxiety is crippling me. Where do I even start when my mind is a mess, and my money is worse? 

Megan.

Dear Megan,

Thank you for putting this into words. It takes real courage to say, ‘I need help.’ So many women over 50 are carrying this silent burden. Debt is one of the biggest causes of financial stress for people rebuilding after separation – and the shame that comes with it can feel just as heavy.

Debt loses its power when you face it step by step.

Start by writing down exactly what you owe – credit cards, loans, mortgage, everything. Seeing the true numbers can feel terrifying, but it is the first step to taking back control.

Next, look at what’s coming in. Are you working? Could you pick up a few extra shifts or side work to bring in even a few hundred dollars more each week? Small extra amounts add up over time.

Think about what you own too – do you have a spare room you could rent out for a while? Could you sell things you no longer need to ease the pressure? Every bit of extra cash helps.

Contact your bank and ask about hardship options. Many lenders will work with you to pause payments or restructure what you owe – they would rather help than see you fall further behind. And please call the National Debt Helpline on 1800 007 007. It’s free and confidential – they talk to people in your exact situation every day.

Remember, this is not just about money, it’s about how this stress is weighing on your mind and body. I asked Chelsea Pottenger, founder of EQ Minds and an expert in mental wellbeing, for her thoughts too, because your headspace needs care just as much as your finances.

Chelsea says: ‘When money stress builds up, it triggers survival mode – your mind can freeze and your body reacts with panic. The shame feeds isolation, but you are not alone and you don’t have to stay stuck. 

‘Try tiny resets such as a short walk, fresh air, and deep breathing to calm your nervous system so you can face the next step. And please, tell someone you trust, there is power in sharing what you’re carrying.’

Megan, this fear will start to shrink once you take action – one small step, then another. That is how you go from stuck to steady. You do not have to do it alone.

If you want to see more about what financial stress does to the body and how to break that cycle – watch my conversation with Chelsea. We talk through what really happens in your mind under pressure, and simple steps that can help you rebuild your money and your mental health, one day at a time.

Take a breath. Watch when you’re ready. And remember – help is out there, and you deserve it.

Vanessa.