Inside Meghan’s tendency to ‘control’, according to a royal insider: How the Duchess sought to master ‘every aspect’ of her life and even had a ‘careful plan’ for how she would ‘out’ her relationship with Harry

By all accounts, Meghan’s life story so far could be considered a modern day fairy tale.

Meghan had a Cinderella–esque rise, growing up as a young girl in Los Angeles before she arrived at the Palace and became the Duchess of Sussex. 

However, while a fictional story will have many unforeseen twists and turns, in Meghan’s case nothing happened by chance.

Tom Bower, writing in his bestseller Revenge, looks back on the early days of Harry and Meghan’s romance where he claims the former Suits actress meticulously planned how to ‘out’ Prince Harry as her boyfriend. 

‘In Meghan Markle’s life, little happened by chance. Beyond the empathetic smile was woman who disrupted spontaneity and liked to control every aspect of her life. In late September 2016 nothing was more important than her relationship with Harry,’ Bower said.

According to the royal insider, it was around this time that Meghan decided that her career needed an ‘adjustment’ – so in October 2016 her Wikipedia was purged of any reference to her work on Deal Or No Deal and her time as a model. 

‘A section headed “humanitarian work” was inserted’ in its place, which referenced her speech at a United Nations women’s event in New York among other achievements. 

It would appear as though, at this time, Meghan was attempting to downplay the media career she worked so hard to build and instead was beefing up her humanitarian work.

And, unsurprisingly, two weeks later Meghan emailed her agent – Gina Nelthorpe-Cowne – to announce the end of her acting and commercial career.

‘I realised it meant losing her as a friend as well as a client,’ Gina told Bower.

The timing of everything that month had been ‘carefully planned’ even down to the Halloween birthday party the couple attended in Toronto with Princess Eugenie and her boyfriend. 

Here, Meghan shared a photo on Instagram of her ‘secret Halloween date’.

Bower said: ‘Most at the party were in no doubt that Meghan was ‘”outing” Harry. 

‘For her own good reasons she wanted the relationship to be publicised. In media hype, some would call it the “Greatest Story since the Abdication”.’

A week later the romance burst into public view when journalist Camilla Tominey broke the story. The Daily Mail soon caught on to it, reporting that the couple had ‘matching bracelets’ and pointing out that Harry’s private instagram account followed Meghan.

Bower wrote: ‘”It has a ring of truth,” confirmed the Palace about the global sensation creating a frenzy outside Meghan’s house. She emerged, smiling to a crowd of photographers, and drove to the Suits studio.’

The ploy worked: Meghan gained 100,000 new followers and ‘journalists received numerous tips about the clothes and accessories Meghan was wearing’. 

However, once Meghan became a working member of the Royal Family she quickly learnt that in the Firm the narrative would not be so easy to control.

According to one royal author, Meghan allegedly tried to not only carve out their own independent career as a working royal but also tried to ‘outshine’ every other member of the family – including the late Queen Elizabeth II. 

Writing in his royal biography Yes Ma’am – which explores the lives of the men and women who serve the royals – author Tom Quinn claims that Meghan Markle caused a panic during her brief time as a working member of the family when the Duchess of Sussex signaled she wanted to operate separately from the Queen.

Quinn said: ‘Buckingham Palace became really worried when they became aware that Meghan had plans for her life as a working royal that were not going to be part of a general strategy agreed with the staff – she just wanted to do her own thing.

‘Which is fair enough if you’re not a member of a tightly controlled institution, but it was never going to be acceptable that Meghan should outshine Princess Anne, Prince Charles [as he then was] and Elizabeth the Queen.’

Speaking to Quinn, a former Courtier for Elizabeth said: ‘Elizabeth always had to be the centre and focus of everything the Royal Family did, and I don’t think Meghan understood why that had to make her do things she didn’t want to do.

‘She didn’t understand that when you join the Royal Family, you don’t do as you please, you do as you’re told. In a sense, you become a servant of the family.’ 

Meghan’s tendency to go off-script and rebel against the constraints of royal life were glaringly obvious during the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s tour of southern Africa in 2019.

While stopping to speak to ITV journalist Tom Bradby, Meghan gave a remarkably candid interview about how she was struggling to cope with the media scrutiny on top of being a new mother and a newlywed. 

During the interview she thanked Bradby for asking if she was OK, claiming that ‘not many people have asked if I’m OK’.

And then when asked if it had been a struggle, she agreed with the reporter’s analysis.

While Meghan received praise in some circles for her openness, it was not the sort of answer many working royals would have been expected to give during a royal tour. 

And the interview, along with the trip, became something of a PR disaster for the Royal Family.

Quinn added that Meghan ‘undoubtedly felt constrained’ by the Royal Family and that she and Harry needed ‘do their own thing without consulting the big royal machine’.

Only a few months later Harry and Meghan stepped down as working royals which not only gave them the freedom to control their narrative but also came with some lucrative benefits as well.

According to royal author Valentine Low, it was Meghan’s yearning to monetise her royal title which led to ‘Megxit’. 

Writing in his tell–all book Courtiers, Low claims that Meghan’s desire to ‘earn money for herself’ led the couple to abandon their duties entirely.

Low revealed that during discussions about how to reach a happy middle ground – which could please the whole family – multiple scenarios were explored. 

These ranged from Harry and Meghan ‘having a month a year to do their own thing’ to ‘spending most of their time privately but doing a select number of royal activities’.

The one caveat for the Sussexes continuing royal duties – however small or minor – was that they must stick to the ‘normal rules about royal behaviour’. 

Crucially, that would mean Harry and Meghan could not ‘act or take decisions in order to gain financially’.

Low writes: ‘Some suspected that in the end she wanted to make money. And the only way she was going to do that was by leaving her royal life behind and going back to America.’

Indeed, since stepping down as a working royal, Meghan appears to have focused much of her energy on her solo business projects and media projects – with the next season on With Love, Meghan set to debut next week.