FLOURISHING AFTER 50: Help! My partner and I have five adult kids, one family home… and a battle brewing over my will

Dear Vanessa,

I’m 64 and remarried eight years ago after being widowed. Between us, we have five adult children – three from my first marriage and two from my partner’s.

Here’s the problem: I brought most of the assets into this marriage. The family home has been in my life for decades – it’s where I raised my children with my late husband. On top of that, my late husband and I built investments together over 30 years of working. My partner has far less financially, but we’ve built a life together and I want to make sure they are secure if I pass away first.

My children believe the house should stay in ‘our side’ of the family, as it’s where they grew up and holds enormous sentimental value. My partner’s children expect they should inherit something too, as they see us as one family now. To make things worse, one of my children has been financially struggling, while another is very successful, and everyone has different ideas of what’s fair.

The tension is growing. I worry that if I leave everything to my children, my partner could be left vulnerable. But if I leave too much to my partner, my kids might lose their legacy and potentially resent both of us.

How do couples in blended families make these decisions without destroying relationships after they’re gone?

Thank you, 

Caught in the Middle. 

Dear Caught in the Middle,  

You’ve touched on one of the most emotionally charged money issues facing families today: inheritance in blended families. It isn’t just about money – it’s about loyalty, history, identity, and love. And that’s what makes it so hard.

What you’re describing is happening all over the world. The rise in second marriages and blended families has created a whole new set of dilemmas about who gets what when one partner passes away. Add in unequal assets, homes that carry deep sentimental value, and children at very different stages of financial security, and it becomes a recipe for conflict.

Here’s the truth: if you don’t address this openly now, the fight will almost certainly happen after you’re gone. Families everywhere are being torn apart over wills and estates. I’ve seen siblings stop speaking for decades, and stepchildren walk away from relationships entirely, because expectations weren’t managed.

So what can you do?

First, accept that fair and equal are not always the same thing. You might feel your children deserve more because you brought the assets into the marriage – and you’d have a strong argument. But your partner has built a life with you too, and if they were left with nothing, it would not only leave them vulnerable, but risk poisoning your children’s relationship with them forever.

Second, the home. Homes are where emotions flare. One idea many families consider is keeping the surviving spouse in the house until they pass or move out, with the property then reverting to the children of the original owner. That way your partner has security, but your children know the home isn’t leaving their side of the family. Other families sell the property and divide proceeds, but only after careful conversation about what that means for everyone.

Third, transparency is everything. The worst outcome is surprising your children in a will. Having a calm, structured conversation now may feel uncomfortable, but it will save years of pain later. If you and your partner can sit down with all children together, even better – it shows unity and helps reduce speculation.

Finally, professional guidance matters. Estate planners, lawyers, and trusted financial advisers deal with this every day. They can help structure things legally, so your wishes are carried out, and your loved ones are protected. If you’re looking for one, here’s my free Find an Adviser link to help you get started.

What’s at stake here isn’t just dividing assets – it’s protecting your partner, preserving your children’s sense of legacy, and keeping your family relationships intact. And in the end, that’s worth far more than any dollar figure.

Good luck,

Vanessa.