FLOURISHING AFTER 50: We’re mortgage free – but should we risk our home to help our son buy his?

Dear Vanessa,

My husband and I are in our early 60s and finally mortgage-free after 30 years of hard work. Our son and his partner are in their late 20s and desperate to buy, but the market feels impossible for them.

They’ve asked if we’d consider redrawing from our home loan or taking out a new loan so they can use the money as a deposit.

Part of us wants to help – we know how tough it is for young people now – but we also worry we could be putting our own security at risk.

We’ve only just reached the point where we can breathe, and the thought of going back into debt makes us uneasy.

On top of that, we’re concerned about what happens if they break up. How can we protect whatever help we give?

We’d really appreciate your insight.

Joanna and Greg

Dear Joanna and Greg,

You’re asking the question so many parents are quietly struggling with – how to help your kids buy a home without putting your own financial future at risk. It’s generous that you want to support them, but your concern is valid.

Before doing anything, it’s important to understand what your financial comfort zone really is. Even a small top-up mortgage at today’s rates can eat into your peace of mind. A good first step is to test the impact of different loan amounts and interest rates. You can use my free calculator to see what repayments would look like. Sometimes seeing the numbers makes the decision clearer.

If you do decide to help, there are safer ways to do it than simply handing over money.

Become a guarantor, not a borrower

This is often the best compromise for parents who want to help without dipping into savings. As a guarantor, you use part of the equity in your home as security for your child’s loan. It can help them borrow more or avoid paying lenders’ mortgage insurance – but you’re not taking on a new loan yourself.

The key is to limit your exposure. Ask the bank to cap your guarantee to a set amount (for example, 20 per cent of the property value) rather than the full loan. And make sure you understand the risks: if your child defaults, you’re liable for that portion.

If you’re gifting money, protect it

If your son and his partner are buying together, have the property ownership recorded as ‘tenants in common’, showing who owns what percentage. You can also specify that the gift came from you to your son only, not to the couple jointly. That helps protect him if the relationship doesn’t last.

If it’s a loan, put it in writing

Even if it’s interest-free, a signed agreement between all parties protects everyone’s intentions. It’s not about mistrust – it’s about clarity. Money has a way of muddying relationships when things go wrong.

If you’re unsure, encourage your son and his partner to speak to both a mortgage broker and a lawyer before you commit. It’s a small investment that can save enormous stress later.

You’ve worked hard for your financial freedom – and it’s worth protecting. Helping your kids into a home can be wonderful but do it in a way that keeps you safe and secure. Sometimes, the best kind of love is the one that says yes – but with boundaries.

All the best,

Vanessa