FLOURISHING AFTER 50: My family thinks I’m tight – I think I’m being realistic about Christmas

Dear Vanessa,

I’m a man in my late 50s, married, with three adult children and three young grandchildren – and if I’m honest, I’m dreading Christmas this year.

From the outside, we probably look like we’re doing fine. We’ve both worked hard, raised our kids, and always tried to be generous. 

Christmas has traditionally been at our place, and with that comes the assumption that we’ll host, pay for most of it, and make it ‘special’ for everyone – especially the grandchildren.

But the expectations keep growing.

This year, there’s an assumption that my wife and I will pay for a holiday house for everyone – right on the water. It’s being talked about as if it’s a given. The problem is, it’s not cheap. Not even close.

I’d be perfectly happy with something simpler and more affordable, but when I raise that idea, I’m made to feel like I’m spoiling the fun. I hear things like, ‘It’s Christmas,’ ‘The kids will love it,’ or ‘You can afford it.’

What no one seems to consider is that this all comes out of real money. Money my wife and I still need for our own future. We’re very aware that we don’t have endless working years left, and once Christmas is over, the bills don’t magically disappear.

I love my family. I adore my grandchildren. But I’m sick of feeling guilty for wanting to be careful, and I’m tired of pretending this level of spending is sustainable just to keep the peace.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to rein things in?

Feeling Fed Up

Dear Fed Up

You’re not being unreasonable – you’re being realistic. And Christmas is often when long-standing expectations suddenly come into sharp focus.

What you’re describing is incredibly common for couples at your stage of life. You’ve been the reliable ones – the hosts, the organisers, the ones who make things happen. Over time, that reliability quietly turns into obligation.

Paying for a holiday house – particularly an expensive one right on the water – is not a small ask. It’s a significant financial decision, and it’s reasonable to question it, especially when you’re thinking not just about this Christmas, but the many years ahead.

When people say, ‘It’s only once a year,’ they forget that once a year still has to be affordable. Christmas spending doesn’t exist in isolation – it sits alongside your mortgage, your future income, your health, and the lifestyle you’re trying to protect.

Wanting to choose a cheaper place to stay isn’t being tight. It’s recognising that memories don’t come from postcode or price tag – they come from time together. Children won’t remember whether the house was beachfront or budget. They’ll remember who was there.

You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation of your finances. A calm, consistent message like, ‘We’re keeping things simpler this year,’ or ‘We’re choosing something more affordable,’ is enough. Anyone who pushes back is reacting to changed expectations, not a lack of love.

If this tension is causing ongoing stress for you and your wife, it can help to talk it through with a financial adviser who can model what you can comfortably afford now and what makes sense for the years ahead. That clarity often makes these conversations much easier and less emotional.

If you don’t already have someone you trust, you can find a qualified financial adviser via my free referral service. A good adviser won’t tell you what to do – they’ll help you understand your options so you can stand your ground without guilt.

Christmas traditions are allowed to change as families do. Wanting something simpler doesn’t make you the bad guy – it makes you thoughtful about the future you’re still living into.

All the best,

Vanessa