It’s no mystery why you’re still single. If you’re guilty of any of these turn-offs, you don’t stand a chance: DIANE GOTTSMAN
Have you been struggling for years to find love? Wondering why all of your past romances didn’t work out?
It’s easy to find fault in others and chalk it up to them simply not being the one. But taking a closer look at what you might be doing to sabotage the kismet may reveal some hidden faults of your own.
Because your failed love life might actually come down to a few of your own habits.
In my 25 years as a global etiquette expert, I’ve seen firsthand how people unknowingly destroy their romances because of behaviors that they don’t even realize are major turn-offs to others.
Thankfully, once you know about them they’re pretty easy to change. Here are the common acts that you may not realize are subtly ruining your relationships… and how to fix them.
SPEAKING MORE THAN LISTENING
A common mistake people make when attempting to build a new relationship is dominating the conversation.
When someone is excited or giddy, they often nervously ramble. They have a false sense that they have found their soulmate and want to make every effort to connect. But this can be a major turn off to potential new partners.
Diane Gottsman is an internationally renowned etiquette expert
Talking about yourself incessantly, not showing interest in the other person’s life, interrupting and speaking in a loud tone of voice is a conversation killer and will ultimately ruin any romance before a foundation can be built.
Love starts in the ears – listen more than you speak and ask thoughtful questions. Avoid rambling on and on, and allow the other person to get to share and ask questions.
USING YOUR PHONE TOO MUCH
The kiss of romantic death is spending time on your cell phone rather than paying attention to your date.
Checking your messages constantly, having a text conversation or scrolling on social media during a date can make your significant other feel like they’re unimportant to you and ultimately drive a wedge between you two.
This behavior communicates a low level of priority and the next call or text you receive may be the reason they are leaving before the dessert course.
Make sure not to appear to be more interested in your technology if you want your relationship to last.
SHARING TOO MUCH INFORMATION TOO SOON
She shared the common habits that you may not realize are subtly ruining your relationships… and how to fix them (stock image)
While a strong relationship requires good communication, and it’s important to have honest conversations, another common habit that sabotages relationships is when you share too much information about yourself too soon.
The first date is not the time to expose intimate details about deeply personal issues of yours, or others, when there is no guarantee you will see this person again.
Relationships grow in stages and the initial stage is a ‘getting to know you’ scenario where you are exchanging basic information, and deciding if there is mutual interest and connection.
While you make feel excited if you hit it off right away, opening up about too much too soon can make the other person think you lack self-control or self-awareness.
It’s also a privacy issue when you reveal information that doesn’t need to be shared with someone who may prove not to be trustworthy.
BASHING YOUR EX
One of the biggest dating faux pas is bashing your ex to your new partner.
Using discretion and speaking with respect about a former partner shows a level of decorum that is much more attractive than someone who is critical and cruel.
Talking badly about a former lover may also be a sign of unresolved feelings, which could leave your new partner feeling like you are not over your last relationship.
If you do have to discuss why things ended in your past romance, it is much more attractive to say something like: ‘We both came to the conclusion that our future was not with each other.’
There is nothing wrong with opening up about a relationship disconnect later, but it’s important to allow the connection to unfold before getting too specific.
BEING RUDE TO OTHERS IN PUBLIC SETTINGS
Gottsman advised against bashing an ex to a new partner, sharing too much information early on and expecting a lot from the other person
When you’re first getting to know someone, you both will be paying attention to every detail to learn everything you can about them.
This includes how they treat other people in public settings.
Overlooking the rudimentary code of decency such as being impolite to the server, scowling at the restaurant hostess if your table is not ready, treating the car valet with contempt for accidentally moving the temperature dial, talking down to strangers, bragging and name dropping, are all absolute turn offs.
EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM THE OTHER PERSON
Another unhealthy habit that often ruins a new relationship, is when you expect too much from the other person.
Expectations can often be uneven. The expectation of being indulged when the other person has a tight budget, for example, or wanting an expensive gift for a special holiday when you aren’t on the same page financially, or emotionally, can cause friction.
If you expect your partner to pick up the check each time you go out, and the other person prefers to split the cost, there are going to be some bumps unless the issue can be communicated and resolved.
It’s important to remember that different people have different priorities so be careful not to expect too much of your partner before you really get to know one another.
WANTING COMMITMENT TOO QUICKLY
Keeping expectations reasonable while enjoying the shared experiences without unnecessary pressure for someone to move faster than they are comfortable is positive way for the relationship to take root.
But wanting a commitment too quickly can definitely scare your new partner away.
Putting pressure on someone always feels uncomfortable, especially when you have only been dating a few weeks.
Remember, relationships are built on a foundation of honesty, trust, respect and mutual interests.
