Brodie Ryan and Nathan Buckley’s break-up ‘statement’ was utterly mortifying. Were the rumours true after all? AMANDA GOFF

It will be remembered as one of the greatest historical moments of our time. The Earth surely tilted on its axis. None of us will ever forget where we were or what we were doing when we heard the news.

AFL star Nathan Buckley and his girlfriend of three years Brodie Ryan have split up.

I almost missed my flight to Melbourne, standing outside Newslink, scrolling, reeling in devastation, shock, sadness… not sure how to feel, what to say… Would life ever be the same again?

Ahem.

Of course, you’d have no idea about the split if you’re just a footy fan following the Collingwood legend on Instagram – Nathan hasn’t posted a thing.

He wants privacy, as most adults over 25 probably would. No bloke, especially one in his 50s, wants to post a photo of himself crying at the pub over his girlfriend. ‘Table for one, please…’

Mind you, heartbreak is a road well-travelled for Nathan, who separated from his wife Tania in 2020 after 18 years of marriage.

Then his brief relationship with cosmetic nurse Alex Pike came to a sad end in 2021. 

Both women have remained stoically silent and just got on with their lives. No one knows the details of their splits except, I should imagine, their nearest and dearest.

His now ex partner of three years, however? Not so much.

She has issued a statement akin to Buckingham Palace announcing the death of Princess Diana.

Honestly, you’ve got to read it to believe it. I did – about five times. ‘Months of heartbreak…’ ‘kind messages of support’… I was speechless.

Then there was the ‘end of an era’ snap of a solitary glass of wine at her favourite pub in Elwood – even the locals got a sad salute of ‘adieu’.

End of an era? Didn’t they purchase their house less than a year ago?

The heartbroken lass even referred to herself and Nathan as ‘Brodes and Bucks’ – which I am pretty sure no one has said. Ever. Sorry, ‘Brodes’, you may be well-known for being Nathan’s bird in Melbourne, but Posh and Becks you ain’t.

And who the hell is Tank? A sobbing toddler now in the throes of a bitter family court battle, à la Meryl Streep and Dustin Hoffman in Kramer vs. Kramer?

Nope, it’s their dog. Poor Tank. Now I was sad to read that. I love my dog – but would I mention him in a break-up statement like he were a real-life human child? No.

I also wouldn’t change my relationship status to ‘it’s complicated’ on Facebook.  But that’s me.

Look, ladies, splits are sad, they suck. I don’t know why Brodie and Bucks called it quits. The rumour mill is in overdrive that she didn’t want to move to Tassie, that she wanted kids, that Nathan is heartbroken, that she’s heartbroken…

Only ‘Brodes and Bucks’ know the truth, and it’s better that way. Trust me, I know.

Genuinely, woman to woman, I am sorry you are going through a split and I hope you have a strong female network around you with wine, choccies and hugs.

Being a WAG is a full-time gig wrapped in veneers, fake tan, glittery dresses and, let’s face it, a lot of competition from other women. I would hate it.

But it’s a role lots of young women aspire to because it also means front row seats, a blue tick, red carpet events and sponsorship deals – not to mention going to bed every night with a fit, hot athlete.

But there’s something even tougher than being a WAG – and that’s not being one anymore. When the relationship is over, the invites dry up, the stylist stops calling and suddenly you have to pay for your own clothes. 

A break-up with a sports star isn’t just a break-up; it’s a cannonball thud back to reality. And the most unfortunate thing about her Hollywood-style split announcement is it will fuel the rumour that Brodie liked being a famous WAG a little… too much.

Yes, I hear there have been plenty of snipes this week among footy housewives who really should know better. I won’t repeat them, but the schadenfreude is real.

One thing I will say is that at least Brodie is well-respected in Melbourne where she works in women’s health at Epworth Hospital. She can throw herself into her career – but women who give up everything to be sportsman’s plus-one? Devastating.

Brodie, as a woman who has also been in the public eye and endured a public split, let me give you some kind words of advice: keep the details private. Stay away from the drama. And let me assure you of this: the less you say, the better it will be.

I made the mistake of doing the ‘I’m devastated’ Instagram posts when I got dumped by a famous fella. I posted a picture of an Ikea chair and said it was more stable than my ex. (Okay, at least that was funny).

I even posted photos of myself crying. Mortifying! I assumed people genuinely cared. I wanted sympathy and validation, and it was a time in my life when I felt pretty lost.

Newspaper articles were written about us. People judged, took sides and I copped a lot of “well, what does she expect?” because of my old life as Samantha X,

All it did was compound my pain. Not to mention make men extremely wary of dating me from then on because they didn’t want the headache of publicity.

That was almost a decade ago. I’ve grown up and, at 51, I look back and cringe. 

Being public about private matters like love and relationships didn’t do me any favours at all – and what did I do it for? A few fleeting moments of attention, a bit of payback and some empty compassion from people who really didn’t care about me.

I learned the hard way and now I like to keep my love life private. No one knows who I am dating and that’s great, because no one will know when it’s over.

There’s a difference between secrecy and privacy. And to me, privacy is the biggest luxury of all these days.

Take note, Brodes.