Brooklyn and Harry are a pair of wet wipes who lack the gumption to stand up for the families who love them: JAN MOIR

Wait, what? Brooklyn and Nicola aren’t speaking to Posh and Becks and made this abundantly clear when they renewed their wedding vows and didn’t invite the paternal parents to this ridiculous occasion – an event that had no religious purpose or civic function, making it empty of meaning but full of malice?

I’m afraid so. And as if to underline the vindictive intent, it was Nelson Peltz – the bride’s 83-year-old businessman father – who officiated at the ceremony, held on his private estate in upstate New York. Mr Peltz is no stranger to wedding ceremonies, having been married three times himself.

Yet, even by billionaire-daughter-daddy’s-girl standards, isn’t he an odd choice? The whole event seems more like an exorcism than a wedding, a gift-wrapped kidnap in all but name. For make no mistake, Brooklyn Beckham has been taken.

At first, this just seemed like another warring tale of fabulously wealthy families locked in a gratuitous power battle because they need – they must! – add meaning to their gilded, empty lives.

Frankly, I was sick of the headlines. Brooklyn and Nicola, blah blah blah. Who cares about this pair of glossy non-achievers; the young king and queen of nepo-babydom, a couple of duds who owe everything to their parents’ hard graft and talents, having achieved so little on their own merits?

Yet if you look closer you can see that this family fracture has developed into a modern American horror story, one in which a petty feud has flamed into all-out war and where social media has been weaponised to cause maximum hurt. And the main goal appears to be to wound David and Victoria Beckham, who are being punished for sins unknown and God knows what.

As if to underline the vindictive intent, writes Jan Moir, it was Nelson Peltz – the bride’s 83-year-old businessman father – who officiated at the ceremony

Both Brooklyn and Harry have taken an axe to their households and cut their family connections in half

You’d think their clueless first-born would be a little more grateful for his mum and dad’s loving, unstinting generosity throughout his life; bankrolling many of his calamitous career attempts to make it big – somehow, anyhow! – as a footballer, a model, a photographer and a TV chef.

Everything came to nothing, of course, even if his attempts in 2022 to be the next Jamie Oliver gave us all a good laugh. ‘Dicing is like making it smaller,’ he told viewers who had yet to grasp the mechanics and purpose of the chopping process.

‘I love cheese. It’s like butter,’ he said, showing a mastery of dairy produce that would put Little Miss Muffet to shame. ‘I don’t know if I’ll become a great chef,’ he mused while fumbling over a breakfast sandwich and trying to pick up a fried egg with a pair of tongs. Spoiler alert – he did not.

Greatness continues to elude our hero, in more ways than one. In recent months on his social media accounts, Brooklyn has unfollowed his two brothers while failing to acknowledge his parents’ birthdays or important family events such as his father’s impending knighthood.

This might seem trivial but it is the modern equivalent of a declaration of war, like throwing chests of tea into Boston Harbour to damage Anglo-American relations.

Rubbing salt – it is a condiment used to season food, Brooklyn – into the wound, he posted photographs on Instagram of the renewal ceremony alongside a white heart emoji and the words ‘only love’ and ‘forever my girl’. Nicola posed in her white dress and told the world that ‘this day meant so much to us’. Then why turn such a precious, private moment into a public revenge-fest? As if we didn’t know.

Comparisons are often made between Nicola Peltz and Meghan Markle, depicting them both as self-obsessed she-schemers who extracted their doltish husbands from the oyster shells of their former family lives – and claimed these pearls of manhood (ahem) as exclusively their own. There may be more than a little truth in the parallel lives and ambitions of the Duchess of Sussex and the Palm Beach Princess, but surely the more telling similarities are not between these two terrifying women, but between Brooklyn Beckham and Prince Harry.

They are the two lost boys of the age; a pair of wet wipes with no real purpose or role in life, grown men who failed to find a vocation or a position, a telling degree of personal success or the ability to stand on their own two feet.

This is despite being afforded every chance to do so while being showered with the kind of golden opportunities denied to young men without nepo connections or the comforting cushion of inherited wealth. They became sitting ducks for purposeful, organised wives-in-waiting like Nicola and Meghan. Daffy ducks who could easily be persuaded that they had been wronged, slighted and overlooked. That they deserved more and were better off out of reach from family ties and obligations.

How pathetic that Brooklyn and Harry allowed themselves to become estranged from their nearest and dearest, giving up all they had grown up with at a stroke. How sad that neither of them seem to have the gumption, the moral strength, the intelligence or the inclination to stand up for themselves and their own blood. And how sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child.

The hurt they have caused to those they once loved is immeasurable. In a few short years, both Brooklyn and Harry have taken an axe to their households and cut their family connections in half. Will they both live to regret their actions? Your guess is as good as mine. However, as a great chef who never was once wisely said, dicing only makes things smaller.

By the way, what a nonsense these renewal-of-vows rituals are becoming. It is now the narcissist’s ceremony of choice – for what could be more self-centred than remarrying the same person multiple times?

Mel B tied the knot twice to husband Rory McPhee, first in London, then in Marrakesh where she wore a dress crusted with bugle beads and a Moroccan-inspired veil. And Tyson Fury has just remarried his wife Paris for the third time, latterly in a French church surrounded by their seven children.

Brooklyn and Nicola Peltz-Beckham have only been married for three years, yet here they are, renewing the brand new. It might seem more like a stumbling block than a milestone, but when you have mutually achieved so little in life, perhaps even the trivial becomes totemic.

Kate’s very special celebration of life

The Princess of Wales sits in a field of purple flowers in the video

What is the point of the Princess of Wales’s new video celebrating summer and nature? What exactly is she trying to say?

Once you have ploughed your way through the banalities about butterflies and marched through her airy-fairy prairie, one is left with the thought that Kate, like many who have had cancer, is contemplating her own mortality through the prism of the beauty of the world.

And after you have stopped to smell the roses and agreed with her that, yes, nature is wonderful, that is something to think about.

Millions agree with Jenrick on migrants

The BBC has had to apologise after a contributor to the Radio 4 Today programme’s Thought For The Day slot casually accused Tory justice spokesman Robert Jenrick of ‘xenophobia’.

Theologian and author Dr Krish Kandiah used the term about a Mail on Sunday article in which Jenrick wrote that he wouldn’t want his daughters living near ‘men from backward countries who broke into Britain illegally and about whom you know next to nothing’.

Jenrick’s use of the word ‘backward’ is questionable and clumsy – but surely he is only expressing misgivings shared by millions of British people?

Yet Dr Kandiah – whose role as founder of refugee charity the Sanctuary Foundation was not mentioned – piously explained that ‘these words echo a fear many have absorbed – fear of the stranger.

The technical name for this is xenophobia’.

In response, an understandably aggrieved Jenrick said listeners had been told that ‘if you’re concerned about the threat of illegal migrants to your kids, you’re racist’.

You have to wonder how many BBC hands this pre-recorded segment went through without anyone in charge thinking, hang on a minute. Perhaps because they really do believe than anyone who raises a bat squeak of concern about illegal migrants actually is racist.

It’s just another example of two-tier Britain, a country where a white woman can be jailed for 31 months for sending a racist tweet while a Nigerian man convicted of sexually assaulting a 19-year-old girl – by sticking his hands into her trousers and pulling her to the ground – is let off with a community order.

During sentencing in Bournemouth this week, the judge lavishly sympathised with Ayomide Famakinde’s ‘very troubled background and difficult life’, and described the assault as a ‘momentary aberration’. This was in marked contrast to the response of the tearful victim, who said that Famakinde had ‘ruined my life’.

We are at the stage now where the police are to consider disclosing the ethnicity and nationality of suspects when they are charged in high-profile and sensitive cases. Sometimes the police won’t even disclose the ethnicity of suspects who are on the run from the law.

It’s as if the authorities and the Left are so terrified that anyone will exhibit wrongthink instead of wokethink that they cannot be allowed to think at all.

Why we can’t Carrie on

Sarah Jessica Parker has played Carrie Bradshaw since 1998

The Sex and The City reboot series And Just Like That is getting the Louboutin boot – and not before time. It’s not vintage viewing any more, it is just cringe – and I couldn’t help but wonder, how will it all end?

Carrie, played by Sarah Jessica Parker, is the ultimate single girl; will the writers dare allow her to find a husband and live happily ever after – like her ancestral sister Elizabeth Bennet in Pride And Prejudice? Or is that too twee for today?

The ending everyone wants is the reappearance of Samantha (Kim Cattrall) and a final scene that re-unites the famous four to share one last Cosmo together. I’d tune in for that.

Be honest chaps, you would love to be Leo

Leonardo DiCaprio and Vittoria Ceretti on a luxury yacht in St Tropez

Given the opportunity and the choice, wouldn’t most men behave like 50-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio when it comes to dating women?

If Joe Bloggs had to choose between say, a 45-year-old divorced professional with plantar fasciitis, strong opinions on everything and a fondness for waterfall cardigans – or a beautiful 22-year-old Italian supermodel in a bikini who only eats salad and whose face lights up every time you walk in the room, what do you think he would do?

He’d choose lettuce and Letizia, of course. Every single time.

In future, learner drivers will need to know how to administer CPR in order to pass their driving test. Well, why not? It isn’t such a terrible idea. Not only will it help save lives, but it will also concentrate the mind as to the many hazards on the road. Driving can be dangerous, so let’s be careful out there.

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