Cancer treatments can take a devastating toll on your LIBIDO – so as a sex therapist, I’m calling for a new approach to help patients rediscover intimacy in the bedroom

When someone hears the words ‘you have cancer’, the world shifts in an instant. Treatment plans, hospital appointments and survival statistics quickly take centre stage. 

But for many patients, another profound change unfolds quietly behind closed doors; in their relationships, their intimacy and their sense of self.

A cancer diagnosis is not solely a physical event; it is an emotional and psychological one that can reshape how a person sees themselves and how they connect with others. 

While advances in oncology have significantly improved survival rates across many cancer types, there is growing recognition that survival alone is not enough. Quality of life, including emotional well-being, relationships and sexual health, is an essential part of comprehensive cancer care.

The psychological effects of a cancer diagnosis can be just as powerful as the physical ones when it comes to sexual activity and intimacy. Anxiety, depression and changes in body image are common among patients undergoing treatment. 

Hair loss, surgical scars, fatigue and other side effects can alter how individuals feel in their own bodies. These changes can lead to reduced sexual desire, difficulties with arousal, or avoidance of intimacy altogether.

Emotions often run high during this time, and communication can falter. Patients may struggle to articulate what they are feeling, while partners may fear saying the wrong thing or causing additional distress. 

Fear, of rejection, of physical discomfort, of no longer being desirable, can take hold. In many cases, intimacy becomes a sensitive or even avoided topic, despite its importance to overall well-being.

Partners and caregivers can play a vital role in navigating these challenges. Offering reassurance, listening empathetically and creating space for open, honest conversations can help maintain connection during an otherwise destabilising time.

Even simple acts of closeness, such as holding hands or spending quiet time together, can reinforce emotional bonds. Importantly, intimacy is not limited to sexual activity; it encompasses a broader spectrum of connection, affection and mutual understanding.

For individuals who are not in relationships, the impact can be equally significant. Concerns about dating, disclosure and future relationships are common, particularly among younger people.

Acknowledging that your sexual self still matters is a critical step in ensuring that people living with cancer feel seen and supported as whole individuals, not just as diagnoses.

It is little wonder that sex goes to the bottom of the pile when there’s a cancer diagnosis. In the face of life-threatening illness, priorities understandably shift toward treatment and survival. However, this does not diminish the importance of intimacy; rather, it highlights how easily it can be overlooked in clinical settings.

Healthcare professionals are increasingly being called upon to address this gap. Research and clinical guidance emphasise that discussions about sexual health should be a routine part of cancer care, not an afterthought. Yet in practice, these conversations often do not happen. 

Time constraints, discomfort with the topic and assumptions about patient priorities can all act as barriers.

Healthcare providers can help tackle the effects of a diagnosis by initiating gentle, open-ended discussions about intimacy. Asking simple questions such as whether a patient has concerns about relationships or sexual wellbeing can signal that the topic is both valid and welcome. 

Providing a safe, non-judgmental space allows patients and their partners to express fears, ask questions and seek guidance.

This message was emphasised in a session titled ‘Addressing Psychosexual Support in Cancer Care’ that I presented at the 2026 Global Oncology and Haematology Congress hosted by Network for Collaborative Oncology Development & Advancement. 

The session highlighted the need for a more holistic approach to cancer treatment — one that recognises the interconnected nature of physical, emotional and sexual health.

The focus should not simply be survival but quality of life. This perspective aligns with broader trends in oncology, where patient-reported outcomes and lived experiences are increasingly valued alongside clinical measures.

Rebuilding intimacy after a diagnosis may require time, creativity and patience. Physical changes resulting from surgery, chemotherapy, radiation or hormone therapies can affect sexual function in different ways, depending on the type of cancer and treatment. 

For example, some treatments may lead to fatigue or hormonal changes that impact libido, while others may cause discomfort or require adjustments in sexual activity.

It is about thinking outside the box and using available tools to rekindle a connection. This might include exploring new ways of expressing intimacy, prioritising emotional closeness, or seeking support from trained professionals such as counsellors or psychosexual therapists. 

Practical interventions, including the use of lubricants, pelvic health therapies or guided counselling, can also play a role in addressing specific concerns.

Education is another critical component. Many patients report receiving little to no information about how treatment might affect their sexual health. 

Providing clear, evidence-based information before, during and after treatment can help individuals feel more prepared and less isolated in their experiences. It also reinforces the idea that these concerns are common and legitimate.

Importantly, addressing intimacy in cancer care is not about restoring a previous ‘normal’, but about adapting to a new reality.

Relationships may evolve, priorities may shift, and definitions of intimacy may change. What matters is that patients and their partners are supported in finding what works for them, given their circumstances.

There is also a broader cultural dimension to consider. In many societies, discussions about sex and intimacy remain taboo, which can further silence patients’ concerns. Normalising these conversations — within healthcare settings and beyond — is essential to ensuring that individuals feel empowered to seek help and support.

And perhaps most importantly, patients should remember that cancer does not erase their sexuality. It may change how it is expressed or experienced, but it does not diminish its value. Recognising and addressing this aspect of life is not a luxury; it is a fundamental part of holistic, patient-centred care.

Lorraine Grover is a Registered General Nurse and qualified Sex Therapist. She was a speaker at NCODA’s recent Oncology and Haematology Congress in Dublin. See lorrainegrover.com