Dating expert names the seemingly innocent ‘five word phrase’ that’s a huge red flag at ANY relationship stage
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of the line, ‘It just wasn’t meant to be,’ you may have chalked it up to bad timing or a relationship mismatch.
But according to one of Australia’s leading dating experts, those five innocent words can reveal far more about someone’s mindset than you may have thought and are a sure sign of a relationship that was never built to last.
Perth-based matchmaker Louanne Ward, who has worked in the industry for more than 30 years, said she has noticed a striking pattern among clients who remain single the longest, date extensively and struggle to sustain long-term partnerships.
‘The clients who stayed single longest, dated the most people and struggled to make anything last, described their past relationships the same way,’ she explained.
‘They just weren’t the right one. It wasn’t meant to be.’
While most people have leaned on those phrases at some point to soften the blow of heartbreak, Ward cautioned that when they become a recurring narrative, they point to something deeper than misfortune.
‘We all use these lines to console ourselves and soften the blow which helps to make it feel like fate, not failure,’ she added.
But when someone attributes every failed relationship to destiny, she argued it is no longer about timing, luck or poor choices, but a belief system.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of the line, ‘It just wasn’t meant to be,’ you may have chalked it up to bad timing or a relationship mismatch, but matchmaker Louanne Ward (pictured) says it’s far worse
Relationship research refers to this mindset as ‘destiny belief’ – the conviction that love should feel effortless, that the right partner will intuitively understand you without explanation, that chemistry must be instant and sustained, and that conflict signals incompatibility.
It is a romantic ideal many grow up believing, yet Louanne warned it can quietly undermine even promising partnerships.
She continued that research shows those who strongly subscribe to destiny belief often begin relationships feeling highly satisfied. However, their contentment tends to decline more rapidly than those who approach love with a different outlook.
The reason, Louanne said, is simple: when challenges arise, as they inevitably do, they interpret them as proof they chose the wrong person.
‘Every disagreement becomes evidence. Every rough patch proves they’re not the one,’ she said, adding that when love requires effort, those with a fixed view of romance are more likely to walk away than work through it.
In contrast, Louanne advocates for what psychologists describe as a ‘growth belief’, which revolves around the understanding that enduring love is cultivated, not discovered.
‘It understands that a soulmate isn’t found, they’re built through shared experiences, hard conversations, repair after conflict, [and] choosing each other again and again when staying is harder than leaving.’
Under this framework, satisfaction deepens not because a relationship was fated, but because both partners invest, adapt and mature together.
While most people have leaned on the phrase at some point to soften the blow of heartbreak, Ward cautioned that when they become a recurring narrative, they point to something deeper than misfortune
However, Louanne was quick to clarify there is nothing inherently wrong with believing in soulmates. The issue, she said, arises when someone expects love to remain effortless.
‘Someone who leaves every time love requires effort will never see you as ‘the one.’ Not because you weren’t enough, but because no one will ever be enough for someone who believes love shouldn’t require work.’
And if that belief remains unchallenged, she warned, each partner risks becoming just another chapter in the same familiar story.
Another challenge facing new couples, Louanne said, comes down to neuroscience determining lifelong partner cues before you’ve even said hello.
According to the finding, when you first meet a potential partner, there is a split-second moment that can make or break a budding romance, and according to Louanne, most men have absolutely no idea it’s happening.
Louanne says that blaming every failed relationship on fate points to a deeper belief system. Research shows people who strongly believe in ‘destiny’ start relationships highly satisfied, but their happiness fades faster than those who see love as something that grows
It’s a concept called ‘thin slicing’, and as Louanne explained, it’s not a gut feeling or a random assumption, it’s backed by proven neuroscience that might shock some.
‘When it comes to dating, she needs about seven-to-twelve seconds to decide. And whatever happens in that narrow window, that’s when her brain makes the call if she likes him,’she added.
While many might assume women base their dating decisions on conversation, common interests, or even physical attraction, Louanne said the brain is already making critical evaluations before any of that comes into play.
‘Her brain is scanning for very specific things: leadership, safety, confidence, and emotional stability.’
These four qualities, apparently, are hardwired into the female brain as essential cues for long-term compatibility – particularly when it comes to evolutionary biology and reproduction.
Louanne has worked with thousands of singles over her two-decade career and says women’s brains are built to process micro-signals at lightning speed when meeting a potential partner.
The term refers to the brain’s ability to make quick judgments with very limited information, something psychologists have studied for years.
In the dating world, this shows up the moment a man walks in the door or introduces himself.
