If January hit you like a freight train and your resolutions don’t seem to be sticking past the first week, you’re not alone. The shift from holiday chaos to “new year, new me” happens so fast, and for most of us, it asks way more than our nervous systems are ready to give.
The problem isn’t that you’re failing. It’s that resolutions are often built on pressure, perfection, and willpower—three things that rarely hold up in real life. Especially in a world that’s already overstimulating, exhausting, and demanding constant self-optimization.
Let’s talk a bit more about this whole resolution trap, and what a more realistic reset looks like.
Resolutions backfire…here’s what to do instead
Addiction and wellness specialist Erica Spiegelman has long said the issue starts with the word resolution itself.
“I believe in changing the language around this,” she explains. “Intentions are more flexible and have a manifesting power. Intentions are positive, empathetic, and have a positive approach.”
That flexibility matters. Resolutions are rigid by nature. Miss a day, bend the rule, or have a tough week, and it suddenly feels like the whole thing is over. Intentions, on the other hand, create direction without demanding perfection.
Spiegelman suggests choosing a word to guide you rather than a strict set of rules—something you can return to when things feel off.
“Choose your word for the year…select a word that can carry you and inspire you,” she says. “It’s a very powerful way to create intention.”
Grace beats perfection, every time
Licensed marriage and family therapist Vienna Pharaon points out that resolutions leave almost no room for grace.
“The moment you misstep, it’s easy for your inner critic to activate and tell you that you’re a failure,” she says. “It can strip away your confidence and your desire for change.”
That’s why she also prefers intention-setting over goal-setting.
“Intentions suggest a direction you’d like to move toward, instead of something you’re required to do in order to feel successful,” Pharaon explains.
Rather than making massive shifts all at once, she encourages gradual changes that are allowed to ebb and flow.
Even better? Thinking in seasons instead of years. A word or focus for this season takes the pressure off January 1 and gives you room to evolve as the year does.
A softer way to start again
Emotional health adviser Roxie Nafousi isn’t a fan of the pressure-packed energy that comes with resolutions either.
“When we don’t stick to them for a day, we end up pressing the ‘f***-it button’ because we tell ourselves we’ve failed,” she says.
She encourages reframing goals through self-love instead of self-punishment.
“Intentions come from a place of self-love,” Nafousi explains. “That means allowing ourselves to be human. Some days we’ll feel inspired, and other days we might need to rest, and that’s okay.”
So if you’ve already fallen off track, here’s the reframe: you didn’t fail. You learned something. Maybe the habit was too big. Or maybe your nervous system needed rest before adding on more to your current routine.
Instead of starting over with more pressure, try starting again with more awareness. Soften the goal and reduce stimulation before adding structure.
