FLOURISHING AFTER 50: Should I walk away from my loveless marriage – or stay for financial security?

Dear Vanessa,

I’m 55 and I feel like my marriage ended years ago. We still live in the same house, but it’s more like we’re flatmates than a couple. There’s no connection, no warmth, and no real interest in each other’s lives. Our kids are grown up and living independently, so it’s really just the two of us now.

The truth is, I want to leave. I’ve wanted to for a long time, but I’m scared of what leaving actually looks like.

I work part-time, and if I left, I’d have to go back to full-time work just to support myself. At 55, that feels overwhelming. We are almost mortgage-free, but if we separated, we would have to sell the house and split the proceeds. The thought of renting at my age terrifies me, and I’m not sure I’d ever be able to buy something on my own.

I feel like I’ve spent most of my life putting everyone else first, and now that it’s finally my turn, I don’t know if I can afford freedom. Part of me wonders if I should just stay as things are because at least it’s financially safe.

But is this really all there is for me?

Warm regards,

Lina

Lina, what you’ve written shows just how heavy this decision feels for you. You’re not only dealing with an emotionally finished marriage, but also the fear of what life would look like financially if you started again. That’s a lot for anyone to hold.

Right now, you’re trying to make a major life choice without knowing the practical realities. When the numbers are unclear, the mind jumps to worst-case scenarios. So the first step isn’t deciding whether to stay or go – it’s getting clarity.

You’ve already identified the big concerns: having to return to full-time work, selling the house and splitting the proceeds, and the fear of renting or trying to buy later in life. These worries are valid. But they become far less overwhelming once you understand exactly what your financial position would be.

Talking to a financial adviser is important here. You need to know what your share of the assets might look like, what your earning options realistically are, and what life would cost on your own. This isn’t about pushing you toward any outcome – it’s about giving you certainty so that whatever you choose comes from knowledge, not fear. You can use my free Find an Adviser link here. 

Many women discover that once they see their true financial picture, they have more options than they imagined. Others decide to take a year to prepare and build confidence. And some stay, but with a plan that gives them independence and a sense of possibility.

You’re not trapped – you just don’t have the full information yet. Once you do, you’ll be able to make decisions that support your wellbeing, your independence, and the kind of life you want to create in the next chapter.

All the best,

Vanessa