FLOURISHING AFTER 50: We’re 58 and my daughter is desperate to buy her first home with her partner. Should we help her?

Dear Vanessa,

My husband and I are both 58 and working full-time. We own our home outright and have some savings, but retirement still feels a way off.

Our daughter is 29 and desperate to buy her first home with her partner. They’ve saved about $60,000 between them, but it’s nowhere near enough for a deposit where we live. They’ve asked if we can help – either by gifting money or going guarantor on the loan.

Part of us really wants to help. We know how hard it is for young people to get into the market. But we also worry about putting our own future at risk. We have another child too – and we’d want to be fair if they needed help later on.

Can we really afford to do this – or are we just hoping it will all work out?

Cathy & John.

Dear Cathy and John,

So many families are asking themselves the same question right now – how to help their kids buy a home without risking their own retirement security. You’ve worked hard to own your home outright and keep building for the future – that’s an incredible foundation. But that’s exactly why your hesitation is wise.

Going guarantor is not a small favour – it’s a legally binding financial risk. If your daughter or her partner can’t keep up with repayments, that responsibility could land on you. Your own home – the one you’ve paid off – could be at stake. 

Gifting money has its own risks too, not just for your bank balance, but for family dynamics if you can’t do the same for your other child later.

It’s not selfish to protect your own future – it’s smart. As I often say, don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Because if you run into financial trouble later, helping anyone will be impossible.

To explore how couples like you can balance generosity with security, I spoke with Harry Moustakas, an experienced financial adviser at Navigate Advisory. 

‘When couples come to us wanting to help their kids, the first thing we do is test whether they can genuinely afford it. That means looking at income, debts, retirement savings, and how long they plan to keep working. It’s not about saying no – it’s about structuring any help so it doesn’t jeopardise your own plans,’ Harry said.

‘A big risk is fairness between siblings. If you help one child now but can’t help the other later, resentment can build. It’s so important to plan upfront – and to have clear conversations so everyone knows what to expect.’

There may be ways you can help – maybe a partial gift, maybe a smaller guarantee with safeguards in place – but only if your own numbers stack up first. Talk to a good adviser, get clear on your position, and then decide.

Your daughter has time – you’ve earned your security. And it’s okay for both to matter.

If you’d like to hear more from Harry on how to get this balance right, you can watch our full conversation in the video above.

Choose you first,

Vanessa.