How little sex leads to divorce? Five women reveal EXACTLY how much they made love in the year before they split. The eye-opening results may have you ringing your lawyer…

You might assume you would be able to tell if your marriage was in trouble from the state of your sex life.

After all, studies show that couples who have sex regularly are more likely to report greater ­relationship satisfaction.

But does a healthy sex life always ­indicate a healthy marriage? And, ­crucially, what constitutes ‘healthy’? Couples counsellor Annabelle Knight warns that the correlation between your bedroom activities and the state of your marriage is more complicated than ­people think – and that frequent sex doesn’t necessarily protect you from a break-up.

‘The idea that a healthy sex life is only about sex is massively misguided,’ she explains. ‘Sex is a reflection of how ­connected you feel to your partner, how respected and safe you feel. People often confuse “healthy” for ­“quantity”. But in counselling we talk about your “couple’s signature style”, which covers everything from how you resolve conflict to how often and what type of sex you have.

‘It’s quality over quantity; you can’t say, “We’re having sex five times a week therefore we have a happy relationship”.

‘It’s normal for things to change over the years – the most important thing is that you’re both content.

‘If intimacy drops off what you and your partner consider to be a ­normal rhythm, that to me is mirroring some kind of emotional distance.

‘It might not happen overnight. That’s why it’s a good idea to have a regular “stock check” of your sex life.

‘Declining sexual interest in women is particularly linked to resentment; if you’re exhausted, or feel like you have an unequal ­division of labour, you won’t feel valued, therefore you won’t want sex.

‘If you’re going through a sex drought, it’s important to check in with your partner.’

We asked five divorced women to share exactly how often they had sex in the year prior to the decision to divorce – be the choice theirs or their husband’s – and why.

Their utterly candid testimonies will provide some telling insights about the state of your marriage . . .

ALISON, 51: ‘AFTER DISCOVERING HIS AFFAIR, I WAS THE MAIN INSTIGATOR FOR SEX’

How many times in the year prior to split: 30

Last time prior to split: Two weeks

Right up to the fateful day I ­discovered my husband’s affair we were having regular sex.

We got together in our teens and so were inexperienced in bed, but we learnt together.

He was respectful, generous and fancied me, as I did him. And it was satisfying; always orgasmic for him, 90 per cent of the time for me.

After the births of our two children we went a couple of months without sex, before resuming our previous pattern of around once a week.

Sometimes, OK often, I was so tired I had to persuade myself to do it, but I was always glad I had, as it made us closer.

In the year leading up to his affair, 14 years into our marriage, I saw no warning signs at all that he was so unhappy he was about to blow up our lives.

We still kissed, still talked about our future and still had sex with the same regularity.

I don’t know how long he’d been having an affair before I ­discovered it by seeing messages on his phone – a few months at least.

Then, I didn’t notice his desire for me lessening, but in hindsight it was. We did still have sex though; I would have noticed if it stopped dead. It kills me to think he may have done it just to keep things ­feeling normal.

I do remember one mini-break, when his affair was in its infancy, when he was less amorous than usual and took some persuading. And then another night, when the affair was in full swing, that we had strange, unfulfilling sex.

He was almost mechanical about it and didn’t reach an orgasm. Neither did I.

This was unusual. And disquieting. It still makes me so sad to think about it.

After I discovered his affair, we had sex every day. For the first time ever I was the main instigator.

I desperately craved the ­connection and the validation. Plus, and it almost embarrasses me to say this, there was something about him being so desired by another woman that made him more attractive.

I wanted desperately for us to stay together; for the children’s sake, for mine.

I didn’t want to smash open our lives. And I still loved him. Or I loved the person I thought he was.

Three months after the discovery of his affair, he drove our decision to divorce. He said we were ‘too ­different’.

That may have been true, but I’m sure having someone waiting in the wings was a bigger driver. I wish he had been honest with me from the start.

SHARON, 33: ‘IF HE’D HANDLED OUR BEDROOM ISSUES DIFFERENTLY, I MIGHT HAVE STAYED’

How many times in the year prior to split: 18

Last time prior to split: Three months

For the three months before I told my ex-husband Harry I wanted a divorce I found ways to avoid intimacy.

It wasn’t hard because, as a mother of two young children, I was ­shattered. Our youngest was eight months, wasn’t sleeping through the night and I’d end up in her room more often than not.

The fact that Harry would get very moody when I knocked back his advances only strengthened my resolve to leave him. Maybe if he had handled things differently we could have salvaged our marriage.

When we first got together, we had enjoyed sex two to three times a week.

That pattern continued after we got married but everything changed when we had children, especially as I discovered I was pregnant again when our eldest was only 18 months old.

Juggling two children under three, as well as working full-time and ­running the house, meant I was exhausted.

While Harry still initiated sex ­several times a week, I just wanted to sleep when I was in bed.

I became extremely resentful when he arrived home from work and expected sex, especially as there was no attempt at seduction, either.

If I was in the middle of cooking dinner, he’d just say, ‘Shall we have sex later?’

I needed to feel desired and ­special but, instead, I felt taken for granted.

I’m sure a sex drought is something a lot of new parents go through, but Harry’s lack of understanding made me realise how immature he was and corroded my love for him.

He didn’t grasp that things were different now it wasn’t just the two of us. Our home became a war zone; we were either sniping at one another or not speaking.

We were still having sex two to three times a month, but the ­connection had gone. I just saw sex as a task to cross off my to-do list and to stop him asking.

Eventually, I had enough of feeling pressured – or made to feel guilty if I turned him down.

Harry’s response to me asking for a divorce was to say ‘I knew you would do this!’

He acted like a spoilt child throughout the process, moving into his mum’s and leaving me to care for the kids. Now, it’s hard to believe our relationship was once so good.

SALLY, 65: ‘HE PUNISHED ME FOR HAVING A SUCCESSFUL CAREER BY WITHHOLDING SEX’

How many times in the year prior to split: 0

Last time prior to split: Four years

People are always shocked when they hear that my husband and I didn’t have sex for four years before we got divorced.

You would think I’d have ­realised much sooner that our relationship was dead. But because we had always ­prioritised other things over sex, it took me a long time to realise that this wasn’t healthy.

Graham and I met in our 20s while working in investment banking and, while there was huge chemistry between us, we were also both very ambitious, wanting to make as much money as we could.

In the early days we’d maybe have sex nightly. We were young and worked hard and played hard. But, having married at 28, our lives stepped up a gear when we started working in the same office of a global company.

We were both promoted to ­senior positions and that meant working 80 hours each a week and lots of stress.

Sex was something we did when we managed to go to bed at the same time – but that only ­happened once or twice a month. I was always the one who ­initiated it, though we both enjoyed it when it did happen.

We muddled along like this even after having two sons in my early 30s. But everything changed when, at 35 and I was headhunted by another firm.

I’d naively assumed Graham would be fine with me changing job, so hadn’t discussed it with him before accepting. But he ­considered that I’d betrayed him by moving to a ‘rival’ and ­punished me by sexually rejecting me, even moving into the spare room. It really knocked my confidence.

We stopped having sex ­completely and for four years we lived under the same roof but led pretty much separate lives.

While I really missed being ­intimate, I didn’t call time on our marriage, mainly down to wanting stability for our sons. So I poured my focus into raising them. Graham never showed any indication of wanting to split up either; I think he was too set in his ways. The catalyst for ending the marriage was me having an impulsive one-night stand when I was 40 while out with friends. I just genuinely needed to feel desired again.

Six months later, I told Graham what I had done and that I wanted a divorce. He was furious and made the whole process as ­difficult as possible.

I am now extremely upfront with potential partners about the importance of sex. If it isn’t ­happening, then I know the ­relationship is doomed.

ESME, 59: ‘HE SLEPT WITH ME THAT MORNING. THEN HE BLINDSIDED ME’

How many times in the year prior to split: 487

Last time prior to split: The morning he left

One of the things that drew Ray and I together after we met on a dating website was the fact we both shared a high sex drive.

As a divorcee of ten years, I’d had the odd liaison when my daughter – then in her teens – was with her father but I missed ­regular sex.

So it was wonderful to discover that, as well as connecting ­outside the bedroom, Ray and I were sexually compatible. Within six months Ray had moved in, and he proposed on our one-year anniversary.

We would have sex every ­morning and sometimes in the evening, too. For me, sex is how I express my love, and I assumed he felt the same.

After all, we celebrated our first wedding anniversary with a romantic break in Paris.

So it was a complete shock when, just a week later, I got home from work and saw a note from Ray on the kitchen counter telling me he had left me. Cruelly, he wrote: ‘I’ve never loved you. It was just lust.’

At first I thought it was a prank because there had been ­absolutely no indication that he was going to walk out.

Our sex life certainly hadn’t changed. We had even had sex the morning before he left me. When I realised it was no joke, I tried to get an answer as to why, but he blocked my number and wouldn’t accept my calls at work either.

A fortnight later a friend told me she had spotted him out in a country pub, an hour from our home, pawing all over the woman who was clearly my replacement.

I had a breakdown a month after that and ended up on antidepressants for a year. Even after I recovered, my confidence was in tatters, and I was nervous about ever becoming serious with ­someone again. After all, I had completely misunderstood how Ray felt about me.

For two years I avoided getting into another relationship but when I did it was, thankfully, with someone sensible and kind.

We have a healthy sex life but, sadly, I now know that is no ­guarantee that he loves me enough to stay with me.

DAISY, 55: ‘I KNEW I WANTED TO LEAVE HIM, SO I FEIGNED ILLNESS TO AVOID SEX’

How many times in the year prior to split: 26

Last time prior to split: Six months

There was a time when I loved being with my ex-husband Dan.

Having met at university, we’d have sex almost every night.

We married after ten years, aged 30, and even then we’d have sex at least two to three times a week. Intimacy had always been the glue that held our ­relationship together.

But two years into our marriage, things had got a bit mundane.

If I had to pinpoint why the rose-tinted glasses fell off it was because he was someone who didn’t want a ‘big’ life.

He loved his routine – washing the car on Saturday mornings, football in the afternoon and ­having a curry in the evening. He loved me too – but it wasn’t enough. I wanted more out of my life.

My cooling feelings for Dan coincided with increased ­opportunities at work.

I started to go on monthly ­business trips to the US, and work felt much more exciting than being with Dan.

Over time, our sex life dropped down to once a week on a Saturday morning and even then I was on autopilot. I’d just stopped being interested and came up with more and more excuses to avoid intimacy, from my period to exaggerating my sciatica.

I’d mentally checked out of our marriage and it didn’t feel right to sleep with someone I knew I was going to leave. Eventually, six months prior to me asking for a divorce, I stopped all together.

Dan tried to talk about it but I would deliberately misunderstand him when he asked if everything between us was ‘cool’. Instead, I would waffle on about work pressures.

He even booked us a surprise week away to Ibiza to sort out our sex life. It was thoughtful of him but just too late. I’m not proud of it but I even faked a tummy upset to avoid sex one evening.

When I was officially offered an overseas promotion, I happily accepted it, telling my boss my marriage was over – even though I hadn’t plucked up the courage to tell Dan yet.

I only told him a week before the move – three months after I had accepted the job – that he wouldn’t be joining me, ever. Until then, I had just fudged the situation to avoid an awkward conversation, which I know was unfair of me.

While he already had a good idea about my feelings, he did all he could to try to change my mind – but it was impossible. To this day I feel guilty about it.

• All names and identifying details have been changed.