I run a matchmaking service. These are subtle red flags people miss… and the green flags guaranteed to find you love

I’ve always been fascinated by love – what works, what doesn’t, and what we need to do to create a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship.

When I was growing up conversations about relationships were rarely discussed, if at all. So, as a young adult, I set out to teach myself as much as I could about what makes a relationship tick.

In my late twenties, I was working as a Vice President at investment firm Thiel Capital, but every spare moment I was immersed in reading about and researching the psychology of this fascinating subject.

That’s what led me to join the personalized matchmaking start-up Tawkify in 2019. First, I worked as the President, then I became CEO, and today I am on the board of directors of what is now America’s No. 1 matchmaking service.

It’s fair to say I learned a lot about love in the process.

At the same time, I was on my own romantic journey, and I’m happy to say that after using insights from my matchmaking work (and even working as a matchmaker), I built a truly fulfilling relationship, and am now engaged. Even growing up as a Californian girl, I moved from New York to Sweden, where my fiancé is from!

From my own experience, professional and personal, I know that dating in 2025 is more complex than ever – from ghosting and catfishing to situationships and dating app fatigue, and of course emotionally unavailable partners.

For too many of us in pursuit of love, this is becoming the problematic norm.

How can you avoid these emotional pitfalls? Let me share some valuable wisdom I’ve gained along the way. Every situation is unique, but here are some of the key red and green flags you should look out for to ensure a partner is right for you. 

GREEN FLAG: They commit – wholeheartedly!

Modern dating is full of people hedging their bets, keeping their options open, and refusing to define what is or isn’t a relationship. Instead of conforming to someone else’s version of commitment, trust your own standards and choose what truly feels right for you!

I met my now-fiancé in New York when he was there for work and spent as much time as we could together before he had to fly home to Sweden. We were so eager to see each other again that he flew back to New York less than a week later.

Lesson: If someone wants to make the effort with you, they will!

It’s normal to take your time to get to know someone new, but at some point, you have to define that this is, or has a chance of being, a relationship. At the very least you need to see a path towards making it so.

I had a friend who was seeing a guy for four or five months. Understandably, she wanted to take things to the next level. His response? ‘I have a lot of traveling to do over Summer, let’s revisit it in the Fall.’

That’s a big no-no.

When you really have strong feelings for someone, you don’t want to let them go and lose the opportunity to create something wonderful.

Sometimes people rely too much on what is said, rather than what people are actually doing. You need to ask yourself: for all their sweet words, are they actually calling you or texting you or making time to see you?

If the answer is ‘no’, move on.

GREEN FLAG: They Are Moving from ‘Me’ to ‘We’

When your love interest talks about future plans, do they use the word ‘I’ or ‘we’?

Many people date while still thinking only about themselves. A real potential partner will start considering you in their decision making – spontaneously, without force or pressure – because they genuinely see a future together.

For example, instead of saying, ‘I love hiking,’ they say: ‘We should go on a hike together sometime.’

Or they start factoring in your schedule when making plans: ‘Would Friday work for you, or is another day better?’ instead of just assuming you’ll be free.

GREEN FLAG: They notice the small things

Dating in 2025 is often filled with high-effort grand gestures that may not mean very much in the long-run.

A steady, reliable presence is more valuable than big words or extravagant gifts.

So, a huge green flag is if someone is paying attention to the little things in your life.

Do they remember that you have a big meeting that day and make you a coffee in the morning?

Do they check in if they know you’ve had a hard week?

Do they ask about an elderly parent or sick friend or encourage you to share something that’s bothering you?

Such actions take little effort but are a key foundation for a healthy relationship because real life and love are made up of millions of these moments.

GREEN FLAG: They can take feedback

If someone can receive feedback from you without shutting down or retaliating, it is a sign of emotional intelligence and who doesn’t want that in a partner!

They don’t have to be perfect, of course, but they need to be willing to work on things (just as you are).

In any new relationship, you have to be open to learning all about someone else, and to working on yourself to communicate well with them to form a healthy dynamic.

There’s a saying that behind every criticism is an unmet need. Your partner has to be able to listen to – and hear – what you’re telling them, and be prepared to work together to solve the problem.

Getting cross or defensive is a warning sign – they need to see feedback as an opportunity to have a better relationship.

RED FLAG: Hot and Cold

With so many options available, inconsistency is truly the plague that blights today’s dating scene. It leads to confusion, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion.

Yes, our lives are busy, but someone should never blow so hot and cold that it leaves you in a permanent state of anxiety.

A good partner should make you feel relaxed and safe.

I wear a ring that monitors my key vitals for fitness and sleep, and when I started dating my fiancé, the ring app kept asking me if I was meditating or doing yoga because I was so relaxed when I was around him.

Classic examples of this red flag are if someone will exchange texts for hours one day, then disappear for days without explanation. Or, they make plans and then cancel at the last minute – on repeat.

RED FLAG: Love-bombing

Real connection builds steadily. Fast-tracked emotional intimacy often burns out just as quickly and can be a sign of manipulation.

Big gestures can be romantic but they have to be consistent, otherwise it is a red flag.

If someone is making a lot of grand statements, keep an eye on whether they actually follow through, or if they continue in the long term.

Of course, you don’t want to be so paranoid and suspicious that you can’t let yourself enjoy the relationship. But at the same time, you don’t want to get overly invested and taken in by the wrong person.

RED FLAG: They make everything a debate

Healthy relationships require openness and discussion – but not to the extent that you are in permanent defense mode.

Having your feelings constantly challenged creates an exhausting power dynamic.

When every conversation feels like a mental chess match instead of a natural exchange, something is wrong.

This ties into an individual being able to take accountability for their actions and mistakes. It’s a red flag for example, if they blame all their exes for past relationships ending, or if they never apologize without excuses attached.

Equally, alarm bells should ring if they get defensive or dismissive every time that you raise a concern. Watch out if, for example, they say ‘you’re overreacting,’ or ‘that’s not a big deal’, or they turn it back on you and say ‘you’re always criticizing me’.

What you SHOULD be looking for…

In the 2025 dating game, the biggest predictors of a healthy relationship are consistency, emotional maturity and true commitment. Pay special attention to that person who makes dating feel easy, safe, and natural – because real love shouldn’t feel like a guessing game.