If you make this mistake within three minutes of meeting somebody they will be INSTANTLY unattracted to you
If you’ve ever felt instant chemistry on a date, only to watch it disappear before the night’s even begun, you’re not imagining it.
According to Perth-based matchmaker Louanne Ward, the spark often dies within the first three minutes, and most of us have no idea we’re the ones stamping it out.
But instead of you just getting the usual ‘ick’ after the first drink, Louanne said losing the spark often comes down to your individual attachment style.
For people with anxious attachment, she explained the signs are obvious to everyone but them.
‘Anxious attachment is visible instantly, from the over-laughing, instant agreement, too much leaning in, and every micro-behavior screaming “pick me”,’ she said.
Those small habits, she added, can kill attraction on the spot, with the attraction evaporating before the conversation even ends.
‘These three minutes are keeping people single,’ she warned.
Meanwhile, those with avoidant attachment are quietly sailing through the same encounters, often leaving the anxious types baffled as to why dating feels so one-sided.
According to Perth-based matchmaker Louanne Ward, the spark often dies within the first three minutes, and most of us have no idea we’re the ones stamping it out
Louanne also said that for avoidants, their behaviours feel completely undetectable until months in, giving them ‘an unfair advantage’.
‘They’re not trying to impress anyone, and they seem like they have options. Like they’re the prize.’
The uncomfortable truth about attraction is that people often decide they’re not interested ‘when they perceive neediness or insecurity’, Louanne said, which gives avoidants the upper hand.
‘They make it past every first date, second date, and third date.
‘By the time their unavailability shows up, the other person is already invested.’
It’s a dating dynamic that leaves many anxious types wondering why they keep attracting emotionally unavailable people, and the numbers don’t make it any easier.
Louanne pointed out that only 38 percent of people have secure attachment traits, which are deemed the most desirable.
‘Many are in stable relationships because the securely attached singles naturally choose other secure people.’
Louanne says losing the spark often comes down to your individual attachment style, but some are less obvious that others
And unfortunately for some, that leaves a much smaller, messier dating pool to choose from.
Louanne added that what’s left is around 20 percent anxious, 25 percent avoidant, and five percent fearfully avoidant.
‘That’s where so many people get stuck.’
With the anxious broadcasting their desire to be chosen, and the avoidants, concealing their inability to connect until it’s too late.
Her advice for anyone looking to break the cycle is to stop performing and start observing.
‘Confidence isn’t about acting detached but about being grounded enough not to chase validation.’
The term ‘thin-slicing’ refers to the brain’s ability to make quick judgments with very limited information, something psychologists have studied for years
In an earlier clip posted to her Instagram, Louanne coined the a concept called ‘thin slicing’, explaining that our gut feelings and random assumptions, are actually backed by neuroscience.
‘When it comes to dating, a woman doesn’t need hours to decide. [But] whatever happens in that narrow window is when her brain makes the call.’
While many might assume women base their dating decisions on conversation, common interests, or even physical attraction, Louanne says the brain is already making critical evaluations before any of that comes into play.
‘She’s not deciding consciously,’ she continued. ‘She’s not even thinking logically. But neurologically?
‘Her brain is scanning for very specific things: leadership, safety, confidence, and emotional stability.’
These four qualities, apparently, are hardwired into the female brain as essential cues for long-term compatibility – particularly when it comes to evolutionary biology and reproduction.
According to the ‘science’ Louanne refers to, these subtle details trigger emotional responses in a woman’s body where she might feel attraction, curiosity, indifference, or a quiet, unshakable no
Louanne has worked with thousands of singles over her two-decade career and says women’s brains are built to process micro-signals at lightning speed when meeting a potential partner.
This is where ‘thin slicing’ comes in.
The term refers to the brain’s ability to make quick judgments with very limited information, something psychologists have studied for years.
In the dating world, Louanne said this shows up the moment a man walks in the door or introduces himself.
‘She’s picking up on your non-verbal cues. That includes your posture, your movement, your facial expression, your pace, your tone of voice, even your style.’
Even something as simple as saying your name can trigger an instant response.
‘The pitch, tone and weight of your voice gets processed as a signal,’ she explained.
Women naturally assess if a man’s voice is calm or anxious, clear or uncertain, and grounded or reactive.
According to the ‘science’ Louanne refers to, these subtle details trigger emotional responses in a woman’s body where she might feel attraction, curiosity, indifference, or a quiet, unshakable no.
Unfortunately for men, once her brain has decided, there’s often no going back.
