Romantic relationships have layers (and the complexity that goes with them). Managing expectations, building closeness, creating safety for sexual expression and physical touch, maintaining friendship and trust—none of this is passive. It takes daily, intentional effort.
So where does social media fit into the equation? Is it a cog or a kink in the machine?
Some argue that social media is just another form of communication, and sure, we won’t totally disagree. It’s a fun place to share info, swap memes, and send messages. But if we’re being honest, that’s pretty much where the usefulness ends.
Phubbing, aka “phone snubbing,” happens when one partner is physically present but mentally checked out, more focused on their phone than the person in front of them.
Although seemingly harmless, chronic phone use makes this a very real threat to intimacy. It interrupts meaningful conversation, blocks emotional connection, and ultimately makes physical intimacy harder to access. Experts say it fosters resentment and lowers overall relationship quality—not exactly the vibe.
One study on how social media affects adolescents suggests that it negatively impacts sexual and social awareness, noting that this “can result in real-world consequences with life-long results.”
Translation: Heavy social media exposure during brain development may predict difficulty in forming and maintaining healthy intimacy later in life. Yikes.
For those of us who didn’t grow up online and aren’t developmentally at risk, social media presents a different, yet still very real, danger to intimacy.
These are 3 hotspots to watch out for when navigating social media and relationship intimacy:
1. Comparison
A constant flood of curated content can quietly warp our perception of reality, creating unrealistic expectations around relationships, bodies, and lifestyles.
2. Jealousy
Unlimited access to a partner’s online world can turn curiosity into surveillance. Checking profiles, tagged photos, and follower lists can become compulsive, eroding trust and fueling anxiety.
3. Micro-cheating
You may not be meeting anyone IRL, but posting thirst traps, chasing validation, or engaging in flirty DMs can create emotional intimacy outside the relationship. Liking someone’s sexy photo or dropping a flame emoji might seem innocent, but it often sends a not-so-closed-ended signal, inviting confusion, insecurity, and distrust.
On the flip side, nearly 70% of the global population uses social media, and healthy, thriving relationships still exist. With clear boundaries, it is possible to stay connected online without disconnecting at home.
Here are some tips for being online and protecting your intimacy:
Be present.
Put phones out of sight during dates, meals, and especially in the bedroom whenever possible. Focus on activities that foster closeness, like cuddling, watching a show together, and reading side by side. Even seeing a phone in your partner’s hand can spark resentment. Out of sight, out of mind.
Be intentional.
Use social media to share moments and celebrate milestones in life or work. But don’t spiral into comparison, emotionally charged conversations, or seeking outside validation that doesn’t belong in your relationship.
Watch that screentime.
Keep tabs on how much of your irreplaceable time is spent scrolling. Prioritize real-world conversations, connections, and experiences that deepen bonds and keep your brain (and relationship) engaged.
At the end of the day, the very tool designed to connect us has quietly become one of the biggest dividers when it comes to our closest relationships. Instead of letting it run the show, a little restraint and a lot of self-awareness go a long way.
