The biggest lie older men and women tell if they’re dating – and the six words to NEVER say: ‘It’s a trap’
A relationship expert has named the ‘biggest lie’ those over 50 tell themselves when dating – and the hard truth has struck a chord with thousands.
Louanne Ward, from Perth, has spent more than two decades helping Aussies find love and learning what men and women look for at various stages of life.
And she found that once they reach their 50s, most fail to acknowledge what they ‘need’ in a partner and instead chase what they think they ‘deserve’.
‘If you’re dating after 50, you’re not starting from zero. You already built a life. You have your home, your routines, your history,’ Louanne said.
‘And yet… when you go back into dating after divorce or a long relationship, you start writing a brand-new list.’
Louanne described this as ‘stacking everything you didn’t get last time, on top of everything you’ve always wanted’ – a list ‘so bloated’ that potential dates are dismissed over minor flaws.
‘You lie to yourself,’ she said.
‘You convince yourself you should get everything you want, because you’ve earned it, because you “deserve it”. But in chasing that lie, you ignore what you actually need to make love last.’
Louanne Ward , from Perth, has spent more than two decades helping Aussies find love and learning what men and women look for at various stages of life
The six words women over 50 DREAD hearing from a date
‘Let’s just see how this goes’
To you, they might feel respectful.
You think you’re softening expectations avoiding false promises and giving space for the connection to grow.
But what she really hears is:
❌ ‘I am not sure about you’
❌ ‘I am not sure about me’
❌ ‘I am not ready to make a decision’
It feels like being on probation.
These words make her feel her like he has to be on his best behaviour because you are still undecided or worse, undecided about yourself.
She doesn’t need you to map out the rest of your lives. What she needs is to know she isn’t wasting her time. That you aren’t playing Peter Pan at 50+, floating through life hoping for a magical outcome without direction.
What to say instead:
‘I like spending time with you, and I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes’.
That small shift changes everything. It shows presence. It shows intention. It shows respect. Intention and effort build desire and safety.
Louanne believes that expecting an ‘instant’ connection at this age is a trap.
‘The second time around isn’t about finding a person who completes a fantasy. It’s about choosing a person who supports your reality,’ she said.
‘Stop dating by the want list and start choosing by the need list.
‘What you need after 50: appreciation, respect, consistency, trust, flexibility, compromise, understanding, fun, companionship, collaboration, nurture, shared values, comfort, ease and commitment.’
Attraction pulls you in; the above qualities ‘keep you there’.
‘So ask yourself tonight, “Am I chasing a feeling or choosing a foundation?”,’ Louanne said.
‘If you’re tired of short bursts that fade, rewrite your list.
‘Keep your standards and change your focus, because love at this stage isn’t built in a rush. It’s built in how they show up, again and again, when real life happens.’
