The REAL reason you bite your nails, procrastinate and self-sabotage, according to a clinical psychologist
A clinical psychologist has explained why so many people succumb to self-sabotaging behaviours such as procrastination, skin-picking and ghosting people.
Dr Charlie Heriot-Maitland writes in his new book, Controlled Explosions in Mental Health, that they’re a form of survival instinct, because the brain uses small harms to try and protect against further, larger, ones.
For example, someone may procrastinate to avoid performing a task to try and prevent higher-stakes harm – in this case criticism, failure or rejection – from happening.
He says: ‘Our brain is a survival machine. It is programmed not to optimise our happiness and wellbeing, but to keep us alive.
‘It needs us to exist in a predictable world. It does not like surprises. It does not want us to be caught off guard.
‘Being exposed to threats and dangers is bad enough, but the most vulnerable state for us humans is being exposed to unpredictable threat.
‘Our brain cannot allow this, and will intervene to give us more controlled, predictable versions of threat.’
The brain would rather deal with the certainty of a controlled threat, caused by itself, than an out-of-control, unknown threat, explained Dr Heriot-Maitland.
The reason behind self-sabotaging behaviours is because of survival instincts, a psychologist has claimed
‘Our brain would rather we were the arbiter of our downfall than risk being floored by something external.
‘It would rather we were well-rehearsed in receiving internally-created hostility than risk being unprepared for it from others.’
He says the science behind this theory is based on how the human brain has evolved for survival rather than happiness.
This means our brains have evolved to become extra attuned to any potential hurts on the horizon which can be physical or emotional, he says.
‘Our brains have evolved to favour perceiving threat, even when there isn’t one, in order to elicit a protective response in us,’ he said.
‘We have all inherited a highly sensitive threat-detection and threat-response system.’
Common self-sabotaging behaviours include procrastination, perfectionism and pessimism, he says.
Perfectionism operates in a similar way to procrastination, but through a different mechanism, Dr Heriot-Maitland explains.
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Similarly, a perfectionist is trying to avoid risk, but by paying too much attention to detail, putting themselves at risk of burnout, Dr Heriot-Maitland explained
It sees people hyperfocus and overly pay attention to detail to try and prevent errors, while procrastination diverts attention away from tasks.
The intention, similar to procrastination, is to avoid failure, but a perfectionist can become at risk of stress and burnout.
Another form of self-sabotage, he explains, is self-criticism which can involve trying to self-improve or self-blame.
This one is arises he says can present as trying to self-improve or self-blame and arises when the brain tries to get a sense of agency and control.
He says these behaviours all involve neurological hijacking, which is when the brain’s threat-response system uses higher functions like imagination and reasoning.
This is why when we experience fear, our imagination can lead us to think of worst case scenarios that we fear.
The trouble, he says, is that they can become self-fulfilling prophecies, happening when they wouldn’t have done so in the first place.
‘If we think we are not very good at something, we may not try our best and then end up performing worse than we would have had we made a different prediction,’ he said.
‘Or if we think someone doesn’t like us, and we avoid them, then our fear of rejection may have stood in the way of creating a relationship.’
It’s important to understand these mechanisms behind self-sabotaging behaviours, which he dubbed ‘controlled explosion’ rather than trying to eliminate them, he says.
‘The bomb squad are not our enemies. They are protecting something bigger; something hurt; something weird or painful,’ he said.
‘In many cases, it may be linked to a difficult life experience – a threat, a trauma or a tragedy.’
However, it’s still important to address them as he said: ‘The controlled explosions do harm us.
Resolving it, he says involves first ‘creating safeness around that feared situation feeling’.
Equally, he adds it can require ‘grieving the loss of a core need in that situation that was unmet, denied or dismissed’.
‘We don’t want to fight these behaviours, but nor do we want to appease them and let them carry on controlling, dictating, and sabotaging our lives,’ he said.
‘There are choices we have here.’
