The subtle signs your child might grow up to be a psychopath: Psychotherapist SAMANTHA MARCHAM reveals why you should never dismiss these tiny six red flags

When parents worry about a child’s behaviour – be it frequent meltdowns or trouble at school – they often call in someone like me.

As a child therapist, I work with children from 11 up, and see many whose aggression or emotional volatility can be traced back to identifiable causes, such as bullying, neuro­divergence or upheaval at home.

These children are reacting to what is happening to them and, with good emotional support, will usually improve.

But what worries me is a much smaller, more troubling group of youngsters who might not raise any alarm bells at all.

Children who don’t look distressed, chaotic or out of control, but whose behaviour is nonetheless worrying. And, crucially, whose actions are not due to a difficult – but temporary – period in their life, but are instead an indication of something far more sinister

Psychopathy is an adult ­personality construct, and no responsible clinician would ever label a child a psychopath. Personality disorders are not diagnosed in childhood.

But research in developmental psychology is clear on one crucial point: the traits associated with psychopathy in adults don’t suddenly appear at 18. In some cases, early behavioural, social and emotional patterns can be identified many years earlier in childhood.

Yet often such children don’t have meltdowns or lash out in obvious ways that would trigger parents or teachers to seek help. And so they slip under the radar.

In my experience, children showing these patterns often present as calm, controlled and emotionally detached. Many come across as ­articulate and charming.

They are skilled at manipulating both adults and other children while drawing little attention to themselves.

They can lie convincingly and show little guilt or remorse when challenged.

In clinical settings, this pattern tends to be described as conduct disorder with callous-unemotional traits. This is a way of describing how a child processes emotion, responds to other people’s distress, and relates to rules, boundaries and consequences.

Spotting these signs early in your own child doesn’t mean they’re destined to become an adult psychopath. But it does suggest they could be at higher risk than their peers.

And if these patterns go unrecognised and unchallenged, this sort of behaviour is likely to become more fixed over time, rather than softening with maturity. This is why early, specialist intervention could make all the difference.

Here are some of the behaviours parents should be aware of…

Cold behaviour and little empathy

Does your child show little empathy for others, or try to control siblings and peers?

Do they detest sharing things or attention, insist on getting their own way and become aggressive – rather than upset – when frustrated?

I’m not talking about a ­reluctance to let another child use their Xbox. I mean ­behaviour that feels callous and emotionally flat. If a child appears to take pleasure or amusement from another child’s pain or distress, shows no discomfort when someone else is upset, or seems irritated rather than remorseful when confronted, that’s a red flag.

What you’re seeing is a child who knows how to push ­buttons, but not when to stop.

Lying and manipulation

All children lie at times. What is concerning is repeated, ruthless lying designed to avoid accountability.

These children constantly blame others for their behaviour and tell convincing stories to protect themselves.

They may deliberately ­sabotage or exploit a sibling or friend, manipulating situations so someone else takes the blame and they appear innocent. For example, a child who wants to send a bullying message will do so from someone else’s phone.

No child is perfect. So pay attention if yours can ­convincingly explain everything away, repeatedly leaving others blamed and you second-­guessing yourself.

Selfishness and superficial charm

A parent might try to convince themselves that a child who will do whatever it takes to get their own way is set to be one of life’s winners. But if they play friends off against each other, exclude others, or manipulate alliances to maintain control, this is a worrying pattern.

You might miss this outside the home, but a child like this is likely to repeatedly play you and your partner off against each other too.

They might also use ­superficial charm to get what they want, but in a way that feels emotionally detached – as though this is a side to their personality they can turn off and on at will.

Rules don’t apply

If your child believes rules are for other people and breaks them repeatedly, this is a serious concern.

However, parents can be quick to feel reassured by their child’s explanations, even when schools or other parents are repeatedly raising issues.

I often see children who insist that a teacher has misunderstood or unfairly targeted them. But while that might happen once or twice, if this feels like the status quo, something isn’t right.

If your child never takes responsibility and discipline has little effect, then professional intervention might be necessary.

Performative emotions

Does your child often show little concern for other ­people’s feelings, breaking promises or changing plans last minute, while appearing unbothered about the impact it has on ­others? You might notice that their emotional responses often seem shallow or ­performative – as though they know what the ‘right’ reaction looks like, but something feels disingenuous.

Parents of such children often describe a sense that something is missing; that apologies don’t land properly, affection feels hollow and emotional ­connection seems one-sided.

They add that their child seems reluctant to do things purely to make someone else happy. Instead, they want to know first what’s in it for them.

Cruelty to animals and small children

Even the naughtiest children, including adolescents involved in serious antisocial behaviour, will show softness when it comes to animals or younger children. When harm happens ­accidentally they become very upset by it.

This is why deliberately ­causing harm in this way, ­especially when done calmly or repeatedly, suggests a profound lack of emotional connection.

This should never be ­dismissed as curiosity or a ­difficult phase.

If you see deliberate cruelty towards animals – including smaller ones like insects – or other children, something is very wrong and a psychiatric referral via your GP should be sought urgently.

Samantha Marcham is the co-author of Porn Bomb: What every young person needs to know about pornography

As told to Rachel Halliwell