Vogue faces backlash after writer claims women are now ’embarrassed’ to have boyfriends and hide their existence on social media

Vogue has claimed that women are now ’embarrassed’ to have boyfriends.

According to the fashion bible, having a man in your life is seen as ‘cringe’ and ‘culturally loser-ish’, which is prompting women to hide evidence of their partners on social media. 

The article, by freelance writer Chanté Joseph, claimed that being with a man is now an ‘almost guilty thing to do’ and that women who are in couples will still complain about how terrible men are – ‘partly in solidarity with other women, but also because it is now fundamentally uncool to be a boyfriend-girl.’ 

Joseph’s piece explores the many different reasons why women want to keep their romances secret, as she admitted to muting her own contacts’ social media posts as soon as they mention a boyfriend. 

Indeed, influencer Stephanie Yeboah admitted that she’d lost hundreds of followers when she posted about her relationship. 

She added that she wouldn’t share a boyfriend in the future for fear of making single women jealous or seeming boastful.

Another interviewee said that she never shared her 12-year relationship and feels vindicated since they recently split up and she doesn’t have to live with a public digital record of their relationship. 

The piece also referenced The Delusional Diaries podcast, hosted by two New York-based influencers, Halley and Jaz, where an episode about why being in a couple is ‘lame’ attracted comments such as: ‘Why does having a boyfriend feel Republican?’. 

Joseph’s piece divided readers – with some claiming people with this outlook are  ‘bitter’ and ‘jealous’ while others celebrated that their singledom is now in fashion. 

‘Vogue’s new article on how embarrassing it is to have a boyfriend is hilarious because it’s so true,’ one wrote on social media. ‘There’s really no good reason to be with a man unless you’re prepared to tolerate their bad behaviours.’ 

‘Women getting defensive over the embarrassing boyfriend Vogue article have missed the point,’ another remarked.

‘We don’t give a f**k that your boyfriend is “different”. Women are seeing through the illusion of patriarchy and no matter how “perfect” it seems, partnership with a man often ends up being a scam.’

Meanwhile, influencer Lulu Davidson joked that she’s ‘ahead of the trends’ in a celebratory video.

Others have taken the theory further with their own takes, with one saying that it’s all about having the right kind of boyfriend. 

‘I have friends and their boyfriends are so obsessed with them, they handpick them flowers,’ creator Ropo shared in a video. 

‘They write them written notes, they are basically their taxi service, they drop them off and pick them up whenever. That is so not embarrassing, that is so cool and diva.

‘What is embarrassing is being with someone that takes you for granted.’ 

However, other argued that shaming people for being in relationships is just another way of putting women down. 

‘The discourse about whether having a boyfriend is embarrassing is really nasty,’ influencer Antoinette shared in a TikTok.

‘The article itself was very fair and it wasn’t coming across as overly shameful of women who have boyfriends. The response on the other hand has been a whole other beast. 

‘You can imagine my shock when I’m scrolling through my social media and I’m reading comment after comment about how women with boyfriends are embarrassing, how they’re beige, how they’re boring… how people don’t want to be friends with women who have boyfriends…’

She explained that the conversation should be ‘feminist’ in nature and focus on men’s behaviour, rather than criticising women for ‘the choices they make in their lives’ or ‘reducing other women’ to the men they associate with.

‘It’s giving mean girls,’ she added. ‘It’s giving judgmental.’ 

‘Nobody would ever say a woman becomes boring because of her friends or when she finds new friends, but if the best friend is also the boyfriend, it seems a woman becomes something horrible,’ another added. 

Chanté herself has responded to some of the backlash, saying that all she was doing was reporting on the feelings of women she spoke to.

In a TikTok, she also addressed comments which claimed she was just ‘jealous’ of those in relationships, adding: ‘I feel like the lives of single women have been analysed, analysed, analysed – everybody is talking about what to do with them, what’s wrong with them, how they can not be single…

‘A lot of the time, it is scathing, it is unkind, and we are always fodder for content… People are obsessed with us and we’ve had to sit there and be on the receiving end of analysis on our shortcomings.’

However, she said, the minute she looked at heterosexual relationships – as presented on the basis of things said by straight relationships – she was faced with harsh, dismissive criticism.

Speaking to the Daily Mail, relationship expert Claire Rénier, of dating app happn, remarked that the conversation is less about being single or taken, but rather about online etiquette.

‘As a dating expert, I would argue that the core issue is not having a boyfriend, but it’s that the act of showing off or even showing that you have a boyfriend is what has become cringe,’ she explained.

‘This also relates back to how women used to be judged on whether they had boyfriends, but in recent years we’ve seen a real shift in this – with relationships now being viewed as a lifestyle choice rather than an achievement or necessity.

‘With this in mind, posting about your boyfriend is now often viewed as being shallow or even uncool, particularly in an era where everything is broadcast.

‘The ’embarrassment’ women can feel is less about the man they choose, and is more about a fear of losing their individual identity.’

Claire said that having a partner can be wonderful and fulfilling, but may leave women feeling ‘pigeonholed as simply someone’s girlfriend when her life and career are thriving outside of his existence’.

‘Feeling embarrassed about having a partner can also stem from the perceived risk of their partner potentially ’embarrassing’ her through what can be viewed as poor behaviour, which she may feel could reflect poorly on her judgement and choices,’ she added.

‘It’s also worth noting that we’re currently in a social media era with a big focus on women supporting women, with men being viewed as embarrassing or uncool in many ways, regardless of whether or not they are dating someone – which may further contribute to a woman potentially feeling embarrassed of having a boyfriend.

‘However, the greatest takeaway from this trend is the separation of being in a relationship and personal achievement.

‘This emphasis on investing in herself has a knock on effect in the dating world – where if a woman is going to give up any of her time, it needs to be for a genuine, authentic connection that she feels is worthy of her attention.’

The key take away, she shared, is ‘owning your choices’. 

‘If you have a boyfriend that you genuinely love and care for, try to rise above any feelings of embarrassment around him, and don’t worry about whether having a boyfriend at all is cool or not,’ she said.

‘It’s crucial to feel confident in your choice, as genuine connection can transcend all trends or cultural moments – after a longer time together it’s likely that you won’t give a second thought to whether having a boyfriend is embarrassing or not and will instead focus on your future together.

‘The only thing that’s truly embarrassing is to live your life on what other people think, no matter whether you’re single or partnered up.’