The brutal truth about why women let themselves go in relationships – and why it takes leaving their husbands to find themselves again

People talk about ‘letting yourself go’ as if it’s just laziness, but it’s often something deeper – a kind of comfort, the quiet security that comes with being partnered up. 

Yet under that sense of ease, there’s a more complicated reality about losing touch with who you are, and what shifts when a relationship starts feeling more like a safe harbour than somewhere you keep growing.

This was certainly the case for Jewel Thaung. 

Shortly after starting university at 19, Jewel decided to move out of home and live with her boyfriend. 

Having to cook her own meals for the first time meant she chose carb-heavy dishes, which led to the development of ‘food noise’ – persistent, intrusive thoughts about what to eat next and uncontrollable cravings. 

This was the beginning of Jewel’s struggles with her weight, leading her to gain 30kg during the seven-year relationship.

‘I had a very tumultuous upbringing and my parents are divorced, so I wanted a stable, safe relationship,’ the now 29-year-old, from Brisbane, told Daily Mail. 

Despite getting married at 26, Jewel knew years prior she wasn’t with the right person – but didn’t want to admit it to herself at the time because she was afraid of being on her own. 

For most of her 20s, Jewel would wake up thinking about food.

‘I’m a real foodie and love cooking but my bad habits got out of control,’ Jewel said. 

‘Nigella Lawson is one of my favourite cooks too. I’d watch her shows and there were episodes where she would eat pasta in bed at 11pm. 

‘It got to a point where I was like, screw it, I’m going to do the same because I can! I just let it take over me. It’s like I was obsessed with food.’

Jewel became skilled at using eating and food as a way of dulling her emotions and not facing up to the truth about her unhappy relationship. 

‘It’s so easy to lose yourself or let yourself go in a relationship. When you’re not actively dating, your nervous system kind of plateaus because you’re in a comfortable, stable, safe, loving place,’ Jewel said. 

‘But later down the line, it can cause problems. At the end of the day, you only have one body and you need to take care of yourself.’ 

At her heaviest, Jewel reached 110kg. 

Her body shame left her too self-conscious for a bikini; she avoided the beach or covered up entirely when she did go. Jewel squeezed into ill-fitting clothes and heavily edited her Instagram photos to make her face appear slimmer.

While she prepared her meals at home and enjoyed cooking, her main issue was portion control.

‘I would cook carb-heavy meals like pasta, roasted dishes with lots of fat, and not much fibre, greens or vegetables,’ she said. ‘I don’t think I realised how much weight I had gained until a few years into the relationship. Even though I loved skincare, makeup and fashion, I was avoidant.’

If Jewel went out for dinner with friends, she could easily devour a whole pizza to herself even if she’s already eaten two carb heavy meals earlier in the day. 

Jewel had often tried to lose weight. She participated in intensive F45 gym challenges, went on strict fad diets such as low-carb and keto, and highly restrictive meal plans. 

She emphasises that ‘literally nothing worked,’ not because she lacked willpower, but because these approaches were unsustainable. 

A few months later, a friend recommended Juniper – an online medical weight loss service that offers prescriptions for drugs like Ozempic after a doctor consultation.

‘I hadn’t heard of it before and didn’t know it was a thing. I signed up online, spoke to a doctor and got approved. The whole process was super easy,’ Jewel said.

Within the first few months on using Ozempic, she lost 7kg and was amazed by the quick results. 

In September that same year, Jewel finally came to terms with the reality of how she was feeling and made the tough decision to end her marriage seven months in. 

‘He didn’t want it to end. It was one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make in my life. I knew for years he wasn’t right for me. The relationship was like a Band-Aid for a lot of things. But at the time I was so out of touch with who I was as a person,’ Jewel said. 

When her partner moved out it, it was the turning point she needed. 

In the first year on Ozempic she lost 20kg and didn’t experience any strange side effects. 

‘When I lost weight, the first thing I noticed was how my face shape changed. My features were more prominent and you could actually see my cheekbones. Beforehand, my face was much puffier,’ Jewel said.

Gradually, she noticed small wins: buying smaller jeans, wearing a bikini at the beach, and stepping out in miniskirts.

As Jewel began to feel more in control of her diet and exercise regime, she decided to wean off Ozempic to save money – and another year had managed to lose a further 23kg without the drug.  

Now, having lost 43kg in two years, she’s single, weighs 75kg, and feels more confident than ever.

‘I’ll never let myself go back to that state again,’ she said.  

Jewel credits Ozempic with helping to heal her toxic relationship with food. 

She says that over time cravings were silenced and intuitive eating and portion control became second nature rather than a conscious battle.

‘Weight loss medication will change your life and it’s not ‘cheating’. Unless you’ve been in the position, you cannot comment. This medication has been created to change lives,’ Jewel said. 

‘Plus, it’s not as if you need to be on medication for the rest of your life. It’s used to kick-start your weight loss. It doesn’t make you lazy or complacent. The biggest part is how it changed my brain with the food noise.

‘If you’re thinking about weight loss medication, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. It works and it is life changing.’