My wife’s starting talking dirty. I loved it at first… until she said something that made my skin crawl. Does it mean what I think it does? ASK JANA

Dear Jana, 

My wife and I recently decided we needed to spice up our sex life. We tried a few things: a bit of roleplay, watching porn together, some dirty talk…

My wife really got into the dirty talk and for a while I was finding it sexy too, but then one night things took a turn and out of nowhere, she called me ‘daddy’. 

I brushed it off in the moment, thinking it was a one-off – but it keeps happening, and I just don’t like it. It’s clichéd and completely takes me out of the moment. 

I don’t want to embarrass her or make her feel ashamed, but I also don’t want to keep pretending I’m into something that turns me off.

How do I tell her to stop without killing the chemistry? 

And should I be worried that there’s something deeper going on here? 

Not Your Daddy.

Dear Not Your Daddy,

I get it, trust me. The word ‘daddy’ has always given me the ick. Far too paternal to be bringing into the bedroom.

It’s right up there with grown women who talk to their partners in baby talk. Seriously, is there anything grosser than sitting next to a couple who are like: ‘Does my little muffin want a kiss?’ ‘Yes, your little muffin does want a kiss.’

You’re gagging now as you read this, aren’t you? I am.

I asked a psychologist friend if this is something you should be concerned about – you know, from a Freudian perspective – and she laughed and said absolutely not. 

She explained that the term ‘daddy’ is usually about masculine energy and dominance, and is often used by women who want their partner to take charge more in the bedroom.

So there’s that.

And most of the Reddit forums on the topic tend to agree the term is commonly used by women who prefer to be more submissive sexually, rather than anything to do with their actual father.

So perhaps during that post-coital cuddle, you could explain that you’re not a fan of the word ‘daddy’, but if she’s looking for you to step up the dominance side of things, you’re ready and willing. 

And as a final note, can we also throw ‘bub’, ‘stud muffin’ and ‘baby girl’ into the rubbish pile as well?

Dear Jana, 

I went away on a girls’ trip recently and while I was gone, my front door camera stopped working. It’s connected to my phone, so I noticed it had gone offline immediately. 

My husband said it must have been a Wi-Fi glitch and that he’d rebooted the router to fix it, but when I got home, the device had clearly been removed and reattached differently.

The reason this is bothering me so much is that he cheated once years ago. We moved on from it, but rebuilding trust took a long time. 

Now I’m terrified he had someone over and disabled the camera so there wouldn’t be footage. He swears nothing happened and says I’m being paranoid.

Am I triggered by the past, or is this actually suspicious? 

Camera Offline.

Dear Camera Offline,

Girl… that man is looking suspicious.

Sorry to be blunt, but the maths ain’t math-ing on this one.

I also think two things can be true at the same time. Yes, you could absolutely be triggered by the past. But also yes, this is objectively dodgy.

If it were just the Wi-Fi, why would the whole camera need to be removed and reattached? Wi-Fi is a simple reset, but this was a physical interference. Suss.

Here’s the problem with cheating. You can do as much therapy as you like, but once trust has been broken, your nervous system never quite forgets. The alarm bells sit there quietly until something sets them off again. Trips away are a classic trigger point, because suddenly you’re not there and your brain fills in the gaps.

So yes, part of this reaction is your history. But that history exists for a reason.

What you really have to ask yourself is whether you’re willing to live with this level of doubt long term. Because if every unexplained moment sends you into a spiral, that’s exhausting. Relationships aren’t supposed to feel like detective work.

I’ve seen how this plays out plenty of times before, and it often leads to divorce. 

Some leopards don’t change their spots, and if the door camera just happens to go kaput the one weekend you’re away, you’re not crazy for raising an eyebrow.

Honestly, men… whatever happened to just getting a hotel room?

Dear Jana, 

I moved to a new area last year and ended up becoming close with another mum from the neighbourhood. We hit it off quickly, and she’s become one of my closest friends here.

Everything was going great until she met my husband.  

Now she flirts with him constantly. Not subtly. She’s constantly touching his arm when she laughs, making jokes about how ‘lucky’ I am, and sending him memes directly instead of putting them in our group chat. 

The part that really bothers me is that she sometimes ‘pops by’ the house when she sees his work truck out front, and she knows I’m at the office. 

My husband says I’m reading too much into it and that she’s just being friendly. I feel uncomfortable but also worried about sounding jealous and ruining a friendship I genuinely value.

Am I imagining this, or does this cross a line?

Friend or Foe.

Dear Friend or Foe,

Ahhh yes, the ol’ husband hunter. I’ve known a few in my time. They get horny over guys who are already taken.

It’s classic competitive female behaviour – the kind that psychologists could have a field day with, if these women ever made it into their offices. But they won’t, because they’re too busy scanning rooms for their next target wearing a wedding ring.

First of all, be flattered. Sounds like you’ve got a hot husband. Bravo you.

But it is time to nip this one in the bud.

Because what you’re describing isn’t innocent friendliness. What she is displaying is attention-seeking behaviour. Whether she realises it or not, she’s enjoying the dynamic a little too much.

Now, I hate to say it, but your husband also plays a role here. He may genuinely think it’s harmless. Many men are spectacularly oblivious when someone is flirting with them, especially when it comes with compliments and ego boosts. But oblivious doesn’t mean it’s okay if it makes you uncomfortable.

So I’d start with him. Calmly explain that the situation feels off to you, particularly her dropping by when you’re not home and messaging him privately. A good partner doesn’t need to agree with your interpretation to respect your boundary.

Then yes, I would have it out with her. Calm but firm. Because usually when you call out this kind of behaviour, they back off pretty quickly. Something simple like, ‘Hey, I might be reading this wrong, but some of the flirting with my husband makes me uncomfortable.’ No drama. Just clarity.

If she respects the friendship, she’ll adjust. If she doesn’t… well, then I’d be saying sayonara to that friendship.

Your spidey senses are right on this one. She’s dodgy, and in the fine words of my favourite drag queen, Bianca Del Rio… ‘Not today, Satan!’