“And then, I guess, show people what I’ve got along the way,” she said.
But this time it was almost like: “We saw you at the World Cup, what are you going to bring to Portland?”
“It’s quite out in the open what you get paid over in America,” Arnold said. “It’s a known thing between the players. So going over on the contract that I was on, there was a lot expected of me. And going in mid-season, a lot of eyes were on me to try and prove myself.
Mackenzie Arnold (right) with teammates Reyna Reyes (left) and Mallie McKenzie at the Portland Thorns.Credit: Getty Images
“And I don’t think I played that great when I first [got there]. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself and trying to live up to expectations, and not really giving myself a chance.”
The wobbly start was exacerbated by untimely injuries, and by Bella Bixby’s return from parental leave. Bixby was homegrown and adored by Thorns fans, and Arnold represented the competition. The Queenslander, a self-confessed expert in negative self-talk, was suddenly the target of external criticism.
It came in an influx of targeted negative comments and direct messages. Variations of “they don’t want me to be playing”, “I shouldn’t be in the team” and “the other goalkeeper should be playing”.
Arnold with Sam Kerr before April’s friendly with South Korea in Sydney.Credit: Getty Images
“Even if you had a good game, it still wasn’t enough,” she recalled. “I just felt like I was constantly fighting an uphill battle. That’s when I realised … you can’t impress them anyway, so just let it go.
“Being in America is very, very different. The Americans love their own, which is completely understandable … I can understand where the loyalty lies.
“I just wasn’t expecting a lot of that to be quite targeted at me. I hadn’t really experienced that a lot, and I read into it a lot because I knew I wasn’t playing well. It was just a hard time, but I just got on with it and thankfully turned it around.
“In Australia, I went from zero to 100 with the World Cup, so it was always quite positive and quite supportive. Being the other end of it in Portland was just very different. But that’s social media for you, and I learned a different side of it.
“It allowed me to also realise that a lot of them don’t know what they’re talking about. They’re just keyboard warriors at the end of the day. I always knew that, but you don’t really know it until you live it. And I think now, more than ever, I’m just blocking it out.
“I really did use to look at comments after every game, and now I just find myself not doing it. It’s just so irrelevant. Their opinion doesn’t matter at the end of the day. And honestly, the good ones never really made you feel good, it was just the bad ones that made you feel bad.”
What kept her going was support from teammates. Voting her co-captain in an early endorsement, she says, helped get her in the groove and get on with football.
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It’s an odd moment of déjà vu, considering how club success at West Ham had helped Arnold beat Teagan Micah to the No.1 spot between the posts in time for the World Cup. Now here we are approaching the Asian Cup: another major tournament, another fight with Micah for that place.
Different head coach, though, and Joe Montemurro is “trying to keep everyone on their toes” with regular rotation in recent friendlies, to the point Arnold and Micah are almost taking turns.
“I’m just taking each game as it comes, because if I start reading into who’s going to play or what does this mean, what does that mean, you just send yourself insane,” Arnold said. “So if I just go in, play my best, don’t get ahead of myself, it just puts me in a better mindset for training and the rest of camp.
“It’s not ideal being in a bit of limbo – not really sure what the plan is – but that’s just professional football and that’s the national team.”
