Amid Holly Ramsay’s feud with fiancé Adam Peaty’s family, a psychologist reveals how mothers can win back control and stay ‘dignified’

Adam Peaty’s mother has reportedly been left ‘broken’ by a bitter rift with her future daughter-in-law Holly Ramsay who excluded the 59-year-old from her hen do, turned down her offer to make table decorations and questioned her outfit for the big day.

A source close to Adam’s family told the Daily Mail that bad feeling has been brewing since Adam began to distance himself from his working-class roots after being seduced by the fame and glamour of his bride’s family.

Now a psychologist has revealed how the disparity between the wealthy Ramsays and the Peatys could have led to the growing rift between Holly and Adam and his mother Caroline. 

Speaking to the Daily Mail, consultant counselling psychologist, Dr Ritz Birah, discussed how differences in wealth and status can bring up feelings of shame and questions around belonging and loyalty.

The founder of Reflect with Dr Ritz – the UK’s first confidential WhatsApp journal, said: ‘Moving into a wealthier, more “glossy” family system can trigger a feeling of not being enough, or of being seen through a different lens. 

‘One way people manage that discomfort is by creating distance from the family that represents where they came from.’

She added that growing apart from your birth family is not always about rejection but is often an ‘attempt to reduce tension between two identities’. 

‘Systemically, two family cultures are now meeting, and the person in the middle is trying to regulate both,’ Dr Birah added. ‘If the new system carries more social power, people can tend to adapt towards that system.’ 

Holly welcomed her own mother, Tana, family friend Victoria Beckham and Adam’s sister to her pre-nuptial celebrations at the celebrity hotspot Soho Farmhouse.

But she failed to invite the swimmer’s mother, Caroline Peaty, 59, who helped steer Adam to Olympic glory. She instead stayed at home in Uttoxeter, Staffordshire, looking after her five-year-old grandson George. 

The ill-feeling was apparently made worse by Adam, who has three Olympic gold medals, inviting his future father-in-law, Gordon Ramsay, to his own stag night.

Discussing the apparent snub, London-based psychologist Lindsey Frances told the Daily Mail: ‘When someone enters a world that feels very different to the one they were raised in, a few challenges can occur. Imposter syndrome kicks in, they begin to feel insecure, ashamed of their own ancestry and lack of financial inheritance. 

‘Instead of integrating both identities, some people choose one and distance themselves from the other because it feels psychologically easier. 

‘They may also have an unconscious belief that the love, belonging, or success they are now part of now requires rejection and dismissal of their origin story.’

Adam’s mother was always known as one of his staunchest supporters during his swimming career, and famously got up at 4am when he was a boy to drive him for 40 minutes to training sessions with the City of Derby swimming club.

In a punishing routine which went on for more than three years, she would then hang around for up to two hours before driving him home and going to her own job as a nursery manager while her husband and Adam’s father Mark worked as a caretaker at a Lidl store.

However, despite once being so close to his parents, a source close to Adam’s family commented that the ‘heartbreaking’ rift that has been developing between the swimming star and his mother, seems to have started when he began dating Holly. 

Explaining why this could be the case, Dr Birah said the kind of dissonance experienced by someone partnering up with someone from a wealthier background feels can ‘create shame’. 

‘Someone may feel gratitude for new opportunities yet guilt for feeling uncomfortable in them,’ she explained. ‘Interpersonally, that tension can surface as irritability or avoidance with their own family because they feel safer to push away. 

‘In therapy, I’d name that experience (the in-between space) so that person can begin to hold both identities without contempt for either. Journaling questions like “What am I proud of in where I came from?” can start to restore balance.’ 

Not being invited to the hen do is not the only reported issue between the couple and his parents. According to reports, after Caroline bought her dress for the wedding, Holly and Adam said they would take her shopping to buy a new one, as they didn’t like her choice.

Explaining what could be someone’s motivation in a situation like this, the psychologist said: ‘Wanting to replace a parent’s outfit often reflects social anxiety. It’s an attempt to manage how everyone will be perceived, an effort to protect, but one that can land as rejection.’

She added that in such a situation, the mother could feel ‘dismissed’, while the son was ‘soothing his own discomfort’.

Psychologist Lindsey added: ‘In situations like this, the issue often isn’t the dress itself, but what the dress represents. They may feel the dress signals difference or a lack of inclusion in the new wealthier family. 

‘They may feel that the wedding aesthetic and social signalling matters more in the public eye than emotional belonging or rejection. Holly and Adam may feel discomfort with unfiltered authenticity and insecure in the public glare revealing Adams true rags to riches tale. ‘ 

In another apparent snub, when Caroline offered to make place cards for the wedding table, she was turned down by the couple. According to Dr Birah, this act was ‘symbolic’, and represents a parent trying to ‘stay connected through contribution’. 

She added: ‘Refusing them can suggest a couple trying to assert independence, but it also removes a ritual of love. Systemically it’s a shift in boundaries; emotionally it’s a loss of role.’

Discussing the rift, a family member told the Daily Mail that Adam has ‘forgotten where he has come from’, and that he ‘no longer thinks his own family is good enough for him, and it’s very hurtful and spiteful’. 

Dr Birah said it is common for families to say this when they feel left behind, noting that psychologically, what’s often happening is ‘adaptation rather than abandonment’.

‘The person is navigating a new hierarchy and may suppress traits that feel “too loud” or “too ordinary”, she explained. However, she noted, ‘outgrowing circumstances doesn’t have to mean outgrowing connection’.

When it comes to how the growing distance may feel for Caroline and Mark, Dr Birah said: ‘For a parent, not being included in milestones like a stag or hen do can feel like an attachment rupture.

‘In therapy, I’d validate the mother’s hurt and help her communicate it without blame: “It mattered to me to be part of that moment”. This reframing maintains dignity while inviting empathy rather than defensiveness.’

Sharing what may work to heal this kind of distance, the expert added that ‘pursuing harder usually widens the gap’. 

She continued: ‘What heals is steady warmth and non-shaming curiosity: “We’d love to stay connected; how can we do that in a way that feels comfortable for you?”.

‘This approach lowers defensiveness and allows space for reconnection. For relatives feeling powerless, reflective writing can help, noting the difference between what they can control (their tone, invitations, openness) and what they can’t (another persons choices). That kind of reflection builds calm, which is the foundation for closeness.’

Whatever happens among the families in the future, according to Dr Birah, the rift is likely to be more complicated than it may first appear. She said: ‘What looks like arrogance or rejection is often anxiety, identity conflict and grief woven together.’

Discussing how she would work with families experiencing a similar situation, she said: ‘As a consultant counselling psychologist, I’d hold all perspectives in the room: the couple’s wish to form their own identity, the son’s pull between two value systems, and the mother’s pain at losing her role. 

‘In the therapy space, I’d help them move from accusation to understanding, using reflection and mindful communication to rebuild trust. At Reflect with Dr Ritz, I often remind people that repair starts with curiosity: asking, not assuming, and remembering that beneath most family conflict is the same need; to feel seen, respected and still belong.’

And Lindsey added: ‘Identity integration is a psychological process. Many people who pull away eventually return when they tire of performing. The deeper truth beneath all these questions, isn’t really a story about class or dresses, its about honest, belonging and aspirations against ancestry. 

‘People don’t leave where they came from because they hate it, they leave because they fear it might harm them, they fear it might stop them getting the love that they want and that compliance is conditional in the marriage.’