Nicky Haslam turns on the festive season! Acid-tongued socialite says Happy Christmas is ‘common’ (as is sitting down for a turkey dinner!)

When the clock strikes 12 on December 25, it is only natural to wish your loved ones a Happy Christmas – whether that be via message or in person.

But don’t expect to be contacted by Nicky Haslam, as the acid-tongued arbiter of taste has declared he ‘hates’ saying the phrase to everyone and believes modern Christmas Days to be ever so ‘common’.   

Instead, the socialite, from central London, told the Times that he would rather spend his time ‘Alone. Asleep. Doing nothing.’ 

Festive Holly, white lights, baubles and Christmas dinner were also in the firing line, with Nicky saying there is ‘no sense of celebration’ in London anymore, as seasoned locals tend to flee the capital for the snowy slopes or to bask in the Caribbean sun. 

‘One’s friends just aren’t around and that ruins the whole point of present-giving,’ he told the newspaper.

The Eton-educated interior designer, 86, said that he cannot bear to sit down for hours to tuck into turkey with all the trimmings when it is ‘far too much food anyway’.

Moving on to gifts, Nicky added that people should carry out the present swap on Christmas Eve rather than Christmas Day – but wrapping them in only supermarket paper simply won’t suffice.

Instead, the arbiter of all things common said they must be swaddled in silk or velvet ribbon. 

Although he is partial to a fake Christmas tree, Nicky,  who is a friend of Queen Camilla, won’t be decorating his abode this year.

He approves of households using garlands – but only if they are used with hand-harvested ivy.

Holly is a big no-no for Nicky, who detests the red berries on the seasonal plant and thinks that there is no need for colour at Christmas. 

White lights, whether strung along a tree or a house, should not be flashing and baubles should be seen on trees only. 

‘And they must come from Russia, the Russians make the best Christmas decorations,’ he added. 

Nicky, who claims Princess Margaret’s husband Lord Snowdon was once his lover, released his seventh Common List tea towel at the start of the month – just in time for Christmas.

His £50 cloth, £70 if signed and personalised, features a delightfully snobbish list of traits, phrases and people that the Cotswolds-based octogenarian considers to be lower class.

Nobel Prizes, Stonehenge and striped socks all make the vulgar list as well as phrases such as: ‘Let’s have a little listen’, ‘bums on seats’ and ‘What’s not to like?’.

He’s also against saying ‘travelling’ instead of ‘going’ and referring to The Spectator as ‘The Speccie’.

As usual, some individuals also feature, including actor Stephen Fry and TV presenter Dan Snow.

Perhaps rather bizarrely, death threats, leg room and sun block are also ‘common’, according to Mr Haslam, whose mother was a goddaughter of Queen Victoria.

More understandably, items such as air fryers, Kilner jars, lanyards and nduja all make this year’s list.

Meanwhile, saying ‘I’m a hugger’ or ‘that’s a great question’ equally suggests you’re not ready to mix with high society, claimed Mr Haslam.

Clapping the chef after a meal, leg room and playing sudoku or Wordle were also frowned upon by the interior designer, whose clients have included Sir Mick Jagger and Sir Rod Stewart.

The socialite first released his tea towels in 2018, and since then, the annual list of ‘common’ qualities has become a cherished holiday tradition for some.

But despite becoming an arbiter of everything that should be avoided by those wishing to mix in polite society, Mr Haslam once raved about one very affordable high street store.

He told the Daily Mail’s Jan Moir: ‘You have to stay modern and not limit yourself. Now I adore Primark. Three perfect T-shirts in a pack for £9 — and they last for years.’