The damning body language cues that your relationship is doomed… and the subtle signs to look out for on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day will soon be upon us, and love is in the air as many couples are getting ready to celebrate the most romantic time of the year with their significant other.

For many, the special day is set to include flowers, a nice dinner, and extra time spent together – but according to body language expert Judi James, there might be some subtle signs that your relationship is headed for the gutter. 

While you may think that your partner is just being thoughtful, there are certain seemingly romantic acts, like having more sex, that are not as innocent as they may seem. 

And the next time your significant other smiles at you, you may want to think twice. 

According to James, there are a lot of little body language signs that you need to be aware of, or else you may be blindsided by a Valentine’s Day split.

Last year, a survey conducted by Talker Research revealed that one in six couples felt like the big holiday was ‘make or break’ for their relationship.

Interestingly enough, there was also a higher percentage of men who felt like their relationship needed that extra boost from the holiday.

So before you celebrate, be on the lookout for these subtle body language signs, which can help you to decipher whether or not you and your partner are headed for splitsville soon. 

Be aware of the ‘cold eye response’

According to James, there is one particularly ‘chilling’ giveaway that your relationship could be on the rocks, and that is called the ‘cold eye’ response. 

‘An eye-crinkled eye smile is a strong symptom of affection and attachment and when that smile is replaced by a colder expression when they look at you it should be safe to assume the relationship is over, no matter how much they are smiling with their mouth,’ James told the Daily Mail.

The body language expert also shared that when we like someone, our pupils will dilate.

‘When we have warm feelings for someone there will also be a telling dilation of the pupils as we look at them, which is a physiological response that adds to our own enhanced attractiveness,’ James explained.

And that’s not the only thing that may change about their face as you fall out of love, either.

‘They will begin to look like a stranger to you thanks to a decline and alteration in the muscular response movements of the face when they look at you,’ James shared. 

‘When we’re into someone and having strong feelings of attachment and affection for them our facial features will change in an obvious way when we look at them,’ she continued.

James told the Daily Mail that when people first get together, there is a ‘look of love’ that can help you romantically bond with someone. 

But when that starts to wane, it can be a tell-tale sign that your time together might be up.  

‘This “look of love” is the face that also helps us to fall in love with them. The muscular definition or tensions soften or melt and the eyes perform an eye-smile, which is also nature’s way of making a partner look more attractive to us alone,’ James explained.

‘The desire to smile in a “soppy” way will be so intense there are often even suppression signals, like gentle puckering around the mouth, as they try to hold the smile in,’ she continued. 

‘When attraction and affection wane or die this softening of the features: that “soppy,” indulgent smile and the eye smile, will erode quite dramatically.’

James said that this result will ‘register in your subliminal response.’  

‘You will feel your partner is “different” even if you don’t realize why,’ she said, sharing an example.

‘It’s usual for the partner to blame tiredness or pressures at work if they’re asked if they’re okay, but this soft and warm expression should be weatherproof in a loving relationship, so do take it personally as a sign they have mentally checked out.’

A smile could tell you all that you need to know

While you may think that smiling around your partner is a good sign in a relationship, you might want to think again.

The body language expert told the Daily Mail that if your partner has lost interest in you, they will still smile at you, but it will look much different. 

‘When someone is masking a secret or the fact they have lost feelings for you there might still be an impulse to perform a smile to avoid detection or a row, but this performed smile will be very different from the congruent and authentic version that is prompted by affection and warmth,’ James told the Daily Mail.

‘The smile will rarely reach the eyes and the lips are hiked in an effortful ritual that often involves a baring of the teeth and a symmetric shape rather than the more lopsided smile of playful approval,’ she explained.

Be on the lookout for ‘mocking signals’ 

James stressed that mutual respect is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and when that starts to fade and be replaced with ‘mocking signals,’ like eye-rolling, it can be a red flag that things are going downhill.

‘Eye-rolling is the most common one and this can even be performed when you’re speaking one to one or when you’re in a group or with friends,’ James explained.

Other signals include things like groaning while the other person is speaking.   

‘If you see this as an “aside” to others it’s a sign of a problem,’ she said.

‘Sighing or groaning as you speak, shrugging dismissively, ‘comedy’ mimicry of you or a mocking laugh during conversations or discussions are all signals of an erosion of respect as are dismissive words like “whatever,” “you think?” “you would say that” etc.’

Having more sex than usual is not always a good sign 

Typically, many people equate having more sex as a positive sign in their relationship – after all, they’re keeping the spark alive, right? Wrong.

According to James, if there’s a surplus of sex in your relationship, it could be a signal that things are about to crumble. 

‘Emotional disassociation might not always result in a dip in sexual behaviors and, especially if they’re cheating, the new state of sexual arousal might spill into their relationship with you too,’ James explained.

Plus, that new trick they learned in bed could actually be from someone else.  

‘That new sexual technique might be erotic and exciting but did they really learn it to please you or did they learn it from someone else?’ she questioned.

‘Are they trying new things or acting more spontaneous and greedier? You might be getting used as a prototype for someone else who has triggered their sensual side.’

Your partner may be feeling super-stressed and you won’t know why 

If your partner is complaining about having physical symptoms of stress, it may actually be because of you and your relationship.

James explained to the Daily Mail that lying takes a huge stress on the body, which can manifest itself in physical ailments. 

‘Hiding a secret can be flagged up by physiological symptoms and responses that are hard to conceal,’ James said.

‘Lying is a stressful experience that takes its toll on our bodies as the brain tries to first suppress the truth and then create and perform the lie,’ she said.

‘The fight/flight response can be triggered, which can mean shallow rapid breathing, muscle tension causing an inability to relax, tension in the shoulders and neck, and an increase in self-comfort or self-soothe signals like fiddling with jewelry, auto-touches to the hair or neck, and metronomic rituals that signal impatience like foot-tapping, a leg judder or finger drumming are all common.’

In addition to feeling more stressed out, your partner may also become more irritable towards you.

‘Nobody likes to think they’re being a heel in breaking off a relationship and nobody likes to carry the burden of guilt for breaking someone’s heart,’ the body language expert said.

‘So, in an act defined as “ego-defensive” you will find your partner getting irritated by things you say or do, even the things they used to love like using cute nicknames or pinching chips off their plate,’ she shared.

‘They’re trying to justify their own behavior, especially if they’re cheating.’

You may be on the other end of their ‘barrier-building’ 

According to the body language expert, when we feel happy and ‘relaxed’ in our relationship, we welcome physical touch and crave being close.

But when things are going awry, the opposite can be true. 

It only becomes even more exacerbated when you’re telling a lie, too.  

‘When we’re checking out or harboring a secret though, the hands, eyes and legs will tend to get busy building detachment and self-protective barriers,’ James told the Daily Mail.

‘Hands can be clasped in front of the torso and maybe in a steepled position to ensure distance,’ she said.

‘Legs will be crossed or arms folded. The hands tend to play around the face more, too as the subconscious attempts to cover or hide the features, especially the mouth during a lie.’ 

This ‘barrier building’ may also extend to how they typically choose to physically connect with you, according to James. 

‘Hand-clasping as you walk together is a very personal and intimate form of communication and when this changes to walking arm-in-arm or some kind of less intimate touch that doesn’t involve flesh-on-flesh you should spot a red flag,’ she said.

‘An arm might be casually thrown over your shoulders instead, which is a way of negating some of the touch intensity and intimacy. If this leads to no linking touch when you’re out as a couple it should be seen as a major red flag.’ 

Your phone has become the third person in your relationship

If you’ve noticed a third person entering your relationship – in the form of your phones – it could mean that trouble is brewing.

While James says that it is not ‘unusual’ for your partner to be engaged in their phone a lot of the time – it is 2026 after all – there are reasons to be concerned if you’ve noticed an increase.  

‘It’s not unusual to be in a relationship with someone who is welded to their phone, taking messages or scrolling while they’re with you but there will be a change in this behavior when a relationship is on the skids,’ James said.

‘They’ll get up to leave the room to take calls and you’ll see their facial expression change (and even soften) when they gaze at their messages,’ she added.

And on a similar note, if your significant other doesn’t want to post pictures with you on social media, or is reluctant to take a photo, that could be a big red flag, too.  

‘When we’re in a strong relationship the desire to show off the pairing and even boast about the love results in some keen and mirrored selfie behaviors where your poses are compatible and mirrored,’ James said.

‘If they want out of the relationship though that will often initially be reflected in their sullen selfies,’ she continued.

‘They’ve probably told their friends and/or their new romantic interest that your relationship is all but over, so they won’t want happy playful pics airing on social media to make them look like a liar.’

Your significant other has stopped ‘purring’ – literally

The body language expert highlighted that oftentimes, in a thriving relationship, your partner will appreciate flirty strokes and ‘smiles of approval’ – but if they’ve started rejecting them, there could be trouble in paradise.

‘Non-verbal strokes are small compliments, smiles of approval or flirt signals that we use to flatter our partners and the complimentary reply should be a “purr,” which can be a smile of satisfaction or even blushing,’ James revealed.

‘When the compliments get no response though your “strokes” have become irrelevant to them, suggesting they are tuned into someone else instead.’

These ‘strokes’ can also translate into what James calls ‘tie-signs,’ which are small things like arm squeezes. 

If your relationship is headed in a bad direction, those tie-signs will ‘wilt and die,’ the body language expert said. 

‘Close couples use subtle tie-signs to communicate silently in public,’ she explained.

‘Small touches, strokes, hand or arm squeezes and even those telling looks will be a vital aspect of a loving communication that show a desire to be constantly linked or tuned in. When we tune out though these rituals vanish.’

The playfulness and silliness in the relationship is all gone

If you find that you and your partner are no longer falling into laughing fits, or engaging in those typical, playful rituals, it could mean that something might not be right. 

‘Many relationships endure beyond the point where you stop making each other laugh but laughing and playing together is essential for strong, happy bonds,’ James said.

‘Playfulness is a sign of a solid relationship and it also signifies mutual trust and a couple being strongly committed and tuned into each other,’ she continued.

‘Both physical playfulness like play-fighting and verbal “banter” only work when this being “tuned in” is mutual, as you need to read your partner closely to check it’s light-hearted fun that they are enjoying and not insults or forms of “attack,”‘ James shared.

She added that being able to laugh with someone often means that we are able to feel calm and relaxed around them. 

‘When there are secrets or a desire to quit the relationship there will be little if any chance of having a good laugh or a playful conversation,’ she said.

And, if things are just starting to get awkward, especially physically, that can be another tell-tale sign things have gone awry. 

‘Your natural physical synchronicity is replaced by awkwardness,’ James said. ‘A close couple will have synchronized touch rituals and choreography.’

‘They will tend to mirror each other’s movements even when they are out of sight of each other,’ she continued.

‘When a relationship is ending though that ease of movement and touch will go out of kilter and be replaced by clumsiness or awkwardness.’

Your sleep pattern may be interrupted 

If you are suddenly becoming irritated with your partner during the night and at bedtime, it might be a sign that the relationship is headed in the wrong direction.  

‘When a relationship is strong your ability to relax together is a given, which means you get your best sleep when you are curled up together or even when your head is using their chest as a pillow,’ James explained.

‘When background noise that was like a lullaby, like their heartbeat, breathing or gentle snores become foreground noise that make you irritable and unable to sleep this can suggest the relationship is moving towards the end,’ she revealed.

Eyes are the biggest sign of a disengaged partner

According to the body language expert, eyes can be the biggest ‘tell’ of truth when it comes to learning about how your partner truly feels about you. 

‘The eye-dart or quick glances to the side during a conversation will be one way of attempting this, or an adrenaline-fueled rapid blinking in a flurry or eye-stutter is another,’ James said. 

‘If you confront your partner though, you might see the opposite response which is the use of too much unblinking eye contact that will appear unnatural as they try to act innocent,’ she said.

James added that ‘rapid blinking’ can also be a sign of irritation. 

‘Affection creates slower blinking to signal approval but a rapid blink rate when you’re speaking to each other can signal the opposite,’ James told the Daily Mail.

Likewise, your partner will no longer be looking into your eyes as deeply as they once did when they fell in love with you. 

Instead, their eyes might look distracted.  

‘The desire to gaze into your eyes will cease,’ James shared.

‘Deep eye-gazing occurs when we want to get as close as possible to someone and read their thoughts. It’s a gesture of trust and intense interest,’ she continued.

‘The end of love is often signaled when deep gazing goes and the gaze becomes distracted instead.’

There’s a verbal disconnect between you and your partner

If you and your partner are struggling to communicate, it could be an indication that something has gone awry in the relationship.

James said that if you’re constantly having to explain your points to your partner, it’s not a good sign. 

In fact, it can mean that your partner is already checked out.  

‘Close couples finish each other’s sentences because they are mentally tuned in,’ James said. 

‘A “did you..?” can be interrupted with a “Yes, I know!” But when those links break down it can take longer to explain ideas and points to your partner because they listen less and are no longer tuned in,’ she said. 

This disconnect will also translate into the physical part of your relationship.

‘All the sitting or standing constantly in touch or leaning in together will cease and there can be big changes in spatial behavior when a relationship is ending,’ James said.

‘Sitting with a gap between you (or the dog) and going out socially with virtually no touch or hugging is always a red flag.’

Your partner may seem more possessive than usual

James told the Daily Mail that if your partner is hiding something – like a secret relationship – they may become more possessive of you.

‘Asking where you’re going, why you’re late and who you’ve been with might imply they’re getting needy and clingy, but the opposite can be true,’ James shared.

‘If they’re seeing someone else they will be wanting to check on all your movements to ensure you don’t catch them out on a date with the other person,’ the body language expert said.

‘Sometimes when someone cheats they also like to absolve their own guilt by imagining it’s you who is cheating so they can blame you for the fact they found someone else.’