MAFS 2024 Reunion Part 2 Recap: One Last Hurrah

Welcome back to Part 2 of the MAFS Reunion recap because apparently last night didn’t fuck us up enough. It’s the final episode of this literal shitshow, guys!!! The grand finale, if you will.

We are being forced to take yet another trip down memory lane, this time with the moment Collins couldn’t get out of the car on his wedding day.

Why do I still cry when watching footage of Lucinda and Timothy‘s MAFS wedding day back? I think it still feels like a beautiful love story even though it didn’t end in romance.

Enough of that! We need some drama to shake up the nostalgia.

The first couple up is Lauren and Jono because the producers are not fucking around with this MAFS finale episode.

Jono goes through his rehearsed Ellie timeline yet again (one week after MAFS Final Vows they had a 90-minute phone convo etc) and says the reason he reached out was to prepare her for the MAFS Reunion.

MAFS expert Alessandra wants answers. Why Ellie? Why no other MAFS brides? He maintains the messages were innocent which is just rude at this point.

Also rude was the time Ellie didn’t say hello back to Lauren when she greeted her at the MAFS Reunion Dinner Party.

Ellie jumps in from the sidelines to say that she didn’t hear Lauren say that, before Alessandra reminds the secret demon that it’s not her turn to speak.

Alessandra then grants Ellie permission to speak, merely to further expose herself as a mean girl. She does kind of give Gretchen Weiners, no?

Why do I say this? Ellie didn’t feel the need to talk to Lauren about “any of this”. Hmm. A quick little, “Hey, I know this is awkward” wouldn’t have gone astray, which is what Sara jumps in to suggest.

Ellie literally sat across from Lauren, who was crying? It’s all so confusing and I’m unsure if we should totally stab Caesar.

Lauren maintains that Ellie and Jono’s messages felt like a “getting to know each other” stage of a relationship and Alessandra validates her on that.

“It is very clear that that is the case,” says Alessandra.

Ellie confirms she always thought Jono was good-looking. He even made her Top Four in the ranking task! Is that meant to be a compliment?

“It was always obvious there was a crush,” Ben adds after hearing the conversation — context, decibels and all.

We’re playing back the tapes! Thank fuck.

We kick off with a bunch of times Lauren called Jono too nice or pushed him to show more “passion”. Jono loves this because it plays into his narrative that Lauren treated him like shit and therefore shouldn’t even care about his relationship with Ellie.

Sadly for Jono, the part(s) where he’s a douche monkey is coming up, including the time he promised to back up Lauren when she called Jack out. Spoiler: he didn’t (even though Jack wouldn’t be the one sucking his dick at the end of the night).

How fun for Ellie to watch the part where Jono and Lauren has sex during MAFS Home Stays. What would that have been? Six weeks ago? Two weeks before Ellie got the 90-minute call-up? During the getting to know her stage? Look, I’ll leave the maths to Jono.

Okay quick side note: remember the MAFS Commitment Ceremony when Tori dropped the bomb about Ellie’s text messages? We’re now shown a part where Tori adds that Jono had also told Jack that he wished he was matched with Ellie.

Like, this isn’t new information, but it felt like new information at the MAFS Dinner Party the following night? Stitch up.

Everyone is giggling over the lies Jono told everyone at that very dinner party, including how there’s no future for him and Ellie.

He tries one last time to blame Lauren for thinking with his dick, before they decide that it’s sad things ended this way and call it a day.

Sara and Tim! They’re doing well which is more than I can say for Sara’s vocal chords after last night’s performance.

They watch back the tapes of their relationship and don’t even get to do an “aww” before Cassandra jumps in with her opinion.

“She just lies,” Cassandra says. “She lies to make herself look better.”

Sara, whose vocal chords appear to be just fine, thinks that’s bullshit. She thinks that Cassandra (who she manages to not point at for 0.2 seconds) doesn’t even know her.

“I don’t want to get to know you, trust me. I’ve seen enough,” Cassandra responds. Ouch!

“Oh, babe, you actually haven’t. You’ve seen one per cent of me,” Sara bites. I do enjoy a condescending “babe” address on this show.

Sara reckons she and Cassandra have never spoken.

“The character you’ve displayed though, that’s why,” Michael jumps in. 

“I saw the real you and realised you’re shit,” he laughs.

“Hear hear,” Ellie adds.

Jesus Christ, shit or not, I feel for Sara right now. A public dragging is never fun.

The trust is still building between Sara and Tim but they’re feeling good. Sadly I don’t think that lasts too long after this couch sesh.

Jayden and Eden have been blessed with more airtime and our friend-fucker (sorry, still recovering) uses the opportunity to gift the MAFS experts sexy polaroids of him decorated in whipped cream.

“I die,” Alessandra says. 

He hands them to the ladies but MAFS Expert John Aiken would like to see too, please.

Jayden references boxing one more time before he leaves the show, saying some shit about “world-champ strength” when it comes to his feelings for Eden. We skip the tapes because love is boring.

Jack and Tori are up to tell everyone how great they’ve been doing away from this experiment.

“These group get togethers are yuck. I don’t like them,” Tori explains before the MAFS experts thrust the video of her relationship with Jack upon her.

Tori is literally hiding behind a pillow as she hears about all the times Jack said he didn’t have sexual energy with her. Do we think Tori is now realising how Australian views this relationship?

Everyone’s watching Jack’s Finals Vows to Tori as confused as we were, and Tori looks like she could cry at any second.

“It’s confronting,” Tori says.

“It’s shit to watch,” Jack adds.

I’m happy to report that Jack has learned something from all of this, though: that he talks too quick!

“Do you sit there now with any reservations?” John asks Tori.

Um, I’ve never seen MAFS experts wanting a couple to break up so badly. 

“The minute we come back to this, it turns into an absolute shit fight,” Tori tells John. 

Tori has nothing more to say. “I wanna leave,” Tori says before they both hydrate and leave.

Lucinda and Timothy are up! 

Timothy says things have been going well since they “got out” and MAFS Expert Mel Schilling would like to assure him (and any lawyers watching) that he wasn’t in gaol.

“I see Tim, the pain and the struggle and the deep loss,” Lucinda tells the MAFS experts of their relationship. “What I love about Tim is he just makes the world laugh and smile around him despite all of his loss. I respect that so much.”

“He cares a lot. Once he loves you, you’re there is his heart,” Lucinda finishes.

“It’s okay not to be okay and Lu showed me that. She showed me to let a few people in,” Timothy says, noting he feels like a different man.

“The process itself has been quite amazing.”

We’re watching the tapes back and while it starts with giggling about Lucinda’s perving tendencies and the sacrificial chicken, it quickly turns serious with Timothy’s wedding speech, where he explained his loss.

“This is brutal,” Timothy whispers to Lucinda while watching it back on the couch.

I’m actually weeping watching the rest of their love story. And yes, I do believe it’s a love story. A platonic one between Timothy and Lucinda, and one between Timothy and his future self. Who knew I was so profound!

The experts ask if there’s hope for the pair.

“For sure,” Timothy responds. “I always said it wasn’t the end of something but the beginning on something.”

Beginning of… a friendship? Don’t play me!

“I’m so proud of you,” Mel tells Timothy (on behalf of Australia) before thanking Lucinda for breathing (on behalf of Australia).

That’s it, you guys! We did it! An entire 38 episodes. Two months of our lives. Should we be proud of ourselves or hate ourselves?

As always, I’ve learned a thing or two. But most of all, I’ve learned that this show will always make me feel like a fucking idiot for investing in relationships that never stood a chance.

That’s a wrap — be sure to follow me on Instagram for whatever I’ll be doing with my life next.