Ugly obituary war breaks out after disowned son responds to family’s glowing tribute to late firefighter by publishing his own that brands him a terrible father

A scathing obituary penned by a son who was disowned a decade earlier by his late firefighter father has been promptly removed from the internet. 

The writer, Timothy McLaughlin, 42, felt the need to respond to an obituary for his father James J. Becker, 81, a retired Milford, Connecticut firefighter.

The tribute described Becker, who was a Jehovah’s Witness, as a lover of his faith. Becker loved camping, road trips to Florida watching Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune, it stated. 

But there was one line in particular that McLaughlin took issue with: ‘The quality many will most remember him fondly for though, was his love for people,’ the family obituary stated.

McLaughlin, who was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness faith but later left the faith, explained how he had been excluded and shunned by the family for ten years after he abandoned the religion.

He described feeling deeply hurt by being ‘disfellowshipped’ and estranged from his father since October 1, 2013 – so he decided to set the record straight.

McLaughlin’s version of his father’s obituary read in part, ‘the previous obituary written by the family was highly misleading. It was accurate in saying that the part of James’ life that he valued most was his religion as a Jehovah’s Witness, but it failed to mention to what extent…this included disowning and shunning his adult son, Timothy, when he chose to leave the religion in October 2013.’

McLaughlin’s obituary garnered attention on social media as he aimed to rectify what he saw as glaring omissions and misrepresentations in the family’s initial tribute.

He emphasized how the family’s obituary failed to acknowledge the extent of his father’s disowning and shunning of him after he left the Jehovah’s Witness faith which he describes as ‘cult-like’. 

McLaughlin said ‘shunning’ is required by the religion when officially ‘disfellowshipped’. 

But 24 hours later, the obituary had been pulled from the website. 

Legacy, the platform through which he attempted to publish it, cited references to family conflict and negative remarks about the deceased as reasons for pulling the obit. 

The second obit was also supposed to appear in a Connecticut newspaper on Sunday, but that was later pulled.

McLaughlin appears to be at peace with the decision as he said everyone he wanted to see it has already done so.

‘Everyone I care to see it has seen it. It served its purpose, take control of the narrative,’ McLaughlin said to The Morning Call. ‘Writing that obituary was very cathartic.’ 

He explained how writing the obituary was a deeply cathartic experience for him. 

After extending condolences, the site which removed the posting, Legacy, wrote: ‘We are unable to publish this obituary as it references family conflict and includes negative references about the deceased.’ McLaughlin received a full refund. 

McLaughlin, who is openly gay and has married for eight years to Joseph McLaughlin, was surprised to have been mentioned among his father’s surviving children in the family’s initial obituary. 

However, he was hurt by the omission of his husband’s name and their relationship but he included such details in his own version.

‘The previous obituary also failed to mention my cherished husband of eight years, Joseph McLaughlin whom they have chosen to never meet and refuse to acknowledge,’ Timothy wrote. 

‘They did not attend our wedding, never met our son when we fostered, and have never stepped foot into our home (even though our home is welcome to all!).’ 

He acknowledged that while his father’s had some positive traits such as his love for Yahtzee and other activities, he criticized the family’s obituary for not addressing the pain and dehumanization he experienced after the fallout because of his differing beliefs.

‘None of them even contacted me when my father died,’ McLaughlin added. ‘I found out second hand.’ 

Despite the challenges, McLaughlin has said feels an obligation to speak out and shed light on his experiences for others who may be struggling with similar situations within the Jehovah’s Witness faith. 

‘I must say that despite all the hurt they have caused, my life is full of love and happiness and that the loss is truly theirs. Thank you to all of our friends who have offered condolences this past week, despite the complicated circumstances,’ he wrote.

McLaughlin notes how he came out as gay to his parents at the 23. 

Although homosexuality is considered a sin in the faith, but he was allowed to stay in the religion so long as as he stayed celibate which he believes is now an unnatural expectation. 

‘I’m not trying to vilify the individuals that make up the rank and file membership,’ McLaughlin clarified.

‘The organization targets some of the kindest, most well-meaning people who may be at a vulnerable time in their lives or who are desperately searching for answers,’ he said.

Jehovah’s Witnesses released a statement in response to McLaughlin’s claims. 

‘Jehovah’s Witnesses respect the free will and right of every individual to decide what religious beliefs he or she may have. We believe each individual has a right to change his belief system should he or she decide to do so. With that in view, we do not force our beliefs on anyone,’ the statement reads, in part.