Here’s a secret: I have a ‘cry’ playlist, and post-punk-slash-emo rap star Ekkstacy features on it more than once. His music has the sort of beautiful self-indulgence that gave sadness meaning during some of my darkest moments, and so I definitely didn’t expect the roles to be reversed when we spoke earlier this month. He joined the call from Vancouver, Canada, 20 minutes late, camera off and clearly still in bed. He mumbled a genuine apology, followed by a half-hearted excuse. We’d never met before, but something was definitely amiss.
In hindsight, I shouldn’t have been surprised – Ekk’s music has long revelled in tales of love lost and internal turmoil. He was catapulted to stardom at just 19-years-old when “i walk this earth all by myself” became a TikTok mega-hit, now standing at over a quarter of a billion streams. The track was quite literally a cry for help for the young artist who was working night shifts at Amazon and sleeping on his dad’s sofa at the time, writing guitar melodies alone and dreaming of doing music full-time. Within two weeks of the song releasing, Ekkstacy tells me, he was doing label meetings in LA.
Fast-forward four years and Ekkstacy’s latest album, Forever, is a powerful vindication for this teenage angst, for the first time lifting his production out of the bedroom (or, rather, the living room) and placing it in the hands of a live band. Touching on a recent battle with substance abuse, the new project finds a delicate balance between the desperate soul-searching of Ekk’s earlier releases and the more expansive songwriting he’s embraced since, but the troubled artist’s mind was elsewhere when we spoke earlier this month.
Ekkstacy eventually confessed that he’d just broken up with his girlfriend. He’d spent the previous night drowning his sorrows in a series of dive bars across downtown Vancouver and, in his own words, had ‘chalked the night up to a loss’ around 2am. The now 23-year-old has spent much of his career singing about his perceived loneliness, but the reality is a little more nuanced. Ekk values company a lot, perhaps a little too much. “I thought this chick was the one, bro, I almost married her,” he told me. “I think I just went too extreme. I should have taken it slower, because I ended up burning out.” To some extent, then, it seemed this isolation was a defense mechanism.
Unsurprisingly, given the circumstances, Ekkstacy didn’t feel much like talking about music that day. Nonetheless, our conversation gave me insight into the visceral artistry that had first captivated myself and countless others all those years ago. He clearly feels very intensely – the anxious, all-or-nothing type that usually goes hand-in-hand with addiction. But beneath all of this was also the striking empathy and emotional literacy of someone who is obviously very intelligent – after all, most people who’ve struggled that much usually are. Or, at least, they’ve had to be.
Below is an edited transcript of my conversation with rising post punk star Ekkstacy, recorded just ahead of his world tour kicking off this weekend (May 17).
Hey Ekkstacy! Are you in New York at the moment?
Ekkstacy: Nah, I’m in Vancouver. I attempted to move [to New York] a year ago, but failed.
How come?
Ekkstacy: I just partied too hard and burnt out, I had to leave.
This project is a pretty special moment, tracking your production with a live band, right?
Ekkstacy: Yeah, it’s my first time doing that. I wrote the whole thing in my house on my acoustic, just super stripped down shit, and then took all the demos to LA. Before, me and my homie would do it together in the crib on a laptop.
It must be fun to play live.
Ekkstacy: Yeah, I’m excited to play the new songs at the shows. We haven’t played any of them yet. We were going to at this one show but I fucking blacked out and forgot all my lyrics. Dude, it was such a shit show.
What happened?
Ekkstacy: It was destined for fucking disaster, bro. I don’t even remember what city it was, but they gave me a penthouse hotel room with a full bar and a pool table. It was insane. I was like, ‘If you think I’m not going to party in here, you’re fucked.’ So I partied all day before the show. I was super cooked before I even went on stage.
Did you enjoy it at least?
Ekkstacy: I enjoyed it until after the show, and then the next morning was really bad. I was a shell of myself. I remember I woke up and watched The Notebook, Eternal Sunshine and Dallas Buyers Club back to back.
First I liked Soundcloud rap. Then, some kid in my class showed me Mac DeMarco and I was like ‘Whoa, what is this even called?’ He was like, ‘It’s called indie’
What attracts you to partying so much?
Ekkstacy: I like the option of just being able to be somewhere anywhere at all times. That’s what I don’t like about Vancouver, there’s a certain point where you just have to go home and if you failed, you failed.
Failed in what sense?
Ekkstacy: I don’t know. When I was on tour in Europe, it was ridiculous. I was really fucked up the whole time, I kind of crashed out at the end. It’s safer for me to be somewhere like Vancouver because the drugs are really dirty and I pretty much just stay away from them. Everything closes at two or three so it’s pretty safe for me to be here. That’s why New York was so fucked because I was out till five or six every day. The point comes where I’m like, ‘Damn, dude, I can’t really do this.’ Then I go home and revive myself.
I was just listening to ‘Stain’ and it seems to deal with some of these experiences.
Ekkstacy: I have a weak mind for drugs. I feel like I need to have a lot of pills to keep me sane because I have really bad anxiety, but I also have a history of psychosis so I get scared when I’m going to the afters and shit…
It’s sad to hear that, because some of my favourite songs came from that mind, too.
Ekkstacy: Thanks. I guess you got to be a little cooked to be an artist.
Were those always the sort of artists that appealed to you?
Ekkstacy: First I liked Soundcloud rap – Peep and X[XXtentacion], stuff like that. Then, I got into indie rock. Some kid in my class showed me Mac DeMarco and I was like ‘Whoa, what is this even called?’ He was like, ‘It’s called indie.’ Then I found Current Joys, and he was the one that changed my whole life. That’s when I transferred into the sound I started making. I heard Current Joys and made ‘i walk this earth’ literally weeks later. Current Joys is my favourite band. He actually played guitar on ‘Stain’.
That’s mad, how did that happen?
Ekkstacy: Whenever I’m in LA I always hit him up and he is just a really nice dude and down to hang out with fools. I was like, ‘Yo, dude, come in the studio today.’ He’s like, ‘For sure, bro.’ We didn’t even think [‘Stain’] was that good at first and then I sang on it and he was like, ‘Whoa, OK, cool.’
How did you guys first link up?
Ekkstacy: It was funny as fuck. I did a big shoot for GQ last year and I shouted him out in the article because I’ve literally mentioned Current Joys in every interview I’ve ever done. He must have followed GQ or something because he reached out to me and was like ‘Yo dude never thought I’d see my name in GQ. Thank you.’ I was like no fucking way. He’s the goat.
That must be pretty validating for you.
Ekkstacy: Dude, nothing really validates me. It’s only when I’m stoked on something. When people tell me that I’m good or that anything about me is good, I don’t really believe it. The only time I’m happy is when I do it myself. It’s both positive and negative, if I think something sucks, no one can tell me it’s good. If I think something’s good, then no one can tell me it sucks, you know?
Where do you get these flashes of contentment, then?
Ekkstacy: I make my best shit alone. I have to be calm because when I drink, I drink, and within an hour I can’t do shit besides blab to some chick about something stupid. When I make a good demo, I’ll be like, ‘Yep.’ That’s what’s so sick about this album – the whole time I was pretty doped on it. I was really happy with it. When I really like something I’m instantly sending it to all my homies and even my mom.
It’s an interesting dichotomy. On one side, other people’s opinions don’t penetrate, but you also seem like someone who values company.
Ekkstacy: I’m the worst at being alone that ever was, dude. I constantly have company and I feel like I’m wasting my life. I also need people around me right now [given the breakup]. I need the distraction from how shit I feel lowkey.
So, what does a good day look like?
Ekkstacy: A good day is what I was doing two weeks ago. I go to the gym every day regardless, but the drinking does not help that because it’s hard to get out of bed. But, yeah, I just like to be with the homies, play sports, skate and shit. I also snowboarded like three times a week this season because the mountain is just 30 minutes from my house.
That sounds good. Plus, you’ll be on tour soon so there’ll be loads of distractions then.
Ekkstacy: You’re right, I didn’t even think about it like that. I just have to not crash out for the next two weeks and, if I can do that, I can go have fun on tour. Maybe I should get sober for a couple weeks. Thanks, man, this was therapeutic for me.
For me, too.
Ekkstacy’s latest album, Forever, releases tomorrow (May 16). His world tour kicks off this weekend (May 17), with a show at Peckham Audio, London, May 27.
