I’m a man who goes running daily and almost every woman I encounter is rude or unfriendly – what am I doing wrong?

An innocent question about running etiquette has opened up a much deeper conversation about women’s safety, harassment, and the exhausting mental calculations many women make every day to move through public spaces alone.

The discussion began after a male runner shared an observation on Reddit.

When he passed other runners while exercising – whether in parks, along beaches, or on country roads – men would usually return his small wave or nod of acknowledgement.

Women, however, often kept their eyes straight ahead – even though the runner stressed he was not trying to flirt or start conversations.

‘I don’t slow down, I don’t stare, I don’t change direction, and I’m definitely not trying to start a conversation. It’s honestly just that tiny feeling of runner solidarity, we’re on the same team for these 30 minutes of suffering, let’s go, we got this,’ he wrote.

But he wondered whether a man saying hello to a woman running alone might feel different from her perspective.

What followed was an outpouring of responses from women explaining that what can appear cold, dismissive, or even rude is often rooted in something much darker.

‘Every woman I know has at least two or three stories about creepy dudes following them around just because they were friendly for half-a-second,’ one person wrote.

‘I’ve learned that being polite can put me in unsafe situations,’ another explained.

For many women, the issue was what usually came after the greetings.

A smile, eye contact, or casual wave could quickly be interpreted by the wrong person as an invitation for further interaction.

‘Sometimes just looking at a man is enough to be interpreted as an invite,’ one woman wrote.

She recalled making eye contact with a man while another woman was being harassed on a tram.

‘I knew immediately I’d made a mistake. He came over and started harassing me, and when I eventually told him to leave me alone, he punched me on the arm.’

Others shared stories of being followed while walking home, stalked after customer service interactions, or cornered while exercising alone.

One woman said she waved back at a man during a walk home from work only for him to later follow her on a bike and proposition her.

Another said a man joined her gym and repeatedly pressured her for her number after she simply waved and said ‘hello’ while running.

‘I no longer wave to people when I’m walking,’ she wrote.

The stories painted a confronting picture of how ordinary public interactions can carry very different stakes for women.

‘The reward is a two-second moment of interaction with a stranger. The risk is an insane guy making lewd comments, following you, or doing all sorts of crazy stuff,’ one commenter wrote.

The conversation also revealed how deeply these behaviours become ingrained over time.

Many women described developing silent safety habits almost automatically: avoiding eye contact, not wearing both headphones, changing routes, pretending to be on the phone or identifying safe houses and busy areas while exercising.

One commenter said her friend specifically planned running routes around trusted locations in case she needed somewhere safe to stop.

Others said the hyper-vigilance never truly disappears, regardless of age.

‘I’m 46, my mum is 75,’ one woman wrote after describing a man following them slowly in a truck during a run. ‘It never stops.’

In Australia, conversations around women’s safety in public spaces have intensified in recent years following national discussions about gendered violence, harassment, and consent.

While much attention often focuses on major incidents, many women say the psychological burden is also carried through smaller daily interactions – the constant assessing of tone, distance, body language, and potential escalation.

The emotional toll of that vigilance is difficult to quantify because it often becomes invisible, even to the women performing it.

Behaviours that can appear antisocial on the surface are, for many women, protective reflexes built through lived experience.

Importantly, many men in the discussion responded with empathy rather than defensiveness.

One commenter acknowledged the sadness of the situation while still understanding it completely.

‘It’s definitely a bummer when you know you aren’t actually a threat and you’re trying to just be pleasant to a stranger,’ he wrote.

‘But I don’t hold that against women. I hold it against the men who forced them to act that way for their own safety.’