All my friends secretly take these ADHD drugs and swear they’re life-changing… but ignore a shocking sex side effect: DEAR JANE

Dear Jane,

I struggle with efficiency.

I have moments when I’m incredibly focused and ready to take on the day but, more often than not, I work at a snail’s pace and know that my work has slipped due to my lack of focus. I’ve been put on a performance plan at work as a result.

I’ve tried everything – getting more sleep, drinking more coffee, wearing noise cancelling headphones – to no avail. Nothing will help me focus and my mind always feels like it is somewhere else.

But my friends, it seems, have found a solution.

We were at dinner the other night and, as I was telling them about my struggle, they revealed they were all taking some sort of ADHD medication – Ritalin, Vyvanse, Adderall, you name it they were on it.

Not a high dose, of course, just a little something to keep them focused.

They told me I should try it, that it will ‘change my life,’ and one even gave me a pill to take the next day at work.

I thanked her and put it in my purse, the whole way home thinking about the little pill in the bottom of my bag.

I’ve always told myself that I wouldn’t rely on medication to excel and am worried about what it might do to me if I don’t really need it.

A quick internet search also revealed that it can have devastating effects on people’s relationships – that it can completely change personalities and moods. The thought of it ruining my marriage is sickening.

At the same time, I desperately want to do better at my job. If this is the only thing that will work, perhaps it’s worth the risk.

What do I do?

Sincerely,

Last Resort

Dear Last Resort,

It seems that everyone these days has some sort of attention-span issue. 

I have lost count of the number of women I come across who are newly diagnosed with ADHD. 

Perhaps it’s environmental, our attention spans reduced because of technology and social media, so used to flicking, scrolling, never fully immersing ourselves in anything, perhaps it’s something else. Either way, you are not alone.

I understand your aversion to medication, but I think the important thing here is not to self-medicate, and certainly not to try pills your friends give you. It sounds like your attention issues are impacting you in a negative way and you need to go and see a professional.

The wrong dosage of these medications can have devastating effects. I was diagnosed with ADHD around 20 years ago, and put on far too high a dose of stimulants. Initially I felt wonderful, calm, focused, able to achieve far more in a day than I ever had, but after a while I became hugely over-stimulated, stopped sleeping and became somewhat ‘speedy.’

Eventually it led to enormous health issues. I haven’t taken it since, but I miss those early days of feeling calm and focused.

But the right dose, and the right physician, should not lead to that. In fact, if it does start to affect your personal life, the dose, or medication, should be adjusted.

Either way, this is all guesswork. I would recommend finding an ADHD specialist and having a full assessment. Share your concerns, start slowly and keep a journal of all that you are going through, so you can assess as you go and deal with any other issues as they arise.

 

Dear Jane,

I am the worst girlfriend.

I was sitting at home for my boyfriend the other week and had brought my dog with me – just for a few minutes – to check in on his plants.

I turned my back for a second and, before I knew it, my dog had jumped onto the sofa and torn a hole in the quilt that his late grandmother made for him.

Of course, I got my dog down right away and scolded him before assessing the damage, which was, unfortunately, unrepairable.

I was distraught – it was the first time that he entrusted me with this responsibility, and I totally botched it.

In the moment I panicked, folding the blanket to hide the damage and leaving his apartment. He won’t be home for a few more days and I wanted to buy myself some time to decide what to do next.

He’s been texting asking how everything’s going and I’ve just lied, which I feel terrible about.

I’ve considered taking the quilt in for repair, but I’m afraid it might do more damage. I really don’t want to come clean about what’s happened, he’ll never trust me – or my dog – again.

I know it’s the right thing to do, but do I really need to tell him what happened? Can’t I just act like I didn’t know?

Sincerely,

Ruff Situation

Dear Ruff Situation,

I suspect you already know the answer to your question. If you don’t tell your boyfriend the truth, this secret will sit between you, stopping you from ever being able to relax. 

Secrets are a terrible thing in any relationship, sucking the oxygen and honesty, growing bigger and bigger with each passing day.

What’s shameful isn’t what happened and it was neither your fault, nor your intention. The secret is what’s causing the shame. I’m afraid you’re going to have to tell him, but you’re right not to tell him while he’s away. 

You’re also right not to take the quilt for repair. You need to come clean, for your sake as much as anything else, and the best way to do it is face-to-face, once he is home.

You’re imagining he’ll never trust you, or your dog, again. But this is a dog. This isn’t an evil creature who deliberately ruined something important to him, it was an accident. 

Right now you’re projecting all kinds of terrible outcomes, but you don’t know how he will react. A tear in the quilt doesn’t make the quilt less meaningful or less filled with memories and love.  

So put your big girl pants on and tell him what happened, tell him how terrible you feel and, if he is the kind of man you want to be with, he will understand.