A week ago, I had a one-night stand with a gorgeous guy. Now I fear I’ve been seen naked by hundreds of men… ASK JANA

Dear Jana, 

A few weeks ago I had a wild night out and ended up going home with a gorgeous guy I met at a bar. He was charming, we had great chemistry, and one thing led to another. 

The sex was incredible but there was one strange detail I noticed in the heat of the moment – and now I’m totally freaking out.  

He kept his glasses on during the entire hook-up. At first, I figured it was just a quirky preference.

Then last week, I saw a post online about Meta glasses – the ones that can record video without anyone noticing. Now I can’t stop thinking about it… the idea he might’ve been filming me without my consent makes me feel sick.

I don’t have any way of contacting him, and I can’t prove anything, but I can’t get the thought out of my head. 

How do I cope with the paranoia? And is this a sign that casual hook-ups are just too risky now that technology can be used against you?

Candid Camera.

Dear Candid Camera.

This is the modern-day casual sex nightmare: tech that can turn a cheeky fling into a potential crime scene.

Here are the facts: Meta’s Ray-Ban glasses do have recording functions, and while they’re supposed to flash a little light when filming, blink and you’ll miss it. 

Privacy experts have already warned they make covert recording far too easy. Scary stuff.

I’ve done a deep dive into your legal rights. In Australia, each state has its own Surveillance Devices Act, but the bottom line is the same: secretly recording someone in a sexual context is a no-go. 

So what can you do?

Save any details you have: his name, number, messages, the address where you hooked up.

Write down dates and times you noticed anything odd – even the colour of his car if you remember it.

Report it if your gut says something’s off. Police take secret filming seriously these days, and even a suspicion can be logged.

Keep an eye online: if anything ever surfaces, report it immediately. Social platforms now pull down intimate images shared without consent very quickly.

And – this part is for your peace of mind – just because he wore glasses doesn’t mean he was definitely recording. They might have been prescription lenses and nothing more. But your paranoia is understandable, and you’re not crazy for feeling rattled.

If this whole experience has left you shaken, talk it out with someone you trust, or get support from a sexual assault service. Moving forward, set your rules: no phones or gadgets in the bedroom. 

Yes, casual hookups are riskier in the age of spy-tech. But the law is on your side if someone crosses that line.

Dear Jana, 

I’m going through a bitter divorce and it feels like my soon-to-be ex just can’t let go. He already has a new girlfriend (younger, of course) yet I keep catching glimpses of what I’m convinced is a private investigator tailing me.

First, I noticed the same man in a grey car parked near my house on more than one occasion. Then, when I went out for drinks with girlfriends, he popped up again outside the bar. I brushed it off as paranoia until last week when I was walking home from Pilates and I saw him following me on foot.

It might be about jealousy: my ex was always controlling and the thought of me moving on would eat him alive. But he also might be trying to dig up dirt to use against me in the divorce settlement. 

Maybe he wants proof I’m dating so he can wriggle out of paying spousal support?

Either way, I feel like my privacy has been invaded. Am I legally allowed to find out if he’s actually hired a PI? 

And if so, do I have any right to tell him to back off before I lose my mind? 

PI Paranoia

Dear PI Paranoia,

I should probably be shocked by this question but I actually know two people who have been followed by PIs during their divorces. 

Turns out a little money spent on a PI can save you a lot in divorce court.

So your dread is not dramatic. It’s perfectly reasonable. 

First, breathe. Then make the creeping paranoia work for you in a grown up way. If somebody is watching you, the smartest move is to become a terrible mystery to them. Change simple routines. Vary the shops you use. Don’t take the same route to Pilates every time. Use different cafés. 

If the weirdo who took this job wants something juicy, they’re really going to have to work for it.

Second, be methodical. Write down every time you see the same car or the same man. Note dates, times, rego numbers, descriptions of the vehicle and the person. If you can, get photos from a discreet distance. 

If there is CCTV on the street or on the venue, note that too. These details are the currency of any later complaint.

Third, do not confront him. If it is a PI, they are doing a job and will be prepared to talk their way out of it (I’m sure they’ve done it plenty of times before.) Let the paper trail do the talking.

Fourth, call your solicitor. A good family lawyer can issue a letter demanding the surveillance stop, or apply to the court for urgent directions. 

If the stalking is about trying to manufacture evidence for the settlement, your solicitor can make enquiries to see if one is indeed following you and if they are, make strategic moves to prevent that evidence being used against you. 

If you don’t have a lawyer yet, get one. Now.

You can also go to the police. If someone is following you in a way that feels threatening, or if they photograph you in private moments, that can be a criminal matter. Take your log of evidence to the police. 

Even if the police don’t immediately investigate, a record is useful. 

Finally, emotionally, you are allowed to be furious, and a little scared. Keep your dignity by being strategic. Let the law and your lawyer handle the rest. 

And when this is over, book yourself a weekend that is entirely your own, preferably with a good hotel and a bottle of wine. 

Divorces really do bring out the worst in people.

Dear Jana, 

I’m 39 and lately I’ve started to wonder if I’m one of those so-called Peter Pan men who will just never grow up. I’ve never been married, don’t have kids, and still find myself living for nights out, flings, and weekends away with the boys. 

On the surface it looks fun, but underneath I’m starting to feel anxious that I’ll never be able to settle down.

My friends have all paired off, and when I show up to barbecues or birthdays alone I feel like I’ve become the running joke. My mum constantly asks when she’s getting grandchildren, and even my mates tease me about being ‘the eternal bachelor.’

The truth is, I’ve tried dating seriously but the idea of committing to one woman feels like a life sentence I can’t quite sign up for. At the same time, I don’t want to be the odd man out forever. 

Am I doomed to stay like this? How do I know if I’m really a Peter Pan, or just not ready yet?

Eternal Bachelor

Dear Eternal Bachelor,

Umm, have we dated? Because this letter sounds alarmingly familiar. I’ll admit, I know exactly how you feel. I sometimes wonder if I’ve got a touch of the Peter Pans as well. 

I float through life with a cocktail in one hand and an escape plan in the other, never quite landing in the sensible grown-up world where everyone else seems to have mortgages, matching dinner sets, and children named after trees.

But here’s the thing: being a Peter Pan is not really about age, or even lifestyle. It’s about avoidance. Yes, my friend. Like me, you’re what a psychologist would term an ‘anxious avoidant.’ 

You’ve managed to dodge the difficult bit of adulthood – the boring, occasionally terrifying work of committing. Nights out and flings are easy. Choosing someone and sticking around when the novelty wears off is hard. 

Now you’re being called out for it.  

So, are you doomed? No. You’re just at the point where your brain is catching up with your heart. You’ve had the fun, and now you’re asking bigger questions – which is what grown-ups do. Bravo you. The fact you’re even writing this shows you want more. 

My advice is this: Stop treating commitment like a prison sentence and start treating it like a project. You don’t have to marry the first woman you swipe right on, but you do have to practise showing up for someone else, even when it’s inconvenient. 

Think of it as the emotional equivalent of going to the gym: awkward and sweaty at first, but it gets easier, and eventually you can do more than you ever thought possible. 

If all else fails, remember this: Tinkerbell only sticks around for so long. At some point, you either grow up, or you watch all the magic move on without you. Time to get out of your comfort zone.