Dear Bel,
I feel my whole world has turned into a dystopian nightmare. What prompted me to write was that video made by Dawn French. She put on a babyish, whinging voice to mock the agony Jewish people are going through, and reduced the horrors of October 7, 2023 to ‘a bad thing’.
It was so awful it actually made me cry.
Every day I see celebrities such as Benedict Cumberbatch signing letters of protest saying Israel has no right to defend itself – and, honestly, it’s intolerable. Do they all hate Jews so much?
All sense of security in my life has disappeared. Who I once was has gone. This is being a British Jew today in the UK.
My mother’s family goes back five generations in England and I am a typical Yorkshire lass – and Jewish. Now I feel like a stranger in the only country I’ve ever known. Just because of my DNA.
Old friends start to withdraw, get too busy to see you or just ghost you. Other friends, in all industries, are losing contracts, not been hired, ignored by workmates, abused on social media.
You switch on news reports you know (first-hand) are at best biased and at worse false. Politicians such as David Lammy and many Labour backbenchers clearly hate Israel – which is the Holy land of the Bible and the Torah. Everywhere we Jews are lied about and (even worse) narratives are changed to fit centuries-old lies.
Bel Mooney says: ‘We can all light candles and pray for peace’
I have a friend who is a secondary school teacher. After October 7 she endured daily racial slurs by her students. Her union and the administration didn’t support her, so she felt she had no choice but to leave her job.
I know of two people whose clients have left them as they ‘can’t work with someone who supports that country’. Israel, the elephant in the room for all Jews. Whether we feel connected or not, wherever we live, we are all judged by that.
Worldwide, Jews like me are now realising just how the Holocaust happened. A constant drip of misinformation and prejudice set the groundwork for Kristallnacht and the camps. I still cannot believe that this is happening to us – to me – as British as Les Dawson and Yorkshire pudding. But it is.
Jewish friends constantly discuss where they will go when they have to leave Britain. Where would we be safe? This in 2025 in the UK. I am so afraid, depressed, let down, stateless and terrified for the future – especially for my teenage child.
Apologies Bel, I know there’s nothing you can do, I just needed a friendly face to talk to. I have never felt this low.
Leah
Bel Mooney replies: This is not a political column – nor have you written a political letter.
People can debate the rights and wrongs of Israel’s actions, although – for those with any morality – there’s no debate about the horrific wrongs of October 7, when more than 1,200 men, women and children, including 46 Americans and citizens of more than 30 countries, were slaughtered by Hamas – the largest massacre of Jews since the Holocaust.
There were 251 people abducted, and some are still prisoners in the underground tunnels on which the terrorist organisation spent aid money given to build a better life for Gazans.
The horrors of that day brought terrible war down on Gaza – and responsibility lies squarely with Hamas.
You write from the heart, Leah – and so I will reply from my own heart. You know I can give you no ‘answers’, but perhaps my feelings, frankly expressed, will bring a tiny bit of comfort.
Yes, I watched the unforgivable Dawn French video with disbelief and increasing disgust.
Since then she has posted one of those meaningless ‘apologies’ and removed the awful close-up of her mocking face – but the internet never forgets and she still has the Palestinian flag on her social media profile. No!
Now to hear from you – so heartbreakingly triggered by her callous, careless words – is proof of the damage these ignorant celebs do when they spout anti-Israeli propaganda calculated to curry favour with the liberal-Left sheep. As ignorantly virtue-signalling as usefully idiotic Greta Thunberg.
Countless Jewish citizens of Britain, American and European countries feel as you do.
As a practising Christian and proud patriot, I confess I’ve become obsessed with the issue you raise and feel ashamed that Jewish citizens of this country, which fought Nazi Germany, are forced by anti-Semites to feel so helpless, so miserable, so afraid.
What have we come to that every weekend angry protesters are allowed, by British police, to parade the streets shouting violent slogans which have terrified Jewish people?
History has shown us, most horribly, where anti-Semitism leads, and I fear that some of those people will be the same type as those who herded Jews on to cattle trucks.
It’s deeply upsetting, and I understand your fears. But please, when you sit down with your fellow Jews, sharing understandable anxiety, I beg you not to encourage each other in fear.
Anger is just fine, but please remind each other that there are plenty of decent people in Britain and across Europe who, like me, know history all too well and would fight to support the brilliant and brave Jewish people. Please stand tall. Tensions in the region have escalated in the past few days. But I believe Israel, the only democracy in the region, is the vital bulwark standing against forces that would destroy the great Judeo-Christian tradition which is the basis of our Western civilisation.
Some readers will agree with me, others will not – but no matter. This is personal… my hug of solidarity for you.
Meanwhile, we can all light candles to pray for peace.
Bel Mooney writes that she understands Leah’s fears and extends a hug of solidarity
Why am I so desolate after breaking free?
Dear Bel,
In two weeks’ time I shall reach the age of 60 – and it is the worst time for me.
Ten years into my second marriage I have started separation/divorce proceedings because my husband is a drunk. I’ve tried to help him for at least six years. I’ve played bad cop and good cop, but nothing worked.
He has lost five jobs – never his fault, of course! He ruined birthdays, holidays and Christmas Day. I’ve had enough. But I was still shocked that within four weeks of me starting legal processes he started seeing an old school friend of mine.
One night he came round, begged me for another chance, then attacked me when I said ‘no’. Now bail conditions don’t allow him to be near but he keeps sending aggressive emails to my lawyer.
My problem is that he is posting his love for this person all over social media – 12 weeks into our break-up.
I’m devastated by his disrespect for me and for our families. I don’t want him, but I’m still devastated that a relationship which lasted 13 years in all ended so badly. He did not love me enough to change his ways. I think he is a narcissist, but how do I move on? I’m so desolate and long for the pain to lessen.
Freda
Bel Mooney replies: The last paragraph of your email presented an interesting twist. Having read what came before, and thinking you must be glad to be rid of this man, I went on to read of your devastation – which is surely another way of saying ‘heartbreak’.
You say you don’t want him – but still you are ‘devastated’ about the new relationship and (adding insult to injury) his posts about it on social media.
Such mixed-up feelings are common at the end of a long relationship. Inevitably you must have invested much emotion and many hopes in the second marriage, after the failure of the first – about which you give me no details.
Nor do you give any indication of whether you ever had any inkling of your husband’s drink problems when you were first together. Obviously things developed to a crisis and I can easily imagine how his aggressive behaviour while drunk was a torture to experience and witness. You are surely well rid of a man who should come with a health warning.
Now all that should concern you is making sure he stays within the bail conditions and working towards that divorce, with full speed ahead.
It’s all too human to hanker after hopes you once had – failed expectations now fuelling this ‘desolation’.
On the other hand, it worries me that you are letting feelings which border on the sentimental to ruin the new life you need to be forging for yourself.
Look, relationships do ‘end badly’. Selfish and weak people never love their partners ‘enough to change their ways’. And I’m convinced you will be able to ‘move on’ only if and when you accept this cold blast of realism from me.
So he is with a new partner. It’s one of the tough facts of modern life that single men past their prime find it much easier to pick up a new partner than women at the same stage. I know so many terrific single women, from 40 up to 80 – yet no single men at all. I suspect you feel especially perturbed at the moment because you are about to reach a significant birthday. Again that’s perfectly normal. But don’t worry!
Embrace entering your 60s and living life for yourself, not for some useless drunk who would have continued to ruin your life had you not found the courage to call time on the marriage. Pity his new woman – and celebrate your freedom.
And finally… 50-year-old tragedy that inspired hope
A week ago, at the beautiful National Memorial Arboretum in Staffordshire, the annual Garden Day of celebration and remembrance for ‘my’ charity Sands – the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society was held.
This year, for the first time, I had (as founder-patron) an award actually named after me – and it was such an honour and delight to present three of the beautifully designed wood-and-perspex star trophies to volunteers who have worked hard in raising awareness. I was so proud.
It’s amazing to think that after one ground-breaking article in a national newspaper this charity (offering support as well as campaigning) should have grown so huge.
You see, I was the first person ever to write down in the national press what it felt like to give birth to a dead baby, at a time when the medical profession was useless on the subject. That was in January 1976, and by 1978 Hazelanne Lewis and I had founded the Stillbirth Association.
Now there are support groups all over Britain, there’s a dads’ football league, memorial events are held, and (this very important) the Department of Health is lobbied hard. Much more, too.
There’s an all-Parliamentary Group on baby loss, and the amount of outreach work and training done by this charity is incredible (please donate at: sands.org.uk/get-involved/donate-sands).
The Sands vision is for a world where far fewer babies die; and when a baby does die, those affected get the best possible care and support.
For me, last Saturday was immensely uplifting. I felt my life has been worthwhile – and that journalism can be useful and change things.
It so happens the baby son who never drew breath would have turned 50 this autumn. His little life did much good, too.
Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 9 Derry Street, London W8 5HY, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.
