Dear Vanessa,
I recently received a large inheritance from my godfather who passed away unexpectedly. He was very private and had no children, and I was incredibly close to him growing up. He left me over a million dollars.
But I have a problem – I haven’t told anyone the full story. My partner knows I received something, but not how much. My siblings don’t know at all, and neither do my friends. I feel guilty and I’m anxious about someone finding out.
It’s changed how I see people – when someone complains about money, I feel uncomfortable. I want to help, but I’m scared of being taken advantage of, or of it changing the dynamic.
I also have no idea what I’m doing financially. I haven’t touched the money, but I’m scared that I’ll mess it up or waste this opportunity.
I’m 58 and still working. Should I retire early? Invest? Give some away? I thought having money would make me feel secure, but instead I feel alone and confused.
What should I do?
Anonymous.
Leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your honesty – what you’re feeling is far more common than people realise. In fact, I see this situation often enough that I call it The Secret Windfall Syndrome: when someone inherits wealth but feels they can’t talk about it, don’t know what to do with it, and feel weighed down instead of relieved.
You’re managing three big emotional pressures: guilt, indecision, and fear of how people around you might react. But there is a way through this, and it starts with creating structure. I use a simple decision-making framework called the SAFE Method, designed to help people in exactly your position.
S – Seek Professional Advice
Before telling anyone in your life, quietly speak to a licensed financial adviser. A good adviser will help you map out your options and priorities and bring some calm and logic to what feels overwhelming. You don’t need to make any big announcements before you have clarity.
A – Allocate Into Three Buckets
Give the money a job. I suggest three purpose-based categories:
• Freedom Fund: to help you cut back work or retire early, if that’s what you want.
• Future Security: invested wisely, this ensures your long-term stability.
• Flex Fund: a capped amount for helping others or enjoying some of the money – without guilt or obligation.
F – Freeze Major Decisions
Don’t rush into quitting your job, buying property, or giving money away. Give yourself 90 days. Let things settle emotionally so you’re not reacting but choosing.
E – Establish Disclosure Boundaries
You don’t have to tell everyone everything. In time, you might share more with your partner or family, but that can happen on your terms, once you feel confident and secure in your decisions.
You’ve done nothing wrong. This money was given to you with love and intention – your job is to honour it by using it wisely. That might take time, and that’s okay.
If you need help finding the right adviser, I’ve put together a free tool that can point you in the right direction.
Good luck – and remember, this is happy news. Let yourself feel that too.
Vanessa.
