Parenting expert details the popular strategies that she would NEVER use… from allowance to time out

A parenting expert has shared the five popular methods that she’d never use with her own kids… from giving them allowance to sending them to time-out. 

Amy McCready, a mom-of-two who has been a parenting educator for over 15 years and is the author of two best-selling parenting books, recently spoke to the Today show about the often-used strategies by moms and dads that she believes may be doing more harm than good for kids.

She explained that despite the methods being used in thousands of homes across the globe, she has found that they are actually ‘not helpful’ at all when it comes to the development of your child.

‘These are the well-meaning but not-super-helpful parenting strategies I’ve worked to avoid in my home, and that I advise other parents to avoid as well,’ she said.

‘Of course, nobody’s perfect, but if you can keep these to a minimum, you’ll be better off in the long run.’

Here are the five common parenting practices that she believes all moms and dads should avoid.

Giving kids allowance in exchange for them completing chores 

First, Amy advised against ever giving your child money in exchange for doing chores, as she said it might be ‘harming their work ethic’ in the long run.

‘Under this type of system, kids grow up thinking that the only reason to complete a less-than-desirable task is for a reward,’ she explained.

‘The payout becomes an external motivator, when really we want to develop internal motivation in our kids stemming from a sense of goodwill, responsibility and perseverance.’

Amy pointed out that kids will be more excited and willing to help out if they see chores as ‘team work’ and a ‘valuable contribution to the family’ rather than a ‘transaction.’ 

She added, ‘Payment creates a system of entitlement that you don’t want in your home.’ 

Putting kids in time-out when they misbehave 

Amy explained that while putting a child in time-out if they cause trouble is an extremely ‘popular’ strategy, she believes it doesn’t actually teach them to ‘correct the problem.’

‘The goal of any discipline technique should be training for better behavior while preserving a strong emotional attachment between parent and child,’ shared the expert.

‘Simply putting kids in a corner or on the naughty chair does nothing to correct the problem. 

‘Instead, it erodes a sense of connection and creates a power struggle that can lead to anger and exhaustion as the parent tries to physically keep a child in time-out.’

She said time-outs often make kids think they’re ‘bad,’ which will become their focus rather than what they actually did wrong.

‘They’ll act on that label instead of learning better behavior,’ she added.

‘Kids actually learn best when they maintain a secure emotional connection with a parent. 

‘When a child is misbehaving, it’s much more effective to be present in the moment, to help them calm their body and emotions, and teach them the correct behavior to use in the future.’

Labeling a child – even if it’s a compliment 

Amy pointed out that parents often give their kids labels like ‘the smart one, the good helper, or the troublemaker.’ 

But she said these could be extremely damaging – even the positive ones – because they could ‘set up a comparison or competition between kids.’

‘When we label one child as ‘the athletic one,’ everyone else sees themselves as not very athletic,’ she said.

‘When we always ask our “helper” to pitch in, we rob our other kids of the opportunity to become better at helping and get the boost of confidence that comes from being needed.’

She added that labels ‘pigeonhole kids’ and could ‘discourage’ them from trying new things.

‘Finally, labels take the emphasis off of things like hard work, dedication and teamwork that actually produce the positive result (earning a good grade, scoring goals, etc.) in the first place,’ shared Amy.

Telling a child they have to finish their entire meal to get dessert 

Amy warned against using desserts as a bribe or telling kids they have to finish their entire plate of food before they get a sweet treat.

She explained that sugary foods should be looked at in the same way as all other types of food as to not create unhealthy eating habits.

‘Any type of coerced feeding – whether that’s using bargaining, punishment, or any other method – is grounds for a mealtime power struggle that benefits no one,’ she said. 

‘It takes the focus off fostering healthy eating habits and instead creates tension between parent and child.

‘It also sets dessert up as the “reward” for eating the “less-desirable” food, like vegetables – not exactly the mindset we want our kids to grow up with.’

Using spanking as a punishment

Amy said she would never resort to spanking a child, and warned that it could encourage aggression and fracture your relationship.

‘Research has shown that even the most well-intentioned swats can raise levels of aggression, encourage lying to avoid punishment, and erode the parent-child relationship,’ she said.

She said hitting could ‘pit’ your child against you, adding, ‘They’re in fight or flight mode, and definitely not open to learning positive behaviors for next time.’

In the end, the parenting expert reminded moms and dads that ‘no one is perfect.’ 

‘But making a conscious effort to avoid these unhelpful strategies will go a long way toward raising the amazingly imperfect kids you love so much,’ she concluded.