SNL’s Trump sells gold-framed Epstein files for $800 in cold open sketch: ‘Makes a great stocking stuffer’
Saturday Night Live mocked the Trump administration’s ongoing attempts to downplay the Jeffrey Epstein scandal in a cold open sketch featuring the president denying he ever really knew Epstein just before offering to sell the Epstein files for $800 as a “stocking stuffer.”
“Jeffrey Epstein, I barely knew the guy, as evidenced by the thousands of pictures of us together dancing and grinding our teeth at various parties, always leering and pointing at something just off camera, probably a book we’re excited to read,” Trump, played by James Austin Johnson, tells reporters in the White House briefing room.
Elsewhere in the sketch, Trump trips over his words trying to explain his administration’s ever-changing stance on the Epstein scandal, which has seen the White House go from promising deep transparency and document releases to federal officials announcing this summer that further investigations and disclosures would not be warranted.
“If there were something incriminating about me in the files, then why would I cover them up?” Johnson’s Trump asks.
“I am hiding almost nothing, just enough to make it extremely suspicious,” he says in response to another question.
Asked bout an email in which Trump is described as “the dog that hasn’t barked,” SNL’s Trump replies “I’m not a dog, I’m more of a cub or possibly an otter.”
“Not a twink,” he said. “Maybe a twunk.”
And asked to explain how he can say that he both kicked Epstein out from his Mar-a-Lago club while also saying he was never a member, a stumped Trump got metaphysical.
“Yeah, I said I kicked Jeffrey out because he was a pedophile, but then I also said I didn’t know he did anything wrong,” Johnson’s Trump said. “So it’s kind of hard to square that circle until you realize that Trump exists across many timelines. It’s the Trump multiverse theory. We just happen to be living in the worst possible one.”
The sketch also featured Ashley Padilla playing White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt, who references the unorthodox interview that imprisoned Epstein associate Ghislaine Maxwell gave in July to Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, Trump’s former criminal defense lawyer.
Maxwell is now reportedly planning to seek a commutation of her federal prison sentence, which itself is under scrutiny after she was moved to a lower-security facility unexpectedly.
“Ghislaine Maxwell said in a sworn deposition she gave to Trump’s friend that Trump always acted like a gentleman, and a little thing about me: I believe women,” SNL’s Leavitt says.
Beyond the SNL studio, the Trump administration has been dealing with Epstein-related pressure all week.
On Wednesday, Democratic members of the House Oversight Committee released a series of previously undisclosed emails where Epstein claimed Trump had knowledge of his activities, including that he “knew about the girls” and was the “dog that hasn’t barked.”
