What is vaginismus? The little-known condition making sex unbearable for thousands… including some of the stars of Channel 4’s Virgin Island

Thousands of women are silently suffering from a little–known condition that can make sex, tampon use and even smear tests agonising – or impossible.

Known as vaginismus, the disorder causes the pelvic floor muscles to involuntarily tighten, leaving some women unable to tolerate any form of penetration.

Now, celebrities including Meghan Trainor, as well as storylines in hit Netflix series Sex Education and Unorthodox, are helping to raise awareness of the condition. 

And Channel 4’s Virgin Island has thrust the issue back into the spotlight, with 22–year–old Joy candidly revealing how shame and anxiety left her unable to have sex.

In the programme’s first episode, Joy says: ‘The moment I realised I had vaginismus, it was like this whole idea of a sector of my life that could be closed up. I can’t wear a tampon, I can’t do a pap smear, and I definitely can’t have sex. It’s so hard.’

Experts say her experience is far from rare. While vaginismus itself is thought to affect fewer women, studies suggest up to one in ten women experience pain during penetrative sex, with the true figure likely far higher due to underreporting.

‘Many women never present to a GP. Those who do are sometimes told to relax more, have a glass of wine, or try harder – and they leave without a diagnosis,’ says psychosexual health expert Dr Wafaa Eltantawy.

‘Others have never even heard the word vaginismus, so they don’t know what to call what they’re experiencing.’

With this in mind, we asked some of the country’s top experts why vaginismus is such a taboo topic – and how to get help if you think you may be experiencing it.

More than just painful sex 

Vaginismus exists on a broad spectrum, ranging from mild discomfort during intercourse or tampon use to a complete inability to allow any insertion.

‘Some people can use a tampon but struggle with penetrative sex, while others can’t insert anything at all,’ says Caitlin Perett, a women’s health osteopath specialising in vaginismus for Mummy’s Physio in London.

‘If penetration consistently feels blocked, painful or impossible, whether that’s tampons, fingers, sex or medical exams, then they may be experiencing vaginismus.’

For many, it can feel as though their body is involuntarily ‘shutting down’ against penetration.

This tightening can cause the vagina to spasm or feel as though it is ‘closing up’ during penetration – making sex, tampon use and pelvic exams extremely painful or even impossible.

For many people, their first experience comes when trying to insert a tampon, often described as feeling like hitting a wall or causing a burning sensation.

Psychosexual and relationship therapist and gynaecologist Dr Eltantawy tells the Daily Mail: ‘We live in a world that is arguably more sexually open than ever before – yet vaginismus remains one of the last great unspoken conditions. 

‘I think that’s because it sits at a deeply uncomfortable intersection: sex, pain, and shame. 

‘Many of my clients waited years before telling anyone – including their own GP – because they felt broken, defective, or somehow to blame.

‘What I always want my clients to understand is this: the muscle spasm is not deliberate. The body is not betraying them. It is trying to protect them. That reframe alone can be profoundly healing.

‘There is also a cultural narrative that sex should be effortless and natural for women. When it isn’t, many women internalise that as a personal failure rather than recognising it as a medical condition with real, treatable causes. 

‘We don’t hesitate to talk about endometriosis or PCOS openly now – vaginismus deserves the same conversation.’

What causes vaginismus?  

Dr Eltantawy, who has led the Psychosexual Clinic at her NHS trust for the past 10 years, explains that vaginismus can rarely be pinpointed to one cause – instead, forming a ‘complex web of physical, psychological, and relational factors, often intertwined’.

Common triggers include past trauma, including sexual assault, abuse, or even a previously painful gynaecological examination.

‘If someone has had a painful experience, whether that’s their first tampon, a smear test or sex, the brain can start to associate penetration with pain,’ adds Ms Perett.

‘Over time, that response becomes embedded, and the body automatically tightens to protect itself.

‘If intimacy feels unknown or frightening, or there’s limited understanding of the body, that can create barriers too.’

There can also be medical causes such as skin conditions, hormonal changes around menopause, or post–surgical scarring.

Cultural or religious influences can also play a role, particularly where sex is not openly discussed.

A cycle of shame 

The condition can take a heavy emotional toll – affecting confidence, relationships and even whether women feel able to date at all.

Some begin to fear intimacy altogether.

‘A lot of women feel shame or embarrassment, so they delay seeking help,’ Ms Perett says. 

‘Some avoid dating altogether or struggle to talk to partners because they don’t want to face awkward conversations or disappointment.

‘That creates a cycle where people feel embarrassed to talk about it, which only reinforces the silence.’

Dr Eltantawy adds: ‘The mental health toll of vaginismus is something I wish received far more attention.

‘Women with vaginismus frequently experience depression, chronic low self–worth, and a pervasive sense of being less than. 

‘They may feel they are failing their partner, failing at womanhood, failing at something that seems to come so naturally to everyone else.

‘Relationships can fracture under the weight of unaddressed vaginismus – not because of lack of love, but because of lack of language, understanding, and support. Partners sometimes feel rejected, confused, or helpless. 

‘Without open communication and professional guidance, resentment can build on both sides.

‘But I have also witnessed vaginismus become, in some relationships, a profound catalyst for deeper intimacy. 

‘When couples go through this journey together – building trust, learning to communicate about desire and boundaries, discovering that connection is far broader than penetrative sex – they often emerge closer than they have ever been.

‘The condition does not define a woman’s worth, her femininity, or her capacity for love and intimacy. I say that to every single client who walks through my door.’

Can vaginismus be cured?  

Vaginismus is not a permanent physical abnormality, but rather an involuntary muscle response, meaning with consistent, structured treatment, most individuals achieve pain–free or nearly pain–free penetration.

‘The good news – and I cannot stress this enough – is that vaginismus is highly treatable,’ says Dr Eltantawy.

‘With the right support, the majority of women can achieve full recovery.’

Vaginismus is usually diagnosed after a GP rules out other conditions, such as infections, with patients then referred to specialists.

Treatment can include pelvic health therapy, breathing techniques, psychosexual therapy and vaginal dilator therapy – sometimes called progressive desensitisation.

This involves using a graduated set of smooth medical devices to gently and gradually retrain the body’s response. This is done entirely at the woman’s own pace and is never about ‘forcing’ anything.

‘Treatment is most effective when it addresses both body and mind simultaneously,’ says Dr Eltantawy.

‘Psychosexual therapy is the cornerstone. This involves unpacking the beliefs, fears, and experiences that underlie the physical response – often in a safe, non–judgmental therapeutic space. 

‘Sometimes couples therapy runs alongside individual work, because partners need support and understanding too.

‘Outcomes are genuinely encouraging. Studies report success rates of 80–90 per cent with an integrated approach. 

‘The key is finding a therapist who understands that this is not simply ‘in the mind,’ nor simply ‘in the body’ – it is both, always.’  

Ms Perett adds that greater awareness could make a major difference to ensuring more women get diagnosed and treated.

‘Symptoms can sometimes be dismissed or downplayed, particularly when they’re linked to sex, and people may be told it’s just nerves or inexperience,’ she says. 

‘As a result, they’re not always directed towards the right support, whether that’s women’s health physiotherapy, psychosexual therapy or breathwork.

‘If people understood this condition is both common and treatable, it would have a huge impact,’ says Ms Perett.