Lesbian couple who are first in UK to give birth to each other’s sons say finding a sperm donor was like ‘using Tinder’

A lesbian couple who gave birth to each other’s sons have said looking for a sperm donor was like ‘using Tinder’.

Emily Patrick, 38, a creative producer, and Kerry Osborn, 35, a school teacher, from Gosport, Hampshire, had two sons named Elvis and Ezra,  who were born to the couple via IVF.

It’s the first time the procedure, known as simultaneous reciprocal IVF, has been attempted in the UK.  

Elvis was created from Kerry’s egg which was fertilised and implanted in Emily’s womb,  and Ezra was created from Emily’s egg and implanted in Kerry.

Speaking on Lorraine this morning, the couple said they decided to do it this way so they could feel a special bond with each other’s children and revealed they wanted the biological father of their babies to ‘look like them’. 

The women used the same sperm donor, an American man with Dutch and German heritage, meaning their sons are biologically half-brothers.  

Emily said: ‘We decided to do it this way, we’d never heard of anyone doing it this way, we just thought it would be really lovely to share each other’s journey, being pregnant at the same time.

‘And even though we are not genetically connected to the other child, we still share that bond.’

Elvis was born naturally on New Year’s Day weighing 8lbs. Ezra arrived by emergency Caesarean section on February 28th weighing 7lbs 1 ozs. 

The procedure cost the pair £25,000 and is currently not available on the NHS. 

The duo also opened up about their experiences of the sperm donor process, adding that it was like ‘Tinder.’

‘You get minimal information about them and there’s lots of donors but you’ve got different traits for each one of them,’ Emily said. 

‘We wanted a donor that looked very similar to us.’

Kerry added that the most important thing for the couple was to find a healthy donor who had a good background. 

‘It’s important that you know your biology and [our children] are going to have questions and we’re more than happy to answer them but we hope to get in there a bit before they’ve got to ask.

‘One of the things that the donor said on their profile was that he was happy to discuss their biology with them.’

Emily added: ‘We’ll always support them on whatever path they want to take to find where they came from 

Kerry also revealed that things were not all smooth sailing, as Emily had a few issues with endometrial polyps, a uterine cavity abnormality that can interfere with embryo implantation.

‘We assumed we were healthy [but] Emily had a few problems with polyps and other things as well and that took a little bit longer,’ she said. 

When asked whether they were planning on having any more children, the couple said they one each is enough for them, adding that their family is now complete. 

Kerry and Emily are also hoping  to travel back to New Zealand later this year with their two sons, which where the couple first met.

Kerry advised others who may be in their position: ‘Just don’t hesitate. The process is long but you can pause it in all different parts. You don’t know what’s going to crop up.

‘Get the ball rolling, there’s plenty of time to freeze it and pause it at any stage.’

Speaking last year to the Mail on Sunday, Kerry said: ‘There was no great ceremony, it was a Thursday night and we started swiping through sperm banks. The problem is that once you start, you can’t stop, there is so much choice. We chose a man about our own age who had two children and was donating for altruistic reasons – there were people in his family struggling with infertility and he wanted to help others.’

The couple were able to inspect his handwriting, as well as a picture of him aged about eight, and listened to a recording of his voice.

‘We know what he does for a living, his hobbies, his likes and dislikes, and his family history back to his grandfather’s generation,’ says Kerry. ‘We even know he has long limbs and high cheekbones!

‘In short, we know enough to be able to tell our sons what traits they have inherited from their father.’

Making the final selection was, Kerry admits, ‘incredibly hard’.

‘You are not doing it for yourself,’ she explains, ‘you are doing it for your children and their future. We wanted a donor who looked a little like both of us – but his health was our greatest concern.’

Emily added: ‘We wanted a family in which we both felt deeply physically and emotionally connected to each other’s babies,’ says Emily. ‘There wasn’t a blueprint for this but it made sense to us’

‘With a straight couple both parents share in the creation of their child. We can’t do that. But we can be equal mothers to both sons. They’ll have the same father and we will be their mothers in different but equally profound and loving ways.

‘Beforehand we wondered if we’d ever think about the fact that the baby we are carrying is not our own biological child. 

‘But it’s such a physical and emotional experience feeling a child grow inside you, that there’s no way in which it’s not ‘yours’.’

Kerry added: ‘We recognise that even a few years ago, this kind of reciprocal IVF wouldn’t have been an option. It was much harder to be gay parents. It says a lot about how far opinions have evolved that not only can we do this, but that so many people from the LGBTQ+ community are now following our progress and thinking about doing it too.

‘We don’t feel like pioneers, but I hope that in some sense we are and that one day soon this will be considered normal.

‘The only people I was anxious about telling were my grandparents, and all they can think about is how they’re going to be great-grandparents to not one but two babies in the space of eight weeks.’

The pair met in January 2017 on site Tinder. Emily was working in New Zealand having been there for a decade and Kerry was visiting.

Though in the same country, they were too far apart to meet in person but began an old-fashioned, long-distance courtship, corresponding for four months before they finally met. The first meeting included Emily down on one knee holding a sweetie in the shape of a ring and Kerry clutching a bottle of champagne.

They have been together ever since, travelling extensively around South East Asia and New Zealand before settling in Gosport a year ago. Now their extraordinary shared pregnancies have put the seal on a love story six years in the making.