Gather Round? More like Blather Round

* That Gather Round somehow promotes and builds the game. Where and to whom? SA is arguably the most parochial footy state of all. Propagation of the faith was supposed to be the rationale for Gather Round, remember, until SA swooped. It is doubtful that Gather Round in Adelaide has won a single convert.

We’re told that 38 per cent of the tickets were brought by visitors from interstate, that is, a fairly select group of people who would have gone to the footy anyway and had time, money and wherewithal to go to Adelaide to the footy. They’re not Sauls and Adelaide is not Damascus.

If Gather Round really was to spread the faith, it would be on the still hostile hinterland in the north – again – or in Tasmania, where the faith has been sorely tried, not to the converted.

* That the sold-out grounds were a marvel. Since every team was there, and a welter of fans, and only one ground held more than 10,000 people, it would have been a disgrace if they were not sold out.

At a time when the AFL thumps its chest about record crowds and bursting membership lists, fewer people than ever were able to get to the footy last weekend. Where was the net gain, except to the SA economy?

And don’t @ me that Gather Round is an extra round and so should be seen by fans as a bonus. It was part of the fixture, round five, matches played for premiership points, counting for ladder position. For the fans who weren’t and couldn’t be there – that is, most – it wasn’t a game that they would not have seen anyway, it was a game they could not and did not see.

* That staging footy back on cute little suburban and country grounds all of a sudden was a good thing again, except in Tasmania, where it can, and must, only ever be played in a brand-new stadium with a roof. Last week’s vice suddenly was this week’s virtue.

* That everyone was having a jolly good time. Of course, they were; they were on holidays. They had the means to have a good time, or they were in the vast official party, sipping the chablis and washing it down with Kool Aid. Did we mention wineries?

In Gather Round, fewer people get to go to the footy than in any other week of the season, but those who did got to drink medal-winning wine, as seen on TV, ad nauseam.

Malinauskas says SA will continue to beef up Gather Round, and now there are rumblings about more gatherings in other states. That’s terrific for some.

AFL chairman Richard Goyder exercised his talent for being out of touch with almost everyone by saying Gather Round would become a FOMO phenomenon.

The whole thing is predicated on COMO: the certainty of missing out. You know, like when flying Qantas in his time.

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To all who went, Gather Round doubtlessly was the experience of a lifetime.

To everyone else, it wasn’t even another weekend at the footy because there wasn’t any footy.

All that’s left now is for us to un-ram our throats and get back to the cost-of-living crisis. Only then will we be done with blather round.

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