A single, humiliating insult from my mother shattered what was left of our relationship. I’ll never speak to her again – no matter how many letters she sends: CHLOE BALLATORE

After decades of trying to heal her fractured relationship with her mother, Chloe Ballatore gave up the fight. 

Twelve years ago, she finally decided to put herself and her immediate family first, ending their relationship for good.

It was a long time coming.

‘It was death by a thousand cuts. Everything always had to be done her way. She criticised everything I did and never understood how I felt. To her, feelings weren’t important,’ Chloe, now 56, from Los Angeles, tells me. 

‘I was at her beck and call. Not only was it ruining my marriage, but it was ruining my life, too.’ 

It had been this way since her childhood.

Growing up, Chloe’s parents showed her little affection, and she always felt like the ‘protector’ of her three younger siblings.

‘Home was a war zone and my parents fought a lot. I thought I’d never get married or have kids if this is what it was like. I didn’t know any better. I was really shy up until Year 3, but I had an amazing teacher who brought me out of my shell,’ she says. 

Chloe was relieved to leave home when she went to Princeton University to study law. Later, she moved to the UK, where she met her husband at age 29.

The pair wed three years later and now have four children.

While Chloe’s mother approved of her husband Brent, she was ‘constantly trying to convince him to take her side’ in every situation.

Chloe says her mother was always preoccupied by what other people thought of her, and liked to maintain the appearance of being an upstanding, caring person.

This was easy to pull off, as she was a children’s librarian and volunteered at an abused women’s shelter.

But to those closest to her, says Chloe, her mother lacked emotional depth.

She had been adopted during World War II and was likely traumatised by early childhood neglect as she spent the first nine months of her life in an orphanage.

Chloe says her mother had narcissistic traits, characterised by a need for approval and a superficial approach to relationships.

‘She’s more concerned with how she appears to others than with her children’s actual wellbeing,’ Chloe says. 

In May 2012, Chloe and her family temporarily moved in with her mother while her home was being renovated.

One night, as Chloe walked down the stairs barefoot, she stumbled on the last step, which was uneven and in need of repair.

She twisted her ankle and fell awkwardly, breaking bones in both feet.

‘I screamed and was in so much pain, I saw stars. My husband came rushing down from the bedroom to help and I couldn’t walk,’ Chloe says. 

‘I yelled out to my mother for help but she never came.’ 

When Chloe’s mother did eventually offer assistance, it was just a couple of Advil. She needed a wheelchair for two months.

‘The fact that she left me at the bottom of the stairs jolted me. It was a wake-up call from life which was trying to get my attention,’ Chloe says. 

‘I was really unhappy but, at the time, didn’t know the root cause or how to fix it. It was like the broken step was a metaphor for our relationship: unstable and unpredictable.’ 

When Chloe confronted her mother about why she didn’t rush to her aid, she made an excuse that she thought Chloe and Brent were in the middle of a domestic dispute and didn’t want to interrupt.

After the incident, Chloe decided to seek therapy.

Six months later, she found the courage to tell her mother: ‘I’m not going to have interactions with you unless you cherish my feelings.’

Despite being well-educated with an English degree, Chloe’s mother claimed she ‘didn’t understand’ what her daughter was asking.

Later, Chloe’s therapist told her: ‘You’ve got to tell her you can’t serve her anymore or you’re going to lose everything. It’s a fight to the death and you’re protecting your mother, not yourself or your family.’

A social gathering a few weeks later was the final straw for Chloe, when her mother insulted her in front of a group of people.

And that was it. Chloe decided in that moment to cut her mother out for good.

‘You don’t want to question if your own mother loves you. I had to make a choice for the sake of my wellbeing – and I have no regrets.’ 

In the weeks and months that followed, Chloe’s mother continually tried to reach out, but Chloe refused to speak with her.

‘She’d say things like, “We’re missing out on so much time together – we could be at lunch or go for walks on the beach.” We never did those nice things before – not once,’ she says 

Over the last 12 years, Chloe has received birthday cards from her mother filled with the same well-wishes, but has never taken a call.

‘I’m still open to a miracle but have accepted we likely will never reconcile. If she just took accountability for her actions and said sorry, things might be different,’ Chloe says. 

Today, Chloe works as a relationship expert, helping other women like herself navigate difficult family issues. 

‘I broke a toxic cycle and if I can, anyone can. But you can’t do it alone,’ she says.