Nikki Glaser is back with a vengeance as the host of this year’s Golden Globes, and she held absolutely zero punches when delivering her hilarious opening monologue.
The comedian, back after making history last year as the ceremony’s first solo female host, wasted no time roasting the starry guests who packed the Beverly Hilton Hotel.
Glaser kicked things off with a reference to the Jeffrey Epstein files. “There are so many A-listers,” Glaser said of the crowd. “And by A-listers, I mean do mean people who are on a list that’s been heavily redacted.” Yikes!
Things only got spicier from there. After crowning CBS News the “award for most editing” in reference to the network’s infamous Kamala Harris interview, Glaser set her sights on Hollywood heartthrobs, namely taking issue with George Clooney‘s Nespresso’s ad by saying her coffees are “too watery”.
Leonardo DiCaprio, nominated for his role in One Battle After Another, was the next to cop a jab. Glaser began by listing the actor’s accomplishments, but the praise was short-lived.
“What a career you’ve had. The most impressive thing is that you’ve been able to accomplish all of this before your girlfriend turned 30,” Glaser said in reference to DiCaprio’s notoriously young partners.
Short king Kevin Hart also caught a stray when Glaser commended Ariana Grande‘s singing in Wicked. “Ariana Grande, I could listen to you sing the phone book. Grab the one Kevin Hart is sitting on,” Glaser said.
Elsewhere in her monologue, Glaser said she asked her hairdresser to make her look like Jennifer Lawrence, AKA J-Law, but ended up looking like Jude Law, before ‘complimenting’ Sean Penn for “slowly morphing into a sexy leather handbag”.
“Sean, I love you, such a humanitarian,” Glaser continued. “A lot of actors talk the talk, but Sean Penn will actually go to the places in the world that need help the most, and he will do cocaine there. We don’t celebrate that enough.”
Next cab off the rank was Sinners, which prompted a horny joke about star Michael B. Jordan, who played a set of twins in the horror movie. “We got two Michael B. Jordans. When I saw that I was like, ‘Nikki B. Jerkin’”, Glaser said. You and me both, Nikki!
Wicked also copped some heat for the length of the sequel, and so too did Timothée Chalamet‘s Marty Supreme. “[Chalamet] is the first actor in history to have to put on muscle for a movie about ping pong. It’s true, he gained over 60 ounces,” Glaser quipped.
Thankfully, Glaser wrapped up her monologue with some friendlier fare, imploring James Cameron and Guillermo del Toro to “keep making weird monster sex movies” and pitching a Yorgos Lanthimos film in which Emma Stone plays a “toaster with epilepsy”.
Glaser’s monologue came during an already messy and iconic 2026 edition of the Golden Globes, with some truly unforgettable moments from the Heated Rivalry cast on the red carpet and some equally iconic red carpet looks.
One Battle After Another leads the pack on the film front with nine nominations, while The White Lotus is up for the most awards in TV land. Keep up to date with our rolling coverage of the 2026 Golden Globes here.
Lead images: Paramount Plus and X
