Alexandra was fit, happily married and planning for another baby when a ‘just in case’ test led to her shock stage three cancer diagnosis at just 35: ‘I had no symptoms’

Alexandra Bakous was 35, raising a two-year-old and planning another baby when cancer unexpectedly entered her life. 

Nothing about the Sydney mum’s health suggested anything was wrong: no tiredness, pain, weight loss or lumps. She felt perfectly well. 

After pandemic restrictions eased, Alexandra and her husband were determined to give their daughter the experiences she’d missed. Weekends were filled with family outings, trips to the aquarium, short holidays and meet-ups. 

‘My life before I was diagnosed was wonderful,’ Alexandra, now 39, told the Daily Mail.

Alexandra and her husband, who had been married for seven years at the time, were also beginning to think seriously about expanding their family.

A chance discovery through family genetic testing

Then, almost by chance, doctors found stage three triple-negative breast cancer in December 2022. 

‘I didn’t have any symptoms,’ Alexandra said.

The discovery began with her aunt’s ovarian cancer diagnosis and BRCA2 gene mutation, prompting Alexandra, her father and siblings to get tested. 

After meeting with a geneticist at Liverpool Hospital, Alexandra had a blood test and screening. An MRI revealed a small white spot. 

Still breastfeeding, she assumed it was milk-related. 

Further investigation confirmed cancer. 

The discovery felt particularly cruel because Alexandra had walked into the appointment feeling perfectly healthy.

‘I felt robbed. It was a shock. It was a lot to process,’ she said.

Almost immediately, her mind began racing through everything that could go wrong.

‘What if treatment doesn’t work? What if they can’t get rid of it?’

Urgent treatment and tough decisions

Life changed instantly. Alexandra faced surgeries, fertility treatment, chemotherapy and hospital stays. 

In January 2023, she had a lumpectomy. Unhappy with the margins, her specialist advised a mastectomy the next month. 

Setting hopes on another child, Alexandra completed an IVF cycle only two and a half weeks after leaving hospital. 

A week later, her ovaries were medically suppressed, and chemo started soon after. 

The physical toll of chemotherapy

Months before, Alexandra was chasing her toddler and thinking about another baby. Suddenly, some days she could hardly get out of bed. 

Intensive ‘Red Devil’ chemotherapy was administered fortnightly. 

‘The chemo was probably the hardest because it was so potent,’ she said.

Nausea and loss of appetite made eating difficult. On better weeks, she ate as much healthy food as possible. 

Family life under pressure 

Treatment also changed the way the family cared for their daughter. On chemotherapy days, Alexandra’s parents would collect the toddler and keep her for three or four days while she recovered.

‘I would be pretty much bedridden,’ she said.

Watching her daughter witness these changes was harder than the illness itself. 

‘She wouldn’t leave my side. She watched me lose my hair. She watched me get skinny,’ she said.

Alexandra decided against hiding it from her daughter. Instead, she explained it in language a two-year-old could understand: Mummy was unwell and needed medicine to get better.

Her husband, who lost his own father to cancer at 18, understood the stakes. 

‘He knew what the go was,’ Alexandra said.

‘He tried to keep my daughter as busy as possible and take her to things so she wouldn’t miss out.’

But Alexandra could see what her diagnosis was doing to him.

‘The look on his face was really difficult for me to see,’ she said.

‘He was constantly worried. I could tell it brought back memories of watching his dad go through it all.’

He took time off his new job and worked to keep their daughter’s routine stable, supported by relatives. Alexandra’s sister visited, and her parents became crucial support. 

Friendships tested 

Some friends disappeared. 

‘Cancer puts into perspective who your real friends are,’ she said. 

Only a handful of friends regularly checked in during treatment, something she found difficult to reconcile with the friendships she thought she had before becoming ill.

‘I actually did not have a lot of friends that checked in. Only one friend from high school contacted me, and only two of my other friends,’ she said.

Years later, some of those relationships have never recovered.

Complications and milestones

Alexandra’s treatment also brought frightening complications.

She began chemotherapy in March 2023 and was supposed to continue through August, but treatment had to be interrupted after she developed a serious infection associated with her earlier surgery.

With her immune system already weakened by chemotherapy, Alexandra became dangerously unwell and spent a week in hospital. She was told she was bordering on sepsis.

Later, when she moved onto lighter weekly chemotherapy, the experience became more manageable.

‘I pretty much breezed through,’ she said.

Her appetite returned, she began gaining weight, her eyebrows and eyelashes grew back, followed by her hair.

Slowly, Alexandra began venturing back into the world, although she remained conscious that her compromised immune system left her vulnerable.

Adjusting to change

Losing her hair after the second round of chemo was confronting. 

After her second round of treatment, her scalp became so painful she asked her husband to shave it.

‘I couldn’t lie on a pillow,’ she said.

When Alexandra first saw herself without hair, she was shocked.

‘But once I got in the shower and washed my scalp, I felt like my actual skin could breathe,’ she said.

She bought caps and borrowed scarves from her mother, adjusting to yet another visible reminder of an illness she had never felt growing inside her.

The lack of symptoms still haunts her. Without her aunt’s cancer, the BRCA2 discovery and screening, her own breast cancer might have gone undetected. 

It is why the possibility of recurrence continues to frighten her.

‘I always worry about the cancer coming back, especially because I didn’t have any symptoms the first time around,’ she said.

‘I hope it never does. That’s why I try and push for as much screening as possible.’

She now has regular MRIs, mammograms and ultrasounds. 

Pregnancy and rebuilding life

Four years after her diagnosis threatened her dreams, Alexandra is six months pregnant with her second daughter. 

After finishing treatment and years of monitoring, doctors cleared her to use her final frozen embryo from IVF. 

Her eldest daughter is thrilled.

They are all preparing the nursery, painting and getting everything ready for the baby’s arrival later this year.

Alexandra has returned to part-time work and continues filling family life with the experiences she once feared she’d miss. Most recently, they took their daughter to Dubbo Zoo. 

The fear of recurrence remains, as Alexandra knows being healthy doesn’t guarantee all is well. 

Alexandra shared her story to help promote awareness for the 2027 Australian Women’s Health Diary, dedicated to raising funds for breast cancer research.

You can pre-register for your copy at www.breastcancertrials.org.au/pre-register-diary