I let another woman breastfeed my baby… it made me feel like I wasn’t enough but I had no choice
It takes a village to raise a baby. And Abbi Warden knows that better than most.
After giving birth to her third child via cesarean, the 30-year-old was left with an impossible dilemma.
The mom, from Ontario, Canada, developed an abdominal hernia and was forced to undergo surgery almost immediately.
But the operation left her unable to feed her newborn for several days due to the combination of medication and needing time to heal.
Warden had pumped and frozen several days’ worth of breast milk, but her young daughter refused to take a bottle – leaving the doting mom horrified.
‘I couldn’t have breastfed her at all after the surgery because of the medications I needed,’ the mom explained, adding she was ‘praying’ the tot would take the bottle while she was recovering.
‘The first text I sent was to my fiancé after the surgery asking “is she eating?'”‘ Warden, who also gave birth to twins – one girl and one boy – by cesarean in March 2024, recalled.
But Warden’s worst fears were confirmed after she realized her baby had barely had any milk since she left – leaving her scrambling.
After giving birth to her third child, Abbi Warden (pictured) was unable to feed her newborn baby, turning to an unexpected solution
That’s when she recalled her sister-in-law, Rebecca Harman, 37, offering an unorthodox solution – to be her wet nurse.
Wet nursing is when another lactating woman breastfeeds another mother’s infant.
While Warden was a ‘bit uncomfortable’ at the idea at first, after her daughter had gone an entire 24 hours without eating, she knew she had little choice.
‘I called [Harman],’ she said. ‘The idea had made me a bit uncomfortable, but when it comes to your baby’s health, you have to leave your feelings at the door.’
Admitting she was initially apprehensive, Warden’s decision to ask for help ultimately saved her baby.
‘What Rebecca did for me was such a huge blessing,’ she gushed. ‘It was a beautiful, selfless thing.’
Harman not only breastfed her baby but also co-slept with her while Warden was in the hospital to allow her more time to recover.
But as relieved as the mom was, she still had her doubts about what it would be like to return home.
‘I did wonder, would my daughter want to feed with me again after? Would she prefer my sister-in-law?’ she admitted.
Her sister-in-law, Rebecca Harman, 37, (right) offered to be her wet nurse
Harman (pictured) ended up breastfeeding Warden’s daughter, as well as her own, for three days
Harman (pictured) not only breastfed her baby but also co-slept with her while Warden was in the hospital
‘The thoughts of “I’m not enough” do creep into your head – but this wasn’t about me, it was about my daughter.’
Harman, who is also a mom-of-three, explained her own nanny had been a wet nurse and she grew up hearing about it.
‘I thought it was weird growing up, but then leading up to Abbi’s surgery, I planted the seed,’ she explained.
The dedicated mom and aunt said she had prepared herself in case she needed to nurse – even cancelling her spring break holiday.
‘It felt very special when she did come and ask me, they trusted me,’ she reflected. ‘I wanted to do it and I knew I wouldn’t let them down.’
Harman ended up breastfeeding Warden’s daughter, as well as her own, for three days, with Warden saying the experience has brought the two women closer together.
‘It’s a prime example of women supporting each other and just being wonderful,’ she declared.
The mom continued: ‘Everything worked out so beautifully, and my sister-in-law has an incredible bond with my daughter too.’
‘When women show up for each other, we can do so much more,’ Warden gushed.
While Warden was grateful for Harman, the thought of breastfeeding someone else’s baby is one that divides many parents – especially when done for a less worthy cause.
Amy McGlade, who runs The Breast Milk Queen Instagram account, often shares controversial stories from breastfeeding moms.
In one upload, a new mom shared that she breastfed her friend’s baby at a wedding as the other got drunk, sparking a heated debate in the comments section.
‘No. Passing bacteria and viruses from baby to mom and vice versa is real. I’m not putting my child in danger for helping another kid ever,’ one mom wrote. ‘I can happily pump and give but nursing another baby or allowing someone else to nurse my kids, it’s a huge no for me.’
‘My twin sister and I had babies six weeks apart. We did this all the time. It was nothing unusual,’ wrote someone else.
Someone else wrote: ‘The thought of feeding someone else’s child makes me feel so weird. It would be like kissing someone else’s husband! Wrong.’
‘Your milk is tailored to your child’s needs though,’ questioned another.
‘The thoughts of “I’m not enough” do creep into your head,’ Warden (pictured) said
Warden (right) said the experience has brought the two women closer together
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusively breastfeeding your baby for at least six months, with experts recommending being cautious about letting someone else breastfeed your infant.
Bryn Pearson, a lactation consultant and the Mothers’ Milk Bank coordinator at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, previously told Today that there are not necessarily protocols in place to ensure no diseases are passed on when wet nursing.
‘There are not necessarily any safeguards in place to ensure the person sharing the milk lives a healthy lifestyle and is free from disease, or that their collection and storage practices are safe,’ he explained.
Meanwhile, a milk bank, a service that collects, screens, processes and gives donor human milk to infants in need, will screen donors and process the milk to make sure it is safe.
‘It is up to parents to decide what method of feeding makes the most sense for their situation after discussing options with their baby’s provider and weighing the risks and benefits of how each option applies to their circumstances,’ he said.
