I was cruelly ghosted by a man I really liked – then he spotted me at the bar a year later and spiralled

A woman who was brutally ghosted has revealed how she got the ultimate revenge when he confidently approached her in a bar a year later.

Ashley Hesseltine, co-host of the popular ‘Girls Gotta Eat‘ podcast with Rayna Greenberg, had enjoyed what she thought was a ‘great’ first date with the man a few years ago.

‘I had a guy ghost me after we slept together. We had a great first date so it was brutal,’ she recalled. 

‘I was really upset. It makes you feel horrible, you’re [questioning] your self-worth.’

Ashley eventually moved on – until a chance encounter brought them face-to-face about a year later. She was out with friends when she spotted the man walking towards her and instantly realised who it was.

‘It was totally random – he was walking towards me and I clock it and I think, “Oh my God, that’s the guy”,’ she said.

He recognised her too. ‘Hey, remember me? We went on that date,’ he said.

Ashley decided on the spot that she wasn’t going to give him the reaction he expected.

‘Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t remember it,’ she replied.

He started listing details from their time together in an attempt to convince her they had met.

‘He starts to spiral and realise he’s not memorable because we slept together and he starts saying, “But remember we did this…”,’ she recalled.

Ashley maintained she couldn’t place him before turning back to her friends.

‘It felt so good,’ she said.

She said he eventually ‘slumped away’, apparently left wondering how she could have forgotten him completely.

The story struck a chord with women who had used the same strategy after men unexpectedly resurfaced.

‘I had a guy ghost me and then text me a few months later to “apologise” and even though I knew it was him I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t have this number saved. Who is this?” He was not happy,’ one said.

Another simply wrote: ‘Giving a man none of your energy is so powerful.’

Women are fed up with ‘low effort’ dating

Ashley’s story comes amid a worldwide frustration among single women about the effort they encounter on dating apps and in the early stages of relationships.

Australian women have increasingly complained online about matches who seem happy to swipe and chat but make little effort to organise a real date.

Others have described vague invitations to ‘hang out’, last-minute plans, endless messaging that never leads to meeting in person, or men disappearing whenever arranging a date requires initiative.

Many say they simply want someone who can suggest a time and place, follow through on plans and communicate when they are no longer interested.

Ghosting can make that frustration particularly acute because it removes even the basic courtesy of telling someone the connection isn’t going anywhere. 

But disappearing doesn’t always mean someone is gone permanently.

Some daters have found the same person will resurface weeks or months later with a casual message, often without acknowledging why they vanished in the first place.

One woman responding to Ashley’s story said a man disappeared for a month before eventually contacting her with an excuse that his phone hadn’t been working. She replied: ‘Who is this?’ He messaged her back asking if she got a new phone or something, but she never answered.

The ultimate way to bruise an ego?

Ashley wasn’t alone in discovering that pretending not to remember someone could have a surprisingly dramatic effect.

One woman recalled using the tactic on her sister’s ex-boyfriend, who had wanted to become a famous musician and, she claimed, behaved as though he was destined to outgrow their hometown. 

Years later, he approached her at a bar. ‘He insisted, “Come on. You know ME”, and I kept saying, “I really don’t. Sorry”,’ she recalled.

Another woman said she unexpectedly encountered a former classmate who had ‘relentlessly’ bullied her at school. Six years later, he greeted her by name at a street fair and attempted to strike up a friendly conversation. She responded: ‘I’m sorry, who are you?’

A third described the satisfaction of running into a man she had been on several dates with. He enthusiastically asked if she remembered him. She stared back and simply said: ‘No.’

Ashley didn’t get an explanation for why her date vanished a year earlier – and by the time she saw him again, she had no interest in asking for one.

Instead, the man who once left her questioning herself walked away from their second encounter with a few questions of his own.