My husband gave me a sex challenge that makes my skin crawl. We’ve always had a fun marriage but frankly I’m terrified: SAUCY SECRETS

Dear Jana, 

I’m 34, engaged to a great guy, and living what looks like a picture-perfect life. 

But here’s the truth: I can’t stop cheating. It started as a one-night stand on a girls’ trip. You know the drill, champagne, being out of town, bad decisions. I felt awful… for a minute. 

But then it became a thrill. I’ve since slept with a coworker, my ex, and (this is really bad) our real estate agent while I was house-hunting.

I don’t do it because I want to leave my fiancé. I actually love him. But I feel alive when I’m sneaking around. And no one suspects a thing because I play the sweet fiancée so well.

I’ve tried to stop, but the second things feel mundane, I find myself chasing the next high.

Am I just broken? Or are some people not built for monogamy? 

Bad Fiancée.

Dear Bad Fiancée,

This is going to make me wildly unpopular, but… I get it. 

As much as society loves to tut-tut at infidelity, the truth is a lot more people are doing it than would care to admit. 

But here’s the annoyingly unsexy truth: cheating often ends in disaster. 

And believe me, your day of reckoning is coming. I’ve had friends who thought they were meticulous about covering their tracks. One got caught because she left her phone unlocked after a few wines and passed out next to her boyfriend. The other was busted when a condom wrapper fell out of her handbag.

It always, always unravels.

Now, I think there’s three possible reasons you’re being so reckless with your cheating…

1. Self-sabotage. When things are going well, you start chasing chaos. Why? Because it feels more familiar. It’s less about the sex, more about shaking things up before someone else does it for you.

2. Sex addiction. Yes, it’s a real thing. 

3. Low self-esteem. This one’s a classic. Every new fling gives you a temporary ego boost – that lovely hit of ‘I’m still desirable’ which feels especially good when real life starts to feel a bit beige. 

So, are you broken? No. But you’re certainly avoiding something much deeper than a boring Thursday night with your fiancé. It’s time to ask yourself some tough questions.

What are you trying to escape from? And what would happen if you let someone love the messy, restless, thrilling parts of you without betraying them?

Just don’t wait until you get caught to start the healing. Sort it out.

Dear Jana, 

My boyfriend begged me for months to try a threesome. I finally caved but said afterwards we’d have to have a ‘devil’s threesome’. You know, two guys, one girl.

So we got his three-way out of the way (he loved it, obviously) and then it was my turn. We invited one of his mates and they both had their wicked way with me. Delightful! 

The problem is I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the other man since. We’ve started secretly texting each other and now I’m wondering if maybe I want to be with him. 

Have I crossed a line? Or have I just figured out who I actually want to be with?

Man Sandwich.

Dear Man Sandwich,

I can tell you exactly what’s happened. You’ve been d***matised. Hypnotised by the D. And let me just say, this is the very reason threesomes are a helluva gamble.

Everyone talks about it like it’s a fun box to tick on your sexual bucket list, but here’s what they don’t tell you: sometimes the guest star ends up stealing the show.

As much as some of us like to pretend we’re all mature, secure and not at all jealous when it comes to the kinky stuff, the fact is we end up comparing ourselves.

And comparison is the thief of joy.

Whether it’s size, stamina or a new move that made your toes curl – these things are what usually result in couples regretting ever inviting a third party into the bedroom. 

You’ve wandered into murky waters now. Your boyfriend allowed you one night of passion, and now you’re texting the other guy behind his back. That’s emotional cheating territory and I expect you already know this. 

The real question is: if this other man was enough to turn your head, what does that say about your current relationship?

Here’s your homework: Write a list of pros and cons about your relationship – not while you’re replaying that wild night in your head, but when you’re thinking clearly.

Ask yourself honestly: Were you fulfilled before the threesome? Or has this just revealed what you’ve been pushing down?

Dear Jana, 

My husband and I have a pretty spicy sex life, and I thought I was into everything he was… until he admitted he was turned on by the idea of me seducing my boss. 

Like, specifically my boss.

Now, for context, we sometimes like to set sexy challenges for one another. Once I noticed a woman giving him the look at a nightclub, so I told him to flirt with her and see where it goes… You know, that sort of thing. 

Well, now my husband has given me very specific instructions to proposition my boss and, if he bites, go all the way.

I laughed it off at first… but the way my boss acts around me gives me a pretty good idea he’d be up for it. And now I’m getting weirdly excited by the idea. 

Is this totally insane?

To-boss-or-not-to-boss

Dear To-boss-or-not-to-boss,

Is your husband into a little cuckolding… or is he pimping you out to get a pay rise? Talk about a modern relationship dilemma!

Your sexy challenges sound fun, by the way. So maybe in the context of what sounds like a soft-swinging marriage, his ‘task’ for you isn’t completely out of the blue.

After all, lots of men fantasise about their wives being intimate with someone else, then coming home and sharing all the tawdry details. 

But I do question why he wants you to have sex with your boss specifically.

Now, I hate to sound like Karen from HR, but bosses are not just random flirty men.

They are tied to your income and your professional reputation. If things go south, you’re not just ghosting a bad hook-up, you’re navigating awkward meetings, team gossip, and potentially a real risk to your career. 

Not to mention all of your colleagues will think you’ve cheated on your husband to sleep your way up the corporate ladder (even though it was his idea in the first place!)

So, what to do? Here’s my suggestion: Play with the fantasy at home. Roleplay it. Dress up like you’re heading into a ‘performance review’ in a sexy secretary skirt and give your boyfriend the steamy debrief he’s dreaming of.

You can lean into the kink without putting your job on the line.

Or go to a bar and get your flirt on with other guys in front of him. That could work just as well. It certainly sounds like what he’s into.