‘Some people have strong feelings’: Why Harry and Meghan’s return has not led to the thawing they were hoping for… as insiders reveal how they’re being ignored and why they’ve not been invited to Charles’ birthday or Christmas

A little over 11 weeks ago, Prince Harry, his wife Meghan and their children Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet arrived back in the UK.

The return felt shocking; the realities of Megxit and their life in California were well-established and there had been bridge-burning flourishes which had utterly torched relations with the Royal Family.

Yes, there had been a cup of tea at Highgrove the previous month with his father, the King, but many still found it hard to believe that Harry was truly intending to spend the next few years in the UK, that the children were really going to attend a British school, or that he and Meghan were looking for a ‘forever home’ somewhere in the Cotswolds.

However, that was what their friends – and their PR team – briefed.

Now, the children are approaching the end of their first term in a British private school, and Harry and Meghan have carried out a day of quasi-royal joint engagements in Nottingham, followed this week by an appearance in Brussels.

There is no permanent UK house, yet: They are now living in their second home on the same estate on the Northamptonshire/Oxfordshire borders which belongs to a wealthy friend. The hop from one to another happened as the second residence, which had been recently renovated, became available.

It’s meant to be a ‘temporary arrangement’ but they are ‘very happy’ where they are. The process of house hunting is said to be ‘under way’ but they are certainly a long way from having a home of their own here.

And now everyone’s thoughts turn to the question of Christmas.

Sussex sources this week started briefing the surprising news that they have abandoned their initial plans to return to their mansion in Montecito and spend the festive season with American friends and Meghan’s mother, Doria.

Instead, they will be spending the festive season right here in Britain, in the Cotswolds, and Doria will travel to them.

‘Harry says that he is really looking forward to a cold Christmas,’ a loyal friend of his tells me this week.

But what has changed – and why? For it turns out that this will be a ‘cold Christmas’ in more ways than one.

The Sussexes are not invited to join the rest of the family in Sandringham, and they know this is the case. Sources on both Sussex and Palace sides affirm that. ‘Harry is relaxed about it, he knows he is not invited,’ says a chum.

Buckingham Palace declines to comment on ‘private family arrangements’ but a source with knowledge of the situation confirms that, despite hopes that it will ‘improve’, it currently remains ‘complex’. They won’t be back in the fold in December.

‘There are obvious reasons why that will not happen,’ says a source, adding, ‘some people have strong feelings’, alluding to Arctic relations between Harry and Prince William, following the publication of the memoir Spare in which Harry called his brother his ‘arch nemesis’, said that he and Kate had been unwelcoming to Meghan, and revealed steaming rows including physical fisticuffs with William.

So they will not be breaking bread with the family and they will not be among those making the Christmas Day walk to the church of St Mary Magdalene.

And that’s not the only family occasion from which the Sussexes are excluded. Today the King turns 78, and is expected to have a small private family gathering at Clarence House, as usual.

His younger son and his family will not be invited. Again, I’m told that Harry knows and isn’t fussed.

All that Palace sources will say is: ‘The King loves all his children.’

But isn’t it all really quite peculiar? Harry returned to the UK nearly three months ago with the stated aim of reconciling with his family, and raising his children as British, in touch with their family and heritage.

And yet every sign is that his efforts are being met with polite, yet firm, rejection. Bluntly, he and his young family are being ignored.

For all that the Sussexes have seen of the King since their return to the UK – and I’m told by multiple sources that they have still not met face to face – they may as well be living in California.

What is unfolding looks very much like a ‘grey rock’ option, meaning that the Palace has taken great pains not to involve itself in any Sussex dramas.

The family had been back here for four weeks before guidance was issued by the Lord Chamberlain’s office saying that they were ‘akin to private citizens’ and should be treated as such when they undertook any engagements.

The timing and tone of the briefing was intended to minimise its impact: It was presented as just a restating of the terms of Megxit.

Within hours, the Sussexes had issued a sharp rejoinder saying that they regard themselves as ‘public figures’. They also complained, via ‘friends’, that they had not been given sufficient time to react to the statement and that they were ‘surprised’ by it.

There followed renewed complaints about their security status which remains under review despite multiple lawsuits and briefings from their side. In response to all of this spinning, the Palace has stayed silent.

There are some who argue that the past few days have shown the wisdom of this strategy.

Harry showed up at a Remembrance Day service in Brackley in Northamptonshire with his medals pinned to his chest; photographs taken of this ‘private’ moment were shared with newspapers, but it didn’t eclipse the ceremonies at the Cenotaph.

‘He is perfectly entitled to mark Remembrance Day in any way he sees fit,’ says a source. ‘Nobody is going to tell a veteran what they can and cannot do.’

You can see why some commentators are now talking about his ‘irrelevance’.

The Sussexes’ freedom has given them the leeway to act as they please – but it has also given the Palace permission to ignore them.

Friends put a more positive spin on events.

‘Harry is tuned into the narrative. He took care not to overshadow or make a fuss. He stood at the back of the service with a couple of lads. He knows how things look,’ one said.

‘Any second tier Remembrance Service would have hosted him but he didn’t choose that.

‘This strategy very much comes from Harry himself. He is tuned into what normal people think. He is leading it all.’

Is this, though, a sustainable position for the Palace?

When the couple first returned, they kept an extremely low profile. However, a new normal is being established in which they pop up at philanthropic events separately and together, sometimes using the appearances for money-making opportunities.

On Tuesday, he and Meghan appeared at an event at the European Parliament in Brussels. It was a charity engagement on behalf of the Lost Screen Partnership, which launched a memorial dedicated to children harmed by online media.

Meghan was due to speak but pulled out, with sources saying that she was ‘emotionally not strong enough’ to give an address with her father, Thomas Markle, now in prison awaiting trial over charges of possessing one image of child sex abuse.

In a speech, Harry expressed support for EU legislation calling for greater protection of children online. If he was a working member of the Royal Family, such an action would be a ‘no-no’, as The Firm must take care to remain above and beyond anything political. As he is not a working member of the Royal Family, nobody has control or oversight.

Meghan, who wore a luxurious, double-breasted black coat for the occasion, has since put the garment up for sale on the OneOff website with a price tag of $695. She is an investor in the business and also one of the influencers who sells clothes which they have worn, receiving a cut from the sale.

It’s not the first time she’s drawn criticism for using a quasi-royal event to make money.

She did a similar thing in spring, putting up for sale on the same website the outfit which she wore to visit survivors of the Bondi Beach terror attack.

And now, potential sales from the launch of a children’s memorial? Perhaps the Sussex advisers will take a view.

I hear that there is input now from Clara and Nick Loughran, both former royal aides who have an association with Prince Harry going back for more than a decade. They worked at Buckingham Palace with him long before he met Meghan and are advising them on optics and shepherding them through engagements.

Friends of the Sussexes say that they won’t try to monetise their UK events but will attempt to make a buck when they are elsewhere in the world – in this case only a short hop away in Belgium.

Is this really going to be an acceptable way to continue? And for how long will Meghan really be able to sustain her lifestyle brand, As Ever, which is explicitly rooted in the sunshine of California?

Regardless, friends of the couple say that everything is positive for the family.

One tells me: ‘They were always planning to go back to California for Christmas but the kids are doing so well now that I’m not sure that they will. The children are really vibing with their schools, they are looking forward to Christmas in the UK.

‘It would in some ways have been useful not to be in the UK because then there are not the observations of will they go to a church service, will it be a micro royal Christmas experience or will he just keep his head right down and completely disappear?

‘Where they are living now, they don’t have to be seen by anyone, they can just spend time very quietly with the kids and old friends.

‘It’s all very calm. They are looking forward to a private family Christmas. He will wish his father and William and everyone a very happy Christmas on Christmas day with a phone call or video call.

‘It will be a very normal family experience. There is no estrangement going on. They are two brothers who will be having a different sort of Christmas.

‘Harry is really comfortable that he is not required to be in Sandringham. He’s comfortable that he can spend time with his family.’

It’s all very well to say that there is ‘no estrangement’ but if you don’t see your family, who are in the same country, then it certainly looks like one.

Harry’s friend says: ‘They are all so busy. I would expect him to see his father before Christmas on a private basis. He’s really comfortable with that – he’s had his hands full. He came back in the third week of August and his diary has been very full from that point.’

Sources close to the Palace say that it is possible – more than possible – that there will be a meeting between father and son at some point between now and Christmas.

It’s still not the model of ‘taking tea with Pa once a month’ which his optimistic friends had hopes of when they returned.

One can only wonder and watch to see if the frost will ever completely melt.