Every man I’ve dated wants to do the same thing to me in bed. It’s revolting… but they’re obsessed with it: DEAR JANE

Dear Jane,

I’ve encountered the most bizarre bedroom trend.

I was on a date with a guy a few months ago and we went home together.

Everything was going well, until we got to the bedroom. That is where things took a turn.

He asked me to talk to him in a baby voice. That’s right, he wanted to be babied in bed. Talk about a turn off.

I hate to be rude, but that is really not what I’m into, and when I tried to decline, he pouted. That was enough to make me never want to see him again.

I thought surely this experience was a fluke – a one-time thing that I’d never see again – but I was wrong.

A few weeks later, I started seeing a different guy – one that I actually really liked – and the same thing happened. It gave me the ick!

I went along with it in the moment, but I was cringing the entire time. 

Am I being too harsh? It’s such a small thing, after all. But I’m afraid I can’t get over it.

Sincerely,

Being a Baby

Dear Being a Baby,

While this is a new one for me, it’s a trend apparently gathering steam on TikTok. This may be why it has happened to you not once but, somewhat astoundingly, twice. 

It has, I hear, happened on the television show Love Is Blind, with the female contestants changing their voices to seem more girlish and vulnerable around men. 

However, self-infantilization – presenting ourselves as helpless, or childlike – is not something that anyone else should decide for you. 

Even if this is part of a trend happening right now, what matters is what you want. You are allowed to say no and instead have a conversation about what it is about this that he likes and see if there is another way to fulfil that desire.

The ick is much like shame. It thrives on not being talked about. We get the ick, and we immediately want to cut loose. But talking about the ick, as uncomfortable as that feels, is often the way to see the feeling disappear. Which might be worth it with the second guy, given that you actually liked him.

If he’s unwilling to have the conversation, then he was never right for you in the first place.

Dear Jane,

I hired my childhood best friend to watch my dog and water my plants when I’m out of town for work – but I’ve recently suspected she’s up to something while I’m away.

Prior to this, I would’ve trusted her with my life, but lately something has been amiss.

When I came home from a trip a few months ago, I noticed my dog’s water bowl was empty. When I refilled it, he lapped it up like he was parched. Then, he was pawing at the door as if he hadn’t been let out in hours. It was unusual behavior for him, especially because my friend was supposed to have come to check on him only an hour or so before I came home.

At first, I thought it was a one-time occurrence – perhaps she had to stop by earlier than planned – but it keeps happening. Every time I come home, my dog acts like his basic needs have been neglected.

I don’t think she’s purposefully hurting him but I do wonder if she is being lazy with how often she’s coming to check in on him.

Not to mention, I also have found my food missing – as if she’s helping herself to a meal while she’s over. I wouldn’t mind, I just wish she would ask.

Perhaps she thinks she can get away with all of this because she’s my friend, but I worry what else she might be up to.

I don’t want to accuse her of anything without knowing it for a fact – and I’m tempted to install a nanny cam to secretly watch her.

But does that violate her privacy?

Sincerely,

Dodgy Dog Sitter

Dear Dodgy Dog Sitter,

Having a friend house and animal sit for you while you’re away seems like a good idea, but your letter has me thinking that it may be similar to working with friends. 

We can love and adore people, but we don’t see how they live, how reliable they are, how domesticated or how well they take care of things. When we bring them into our lives in a closer way, it often exposes flaws and foibles that we would never otherwise have seen.

I’m not sure it’s our job to change them. I have worked with close friends twice, and both times it ended the friendship. 

As regular readers of the column will know, I’m always an advocate for speaking up and setting boundaries. But in this case, as you point out, you don’t have any firm evidence and, as tempting as it may be to install a nanny cam, I suspect that if you are right it will only shame her, leaving you with a former childhood best friend.

Better for you to find someone else to come and house sit when you are out of town. If you don’t know anyone, there are plenty of websites that have vetted, trusted house and animal sitters, and many are free for you – they are people who are happy to temporarily live in people’s houses, who have been legally vetted by the company.

Or, ask around. So many people are finding their lives are in transition since the pandemic, I am sure you will find someone else to come and stay.

A childhood best friend is a precious thing. I would not say anything. Allow your cherished friend to remain a cherished friend, and find someone new to take care of your house and dog, which will also make it much easier to lay out the ground rules before they start.